Clerks Page #30

JAY:

(reluctantly slapping

hands)

I'll see you there.

JOHN leaves. JAY turns to SILENT BOB.

JAY:

It's motherfuckers like that who

give recreational drug users a bag

name.

(suddenly spotting

someone O.C.)

HEY BABY! YOU EVER HAD YOUR A**HOLE

LICKED?

CUT TO:

INT:
CONVENIENCE STORE. NIGHT

DANTE and CAITLIN are embracing very tightly. We hold on

them for a few seconds, just to let it sink in. Then...

DANTE:

When did you get back?

CAITLIN:

Just now.

DANTE:

My God. I haven't seen you since...

(he hugs her again)

CAITLIN:

Dante. You've got a customer.

DANTE hops behind the counter. A customer pays for something

while DANTE continues to talk.

CAITLIN:

I just saw Alyssa's little sister

outside. She was with Rick Derris.

DANTE:

Let's not talk about that. How'd you

get home?

CAITLIN:

Train. It took eight hours.

DANTE:

I can't believe you're here.

Another customer comes to the counter.

CUSTOMER:

Excuse me, do you have...

DANTE:

(to CUSTOMER)

To the back, above the oil.

(to CAITLIN)

How long are you staying?

CAITLIN:

Until Monday. Then I have to take

the train back.

Yet another customer comes to the counter.

CUSTOMER:

Pack of cigarettes.

(to CAITLIN)

Congratulations. I saw that

announcement in today's paper.

(to DANTE)

She's marrying an Asian design major.

DANTE:

So I'm told.

CUT TO:

EXT:
VIDEO STORE. NIGHT

JAY and SILENT BOB lean against the wall.

JAY:

Man, it's f***ing slow.

SILENT BOB walks out of the frame, leaving JAY alone against

the wall. He comes back a few seconds later, carrying a mini-

Walkman with ten-watt speakers. He sets it down on the ground

and turns it on. House music starts playing. Jay-possessed

by the beat-breaks into an impromptu dance, in which he makes

suggestive and often lewd moves. SILENT BOB leans against

the wall.

CUT TO:

INT:
VIDEO STORE. NIGHT

On counter.

CAITLIN:

You're just going to lock the store

like that?

DANTE:

I want to talk to you about something,

and I don't want to be disturbed.

CAITLIN:

You saw it?

DANTE:

Very dramatic, I thought.

CAITLIN:

It's not what you think.

DANTE:

What, it's worse? You're pregnant

with an Asian design major's child?

CAITLIN:

I'm not pregnant.

DANTE:

Were you going to tell me or just

send me an invitation?

CAITLIN:

I was going to tell you. But then we

were getting along so well, I didn't

want to mess it up.

DANTE:

You could've broke it to me gently,

you know; at least started by telling

me you had a boyfriend. I told you I

have a girlfriend.

CAITLIN:

I know, I'm sorry. But when we started

talking... it's like I forgot I had

a boyfriend. And then he proposed

last month...

DANTE:

And you said yes?

CAITLIN:

Well... kind of, sort of?

DANTE:

Is that what they teach you at that

school of yours? Kind of, sort of?

Everyone knows about this except me!

Do you know how humiliating that is?

CAITLIN:

I would've told you, and you would

have stopped calling, like a baby.

DANTE:

How do you know that?

CAITLIN:

Because I know you. You prefer drastic

measures to rational ones.

DANTE:

So you're really getting married?

CAITLIN:

No.

DANTE:

No, you're not really getting married?

CAITLIN:

The story goes like this: He proposed,

and I told him I had to think about

it, and he insisted I wear the ring

anyway. Then my mother told the paper

we were engaged.

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