Clapham Junction

CLAPHAM JUNCTION

30 degrees plus expected today.

In fact we could beat

the record, which stands...

as the 12th of June this year, when

we've got 32, we could even make it...

to 33 degrees today.

And of course it's the persistence...

of that heat - no respite at all.

No let up tonight. 15 degrees...

minimum 15 degrees, one or two

cities could well be pegged into 20s overnight,

and that is really really hot.

How long is this gonna last for?

Well, we've got the breakdown on the way

tomorrow so at least another 24 hours...

Look to the right.

Look up.

That was very good Danny.

- You're keeping well, are you?

- Yes, thanks.

- I must say you're looking well.

- Good, thank you.

- Surviving this heat, heh?

- Just about.

- Pretty scorching innit?

- Yes it is.

O-K!

So, fire away.

The giving of a band,

signifies the promise of a love...

...that is ever lasting,

and is a public affirmation, ...

that the contract between

Will and Gavin will be honoured.

- Will?

- This ring is a token of my abiding love...

...and a sign of the promise

I make to you today.

Bishop can be a bit of a prick

when it comes to poofs.

And as for old Wurzel down at Lambeth Palace,

she's got her knickers in a right twist.

- Would you like a top up, sir?

- Oh, how kind.

- How do you stand the strain?

- I may be ++++

...but I still believe in

Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam.

Oh, er, waiter.

Bring us a few more lovely sausages, will you?

So then we go back to

where we were at the start...

...with that guy in the truck...

...and we realise Chris has said

f*** off to the lot of them, and...

...decided to make a new start in London.

And, um, well, that's about it.

Er, you see, Robin, the thing is, erm,

you know I am a great fan.

- Oh you don't like it.

- You do know that, don't you?

- You don't, do you?

- I just feel we've been there before.

- No we haven't?!

- I mean, the whole gay thing.

- Is that an issue anymore?

- It is if you're gay.

That's what you have to ask yourself.

Is it still an issue?

- Anyway, this is more than that...

- Because, I don't think it is.

You know what, with

Elton and David,

and Ian and, well, everyone.

You know, what's the problem?

It's been done.

We've moved on.

- It's accepted.

- But, the way this would approach..

I mean, if you make it

a bit more like Gary Glitter.

- Gary Glitter?!

- Vietnam, Cambodia, the whole sex tourist thing,

then, maybe, maybe.

But the whole sex tourism thing

has been done to death.

As it is, it's not for me.

I'm sorry, it just isn't.

Look, I'm so keen to

work on something with you.

I mean you know that.

But this, sorry, it's a no.

- You're still married?

- Yes.

Well done. I'm seeing

Dunstan next week.

- Are you?

- Shall I send him your love?

- I wouldn't bother.

- No, best not.

Well I leave you then.

He reached grade seven.

Miss Richard says if he carries

on like this, he could get to...

- the Royal College of Music.

- That's marvellous Dolly

- He is a good boy.

- You must be so proud.

You know, it makes me weep for joy.

I want so hard to get him that fiddle.

You know, you should

give him Mrs. H.

- Well, I'd love to, Dolly.

- He play like an angel.

- So, what you're having then?

- Monkfish cheeks and ceps.

Excuse me, sir. The sausages.

- Thank you. That accent, I can't quite...

- Shropshire sir ++++.

30 degrees I've got here that says it all.

That's for the central London.

Nan, I'm back!

Of course that's where

most of the population are.

Hello nan!

- Darling.

- Bleeding hot, isn't it? D'you want anything?

- Darling.

- How about a nice cuppa, eh?

Hi, me. Yes, I'm gonna be a bit late.

I've got to pop over to St Luke's.

Oh, some mini-crisis or other.

Probably nothing, but you know how it is.

Well, of course I'll try.

But tell them not to wait.

I'll be there as soon as I can.

Yes, I will. I promise. Bye.

- You look at my arse, innit?

- Are you looking at his arse?

- Was there any calls nan?

- Just the one.

- And which one was that, then?

- It was your mum.

- Oh, yeah?

- She wants to see you, darling.

- Don't start, nan.

- She said she hasn't touched a drop in weeks.

- She is a liar, Nan.

- She ain't, Terry, she's a good girl.

- No, she ain't, Nan.

- Might be lots of things, but she ain't no liar.

- She is a good girl at heart.

- No, she ain't, Nan.

- She IS Terry, she is a good girl.

- No, she ain't.

- D'you want an 'am salad?

- Give her a call, Tel.

- I ain't calling her.

- She wants to see you.

- No she don't, Nan.

- She does, Terry.

There was a time she could've

me all she liked.

If anything happens, you won't

be able to live with yourself.

D'you want an 'am salad

or something hot?

- Do it for me, darling.

- I'll do you a salad but I ain't speaking to her.

Gavin has taught me how to love.

To love him, to love myself.

This is forever, honey. And if it ain't,

well, you've got one hell of a pre-nup.

So let's all get slaughtered.

Bottoms up!

Come on, then, gorgeous.

- Skiving off, are you?

- No, sir, it's my break.

I'm paying for all this, you know.

It doesn't come cheap.

I don't expect it does, sir.

You know it's very, very charming

that you should call me sir.

You really don't have to.

- So, Ludlow.

- Yeah.

- Very nice.

- Yeah. Bit on the quiet side.

- Mm. It is a bit, I suppose.

Nice enough.

- Ludlow. Nice castle.

- Yeah.

Very nice. I love that part of the world.

- You've never been, have you?

- Somewhere up north, isn't it?

- Help yourself.

- No, no. Not when I'm on duty.

It's my wedding.

- It's a beautiful ring.

- We had them made specially.

- He must think the world of you.

- It's too big though. The jeweller f***ed up.

- Could have it altered.

- You don't wanna go loosing it.

You're right there.

Gotta watch your ring, haven't you?

- Y'know that's incredible.

- What is?

This wedding. I never, ever thought

I'd live to see the day...

...two blokes getting married. I mean,

it's just fantastic, isn't it?

I suppose it is.

Gavin and I have lived together for so long.

Yeah, it is pretty fantastic.

- You're blushing.

- It's hot.

No, no, I'd better get back.

Where have you been?

I was expecting you ages ago!

- I had to go to the library.

- Christ, we're gonna be late as usual.

Darling, use a glass.

You will be allright, won't you?

Of course I will.

Why don't you go and

see Benjy or someone?

I don't like the thought of you being by yourself

and it is going to be such a lovely night.

- Mum, I'll be fine.

- Got that gorgeous humous which you like...

- ...and some lovely yummy fresh baguette from.

- Mum, I'm OK.

Oh, I know you are darling.

Must go and put a face on.

If your father calls tell him to get his arse in gear

- Not going, are you?

- Yeah, I'm finished.

- Pity.

- End of my shift.

I'll tell you what.

I'm living with a mate at the moment,

south of the river, ...

...but I'm moving into my own

pad next week.

I mean it's only rented, like,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes