Clerks Page #28

DANTE:

(to MAN)

Yes.

(to TRAINER)

I'm not out of shape.

SUITED MAN:

Excuse me, but have you been here

all day?

DANTE:

What?

HEATHER:

(still studying DANTE)

He's got those love handles.

DANTE:

(to HEATHER)

I don't have love handles.

SUITED MAN:

Were you working here at about four

o'clock?

DANTE:

I've been here since six o'clock

this morning. Why?

TRAINER:

(to HEATHER)

It's probably from being around all

this food every day.

HEATHER:

Oh, I know. If I had to work here

all day, I'd be bloated and out of

shape, too.

DANTE:

I'm not out of shape!

SUITED MAN:

Can I have your name please?

DANTE:

Dante Hicks. Why? What is this about?

The SUITED MAN scribbles in his notebook.

HEATHER:

You're Dante Hicks? Oh my God! I

didn't even recognize you!

TRAINER:

Because he's out of shape.

DANTE:

Do I know you?

HEATHER:

You remember Alyssa Jones? She hung

out with...

DANTE:

Caitlin Bree. Yeah?

HEATHER:

I'm her sister.

DANTE:

You're Alyssa's sister? Heather?

HEATHER:

Yep. I remember you got caught in my

parents' room with Caitlin once.

TRAINER:

Did you say Caitlin Bree?

DANTE:

Yeah.

TRAINER:

Pretty girl, about this girl's height-

dark hair-gorgeous body?

DANTE:

Yeah?

TRAINER:

And your name is Dante Hicks? You

went to high school with her? You

played hockey?

DANTE:

How do you know that?

TRAINER:

Oh man! Hey, you still going out

with her?

DANTE:

No, she's getting married.

TRAINER:

To you?

HEATHER:

To an Asian design major.

TRAINER:

Sh*t!

(to DANTE)

Don't take this the wrong way, but I

used to f*** her.

DANTE:

What?

TRAINER:

While you two were dating in high

school. We're talking four, five

years ago, back when I drove a Trans-

Am.

HEATHER:

Oh my God! You're Rick Derris?

TRAINER:

Yeah!

DANTE:

You know him?

HEATHER:

Caitlin used to talk about him all

the time.

TRAINER:

Really?

HEATHER:

Oh yeah. You were the built older

guy with the black Trans and the

big...

DANTE:

Wait a second!

(to TRAINER)

You used to sleep with Caitlin Bree?

While I was dating her?

TRAINER:

All the time. That girl was like a

rabbit.

DANTE:

I... I don't believe this...

HEATHER:

(to TRAINER)

I still remember Caitlin telling us

about that time you two went to that

motel-the one with the mirrors and

the hot tub in the room.

DANTE:

THE GLADES MOTEL?

TRAINER:

Holy sh*t! She told you about that!

(to DANTE)

Buddy of mine worked there. Said he

watched the whole thing. They used

to film people at that hotel; nobody

knew about it.

HEATHER:

She said one time you set up a tent

on the beach and you guys did it in

the middle of this big rainstorm.

DANTE:

What? When? When did all this sh*t

happen?

TRAINER:

Hey man, that was a long time ago.

Don't let it get to you.

HEATHER:

I'm surprised you never found out

about it, Dante. Everybody in school

knew-even in my class.

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