Closer Page #2

Was he English?

-Very.

-What happened to him?

Someone younger.

You've got a great face.

Doesn't everyone?

I suppose so.

I just....

From the book,

somehow I thought you'd be less....

What?

I don't know what, exactly.

How do you feel about him using your life?

It's really none of your business.

When he let me in downstairs...

he had this look.

I just listened to your conversation.

I don't know what to say.

I'm not a thief, Alice.

Do you want a drink?

I have some vodka in the fridge.

We could have a drink.

Just take my picture.

Good.

Sh*t.

What's the histology?

Progressive?

No. Sounds like an atrophy.

Okay. Bye.

Bollocks.

Jesus.

Anna?

I got the coat.

The white coat.

So I see.

I'm Larry. The doctor.

Hello, Dr. Larry.

Feel free to call me "The Sultan."

I can't believe these things actually happen.

I thought if you showed up,

you'd be an old trout.

But you are bloody gorgeous.

Well, thank you.

Fish. You gotta respect them.

-Have you?

-Of course.

We were fish. Long ago.

Before we were apes.

You mentioned a hotel.

No rush.

Actually, there is.

I've got to be in surgery by 3:.00.

-Are you having an operation?

-No, I'm doing one.

-Are you really a doctor?

-I said I was.

You are Anna?

I'm sorry. Did I photograph you?

Did we meet somewhere?

Come on. Don't play games,

you nymph of the Net.

-Excuse me?

-You were up for it yesterday.

-Was l?

-Yeah. "Wear my wet knickers.

"Sit on my face.

-"Cum -hungry b*tch."

-Okay.

Why do I feel like a pervert?

I think you're the victim of a practical joke.

-I am so sorry.

-It's okay.

No.

We spoke on the Net last night.

Now you've seen me - -

I wasn't on the Net last night.

Where were you

between 6:
.45 and 7::00 p.m.?

That's really none of your business.

-Where were you?

-On the Net, talking to you.

-Well, I was talking to someone.

-Someone pretending to be me.

I think you were talking to Daniel Woolf.

-Who?

-This guy I know. It's him.

-No, I was talking to a woman.

-How do you know?

Believe me, she was a woman.

I got a huge....

She was a.... She wasn't, was she?

No.

What a bastard.

How do you know him?

I don't really know him.

I took his photograph for a book he wrote.

-I hope it sank without a trace.

-It's on its way.

There is justice in the world.

What's it called?

The Aquarium.

What a prick! He's advertising.

But why would he pretend to be you?

I think he likes me.

Funny way of showing it.

Can't he send you flowers?

Extraordinary thing, the lnternet.

Possibility of genuine

global communication.

The first great democratic medium.

Absolutely. It's the future.

Two guys wanking in cyberspace.

He was the wanker.

I'll say this for him, he can write.

Is he in love with you?

I don't know. No.

-Are you in love with him?

-I hardly know him.

But you're sort of interested.

I think he's interesting.

No, don't. I look like a criminal in photos.

Please. It's my birthday.

Really?

Really.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

This man comes into the caf today

and he says:
.

"Hey, waitress, what are you waiting for?"

Funny guy.

So I go,

"I'm waiting for a man to come in here...

"and f*** me sideways

with a beautiful line like that."

What did he do?

Asked for a cup of tea with two sugars.

-I'm waiting for you.

-To do what?

Leave me.

I'm not going to leave you.

I totally love you. Why is this?

Please let me come.

I want to be there for you.

-Are you ashamed of me?

-Of course not. I told you...

-I want to be alone.

-Why?

To grieve.

To think.

-I love you. Why won't you let me?

-It's only a weekend.

Why won't you let me love you?

Buster.

Let's go to this thing...

then I'll get my train. I'll be away one night.

I'll be back before you know it, okay?

Do these people pay you?

Or do you pay them?

Like it?

No.

What were you so sad about?

-Life.

-What's that, then?

So what do you reckon, in general?

You want to talk about art?

I know it's vulgar to discuss The Work

at an opening of The Work...

but someone's got to do it.

I'm serious. What do you think?

It's a lie.

It's a bunch of sad strangers

photographed beautifully...

and all the glittering a**holes

who appreciate art...

say it's beautiful

because that's what they want to see.

But the people in the photos are sad...

and alone.

But the pictures

make the world seem beautiful...

so the exhibition's reassuring,

which makes it a lie.

And everyone loves a big, fat lie.

-I'm the big, fat liar's boyfriend.

-Bastard.

-Larry.

-Alice.

So you're Anna's boyfriend.

A princess can kiss a toad.

-Frog.

-Toad.

-Frog.

-Toad, frog, lobster. They're all the same.

So how long have you been seeing her?

Four months. We're in the first flush.

It's paradise. All my nasty habits amuse her.

-You shouldn't smoke.

-F*** off.

I'm a doctor.

I'm supposed to say things like that.

-You want one?

-No.

Yes. No.

F*** it, yes.

No.

I've given up.

Anna tells me your bloke wrote a book.

-Any good?

-Of course.

It's about you, isn't it?

-Some of me.

-Oh? What did he leave out?

The truth.

Is he here, your bloke?

Yeah, he's over there talking to your bird.

My boyfriend's here.

He's here? Where?

There.

With Alice?

I believe you're acquainted.

-I've never seen him before.

-No.

But you've spoken.

Well, conversed.

-Corresponded.

-I wrote to him?

On the Net. You sent him to the aquarium.

I happened to be there.

Nice work, Cupid.

-We need to talk about this.

-No, we don't.

He's very pretty.

She is very tall.

So you're a stripper?

Yeah.

And?

You take care, now.

I will.

You, too.

That's the way it should be.

He's very funny.

Excuse me. Nice to meet you.

-Pleased with the success?

-Yes, absolutely.

Yours was the best.

You were the belle of the bullshit.

Who were those awful people?

-Where do they come from?

-Why should we care?

-You get this one. You'll miss your train.

-I'll be fine.

Come on, it's cold.

I'll see you on Sunday.

Where to, love?

Taxi!

Sorry.

Why don't you make up

your bleeding mind?

Thank you so much.

I appreciate your coming.

I'll call you tomorrow. See you next week.

-Thanks.

-Thanks very much.

-I thought you'd gone.

-I forgot this.

So he's a dermatologist.

Can you get more boring than that?

-Obituarist?

-Failed novelist, please.

I was sorry about your book.

Thanks. I blame the title.

So we pull out our Christmas crackers

with those appalling jokes.

My guy says,

"Hang on. These are second -rate jokes.

"I've got a first -rate joke.

Sit back and take notice."

So we go, "Okay, what's the joke?"

And he says:
.

"It's based on A Christmas Carol...

"which is why it seems

so relevant on Christmas Day."

I haven't even seen you for a year.

Yes, you have.

Only because you stalk me

outside my studio.

I don't stalk. I lurk.

And when I'm not there you look for me.

-How do you know if you're not there?

-Because I am there...

Iurking from a distance.

Look at me.

Tell me you're not in love with me.

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