Claw Page #4

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All in favor of a seance tonight

raise your hand.

Great that's two against one.

Let's go.

- Sh*t.

(creepy music)

- Hey guys,

I told you that we're not

allowed to use any of the

rooms downstairs in this house,

they're off limits.

You're gonna get me in trouble,

they have my credit

card information.

- Oh will you relax?

It's not like the rental

office is next door.

I mean, don't you

know where we are

in the middle of nowhere?

Did you not hear what the

rapist cab driver said?

Middle of nowhere, okay?

And besides, they left

a key right out in front

so we got full reign, and

I don't care what you say,

but I am loving

my king size bed.

- What in the hell

are you wearing?

- This outfit will help

me to better communicate

with the dead.

(laughing)

- You're hilarious, classic.

What do you do, carry that thing

with you everywhere you go?

- You know how we roll,

always carry at least

two changes of clothing

in our bags at all times,

just in case the day takes

us somewhere unplanned.

Raver rule number 47,

I happen to carry three

changes of clothes with me

just in case we

were to encounter

this very situation.

- That's cool,

always be prepared.

- Yeah well, you know

how I get prepared?

Always carry lingerie.

Prepared!

(giggles)

- This isn't a card table.

- Is it not a bar either?

- No, it isn't.

- All right. (Laughs)

Let's get on with

this, call up the dead.

I wanna see this sh*t for real.

- This is not how it works.

We need to focus and unite

our connective energies.

Focus!

- [Kevin] Fine.

- Come on guys, please.

Let's take each others hands,

close our eyes.

Oh spirits of Swamp Hollow,

we thank you as

visitors of your realm

for your hospitality.

Ooohm.

We are not here to disturb you,

but to ask you to enlighten

us with your knowledge.

Knowledge that you're

willing to impart upon us.

Nora,

Nora,

the secular world longs to know

what happened to you

that horrible night.

Where were you?

Who were you with?

What happened to you?

Where were you?

Who were you with?

What happened to you?

- At the corner of

a yellow maple road.

- [Kevin] Old man Detmar,

the owner of the

corner store in town.

- I choked on his lollipop.

(both laugh)

- That's just great you guys.

You just ruined any

chance of any connection.

- Oh, so f***ing sue me

man, I'm going to bed.

- [Kevin] Sue me too I guess.

(laughing)

(cards clapping against wall)

- I'm sorry Nora.

My friends are a**holes.

(deep spiritual music)

(slightly grunting)

(angrily grunting)

(gasps in shock)

(blunt hit)

(creepy opera music)

- What the f...

What the f*** happened?

Oh my God!

(creepy opera music)

(deep eerie music)

- Don't worry I'm

not mad at you guys

anymore for last night.

I realized you must have

had gore overload, my bad.

- I'm not worried,

and did you just

apologize to me?

- Barely.

Hey has Ella been

in touch with you?

I haven't seen her this morning,

and I went to try and

find her downstairs,

that place is creepy down there.

- How many times do I

have to tell you guys

not to go down there?

Okay, you're going

to get me in trouble.

Seriously, how come

nobody listens to me?

- Anyway, she wasn't down there.

The bed isn't made and she

isn't anywhere to be found.

(knocking on door)

- Oh sh*t.

(raindrops splashing)

- Ella?

- Hello?

Ella?

- Ella, you here?

- Strange.

- Is Ella f***ing with us?

(sudden deep menacing tune)

Jesus!

- Um, can we help you?

- I've seen the vision

since the dawn of time.

The curses are upon us.

There's nowhere to run

and nowhere to hide.

- Lady, what're

you talking about?

Who are you? Why are you here?

- Why am I here?

That's a good question.

I haven't been in these

parts and 40 years.

- Hold on a second.

Yo, this chick is crazy.

40 years ago?

This chick would've been...

- Negative 16 years old.

- Exactly.

She's hot though.

Ow!

Let's just find

out what she wants.

- Beware of the danger

that lurks in this world.

The spiritual presence is

strong and deep in these parts.

The energy here does

more harm than good.

- What about the energy on me?

Don't I get a face rub too?

- Why do you feel

like old souls?

What purpose do you have here?

Are you here to

disturb the dead?

- No we're not here

to disturb anybody,

we're just taking some time off

from the bustle of the city.

- Your lies do not become you.

Leave this place,

leave this place.

Why must you test the spirits?

Leave, leave, and leave now.

(rain splashing)

- C'mon, finish your breakfast.

Don't let broom Hilda

ruin our last day.

- She just creeps me out.

(glass spills)

- [Kevin] Sh*t.

I think I saw some towels

in the hallway closet.

(message tone)

- Sorry, ran off to hang

with my sexy bartender today.

All your death talk

yesterday got me all

hot and bothered I guess.

- [Both] Don't do

anything I wouldn't do,

winky face, winky

face, smiley face.

X-O-X-O.

- Well, there you have it.

I guess just you and me today.

- Yes, and today is my day,

so no voting necessary.

We do as I say.

- And what do you say?

Well I guess the bedroom

is outta the question?

- I will cut you

f***er, don't go there.

- I was just joking,

you don't have to

be a b*tch about it.

- Okay, fine.

I'm sorry. Let's go f***.

I'm kidding, geez.

So gullible.

- Anyway, let's

just get outta here.

Figure it out on the road.

We can just walk

into town I guess.

- [Tiffani] At least

you have a plan.

- Let's go.

(creepy opera music)

(thud)

(grunting)

- So Kev, how do you like

the country life up here?

I think it's kinda cool.

Laid back, but cool.

- Yep. I remember it

like it was yesterday.

- Remember what?

- I mean, I remember country

living like it was yesterday.

This is what I used to do.

I mean, not here but, you know.

It's all the same sh*t.

Whichever bum-f***

town you grow up in.

So I remember

all this like it was yesterday.

- And? Bueno?

No bueno?

- Well, aside form waste

products for parents,

it wasn't all that bad.

I woulda punch my father

back if knew he would

remember it the next day.

You know, that kinda sh*t.

- Wow, sorry.

- Same goes for my mother.

B*tch.

- Well, my perfect upbringing

wasn't that much more fun

from what I remember.

At least yours was interesting

in a f***ed up freak

show kinda way.

- Thank you?

- Where the f*** are we anyway?

- It's just a little further.

(Ella crying) (menacing music)

- Oh my God.

- So, why did you

and Sandy break up?

If it wasn't action

with that waitress.

- It's a log story.

Action with a big black guy.

Story over.

- That's a joke right?

You and a big dude?

- No.

I walked in on her

f***ing her neighbor.

She didn't know I had

the key to her place,

she was all mad at me for

coming in without knocking.

- You are such a buzzkill.

- Apparently.

But I don't blame him though,

he was just another guy

screwing some random chick.

She was the one that

was unforgivable.

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