Clapham Junction Page #2

but I'm really excited.

- I bet.

- I left home, made the move to London, ...

...got my own job and then

my own pad. Brilliant.

Brilliant.

So what is this place then?

Pantry.

- What did they use it for?

- ++++.

You're full of it, aren't you?

I just love London. Always knew

I would and you know something?

- What?

- I do.

Charlie with the groom, ...

- ...I'll lose my job.

- Not with me behind you.

Christ, I'd like to lick the hairs

on the back of your neck.

You just got married.

You should have other things on your mind.

You going somewhere nice

for your honeymoon, then?

Eventually.

Gav's back to work tomorrow.

- What is he do?

- He makes people better.

- What do you do?

- I just make money.

Will you be missed?

- Not here?

- Where then?

- We shouldn't be doing this.

- Come on.

As honest as the day is long, huh?

Don't want to end up lonely, Tel.

No Nan.

I've got you ain't I?

Who are you going to have?

- I'm worried for you.

- I'll be alright, Nan.

I do. I worry for you.

Leave it out, Nan.

We all need someone, darling.

Oh, I'll find someone, Nan.

Don't you worry.

Come here.

- My mobile.

- Oh, what?

- I want to see you again.

- You can't.

- Call me.

- No.

- You will, you know.

- You're sure of yourself, aren't you?

Bye then.

You've gotta lovely arse.

And you've gotta lovely husband.

- Where the hell have you been?

- I'm sorry.

I was running out of excuses,

what have you been up to?

Oh, for christ's sake, give me some.

I've been twisting with the vicar.

- Very pure, don't overdue it.

- I was beginning to thing you'd had second thoughts.

- Where's the ring?

- It's in my wallet, kept slipping off.

- I know I gave him the right measurements.

- It's allright, I'll take it in tomorrow.

A pint please.

- Hot, innit?

- Yeah.

- I think you'd gone.

- Nah I ain't gone. - Good.

- I'm Alfie, by the way.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

- You don't meet many Alfies.

Let me introduce you to...

No, it's OK.

My mun rang just before I left. I told her

I was doing a wedding, but I didn't tell her it was gay.

- She wouldn't have minded it, would she?

- I don't know. She probably knows everything anyway.

Yeah, mums usually do.

- Nice.

- Yeah, if you like that sort of thing.

- Pissed all down my trousers.

- Oh, yeah?

Still, you won't mind that, will you?

I said it don't go there.

But he don't listen, know what I mean?

He's a knob.

He kept pushing. And I kept telling him

and then the f***ing thing snapped.

- A right knob.

- About 30 quids worth.

- He should get the boot.

- I've been f***ing saying that.

- Hello, Rog.

- Hey, Robin.

- How are you?

- Oh, I'm OK.

- How are you?

- F***ing knackered.

Come on and have a drink.

What can I get you?

- Robin!

- Fancy one of these?

You're looking so well, isn't he, Roger?

- Greatful clients sent me a couple of cases of that.

- Oh, I've got you this.

- You shouldn't have.

- And I must say, it's bloddy nice. Here you are.

- And you've put on a little bit of weight.

- Do you think? - Yeah, it's good.

- See what you think.

- Thanks, cheers.

F***ing...

See how I trust my lovely

Shropshire lad! You've got to call me now.

Silly bastard!

- Something about summer, isn't there?

- Yeah.

Gets the old sap rising. Ever get the feeling

sometimes that you're missing out.

- That the party is going on without you.

- You don't feel that, do you?

It's all a bit aimless, you know.

Sort of chugging along.

Something about the kids going to university.

I feel a bit itchy in the foot department.

I want to play the field again.

Well, I've been playing the field since I

was 15, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

I need women.

I just love them, you know?

Well, you've got one.

It's not the same though, is it?

So what's your name then?

Smithy.

Smithy? I like that.

Yeah?

What's yours then?

Mickey.

Irish, are you?

No.

You said you live around here.

Not far.

- So is this your patch then?

- Yeah, sort of.

How about you?

No.

I'm from outside London.

Oh, yeah?

And where is that then?

Sussex.

Sussex, hey?

Very nice, very nice.

Whereabouts in Sussex?

Nutley.

Nutley?

I ain't never heard of Nutley.

- That's my mum.

- Oh yeah?

She died.

Few months ago, of a heart attack,...

...she is out of the blue.

I don't half miss her.

- My mum died not so long ago.

- Did she?

What did she die of?

She got run down.

What?

You mean depressed, like?

No. By a mailvan.

- You're kidding.

- No, I'm not.

They drive like f***ing maniacs, those guys.

That's terrible.

- You know what?

- What?

She was posting a

letter at the time.

Christ, I'm...

Yeah, it makes you think, don't it?

- I envy you. You've got freedom, no ties.

- But look at you, you've got a proper job.

Big-time barrister and a criminal

amount of money. Wife and kids.

You're a proper grown up. I live in a

state of perpetual adolescence.

I'm an adolescent at heart.

I still enjoy football,

good wank.

It was good, wasn't it?

The school and that.

Yeah, yes it was.

Christ, I need a f***!

Hot, isn't it?

Orphans in the storm, heh?

Yeah.

I like this one.

Can we just...

Can we have it up a bit?

Yeah.

Yeah OK.

- Such a bloody nightmare.

- It doesn't matter.

- He was so late back!

- Big recycling meeting about this filing business.

- You just have to put your foot down!

- I just couldn't leave.

- Bloody council!

- I'm sorry.

- It doesn't matter, really.

- I had a costume fitting and I was ready.

- Why are you doing this?

- Cos I hate f***ing Pet Shop Boys!

- Is Minty here?

- I'm afraid she had to cry off.

- Oh, no.

- Well, she's practically dead with hay fever, so...

- Let me get you a drink.

- Have you been at the Botox?

- No, I haven't!

- Oh, I must say you're looking suspiciously fresh.

Roger and Robin are in the garden.

Robin?

Yeah, I'm sure you've met.

He's that old school

friend og Roger's.

- Oh, isn't he the..

- Writer.

That's right.

White?

Yeah, please.

Shut the f*** up!

Won't mind a bit of piss,

you said.

How do you like it

you filthy cocksucker?

Huh?

That's nice, is it?

Huh?

How nice is that?

You pathetic little sh*t!

How proud would Mummy

be now, hey?

- I'm doing Howards End.

- Very nice, what are you playing?

- Mrs Willcocks.

- Oh, great!

I'm afraid I don't know it.

Oh, you must! Vanessa Redgrave

played her in the movie.

So, it's been done before, then.

Everything's been done before.

They only do things now that have been done before.

- That seem to be the case.

- It's never been done on television.

- I think it has.

- No, I'm sure it hasn't.

I think you're right. In the '70s.

- How would you know, you never watch TV.

- I did in the '70s.

- Who is doing it?

- Well, Frank Winston has commissioned it.

- Did he now?!

- Do you know him?

I had a meeting with him this morning

as a matter a fact.

Darling, isn't he?

Top up?

Something's always

intrigued me about Howards End.

It's such an intriguing novel.

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