Clue Page #15

SCARLET:

I don't think they know my real business.

My business is secrets. Yvette found them out for me.

The secrets of Senator Peacock's defense committee,

of Colonel Mustard's fusion bomb, Professor Plum's U.N. contacts,

and the work of your husband,

(walks to Mrs. White)

the nuclear physicist.

GREEN:

So. It IS political. You're a communist!

SCARLET:

No, Mr. Green. Communism is just a red herring.

Like all members of the oldest profession, I'm a capitalist.

And I'm gonna sell my secrets--your secrets--to the highest bidder.

MUSTARD:

And what if we don't cooperate?

SCARLET:

You will.

Or I'll expose you.

PLUM:

We could expose you. Six murders . . . ?

SCARLET:

I hardly think it will enhance your reputation at the U.N.,

Professor Plum, if it's revealed that you have been implicated

not only in adultery with one of your patients, but in her death.

(she lowers the revolver at him)

And the deaths of five other people?

PLUM:

You don't know what kind of people they have at the U.N.

I might go up in their estimation.

Col. Mustard starts toward Miss Scarlet.

She brings the revolver around to bear on him.

MUSTARD:

It is no good blackmailing me, madam.

I have no more money!

The guests agree, claiming the same thing.

SCARLET:

(to Mustard)

I know, sweetie pie.

But you can pay me in government information.

(she waves the revolver around)

All of you.

She pauses, then walks to Wadsworth.

She points the revolver at him.

SCARLET:

Except you, Wadsworth.

You, as a mere butler, have no access to government secrets.

(she c*cks the gun)

So I'm afraid your moment has come.

WADSWORTH:

No so fast, Miss Scarlet.

I do have a secret or two.

SCARLET:

Oh yeah? Such as?

WADSWORTH:

The games up, Scarlet.

There are no more bullets left in that gun.

SCARLET:

Oh, come on, you don't think I'm gonna fall for that old trick?

WADSWORTH:

It's not a trick. There was one shot at Mr. Boddy in the study.

Two for the chandelier, two at the lounge door, and

one for the singing telegram.

SCARLET:

That's not six.

WADSWORTH:

One plus two plus two plus one.

She thinks.

SCARLET:

Uh, uh.

There was only one shot that got the chandelier.

That's one plus two plus ONE plus one.

WADSWORTH:

Even if you are right, that would be one plus one plus two plus one, not

one plus TWO plus one plus one.

SCARLET:

(thinking)

Okay, fine.

One plus two plus one--

(angered)

Shut up!

Point is, there's one bullet left in this gun,

and guess who's going to get it?

The doorbell rings.

Scarlet is distracted by it.

Wadsworth turns her arm around,

taking the gun and forcing her to kneel on the floor.

Mr. Green runs for the door and opens it.

Cops pour in.

Mr. Green cowers by the closet in the foyer.

MUSTARD:

(hands held up, smiling)

I'm only a guest!

WADSWORTH:

(Holding Scarlet)

Where's the chief?

The Elderly Evangelist--the CHIEF--walks in, gun in hand.

CHIEF:

Ah, Wadsworth, well done.

(to Scarlet)

I did warn you, my dear. Mr. Hoover is an expert on Armageddon.

Scarlet is pulled to her feet.

SCARLET:

(to Wadsworth)

Wadsworth, don't hate me for trying to shoot you . . .

WADSWORTH:

Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a damn.

As I was trying to tell you, there are no bullets left in this gun.

You see?

He pulls the trigger, firing the sixth bullet through the rope of the

second chandelier.

Wadsworth is perplexed.

Scarlet shrugs, embarrassed.

WADSWORTH:

(quietly)

One plus two . . . plus one . . .

The camera reveals Col. Mustard.

MUSTARD:

(counting on his fingers)

. . .plus two, plus one . . . is--

And the chandelier shatters on the floor in back of him.

The camera freezes.

CUT TO:

A card, saying

THAT"S WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED.

then another one,

BUT HOW ABOUT THIS?

CUT TO:

137 -- B -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- B -- 137

Wadsworth has just turned on the lights,

like at the beginning of ending A.

WADSWORTH:

(breathless)

In the dark, the murderer ran across the hall to the study,

picked up the rope, and the lead pipe. Ran to the billiard room.

Strangled Yvette . . .

(he demonstrates on Mr. White)

. . . ran to library, hit the cop on the head with the lead pipe.

Then, coming out of the library, the doorbell rang--it was the singing

telegram. The murderer picked up the gun where Yvette dropped it,

ran to the door, opened it, recognized the girl from her picture, shot her,

and ran back to the cellar!

ALL:

The cellar!

WADSWORTH:

Yes.

PEACOCK:

But Colonel Mustard wasn't in the cellar.

WADSWORTH:

No. But you were.

PEACOCK:

So.

WADSWORTH:

You murdered them all.

You were the person who was missing when the cook and

Mr. Boddy were murdered. And the cook used to be your cook!

Don't you remember your fatal mistake?

You told us at dinner that we were eating one of your favorite recipes.

And monkey's brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not

often to be found in Washington, D.C.

GREEN:

Is that what we ate?

He covers his mouth and runs for the bathroom.

PEACOCK:

Why would I have murdered all of the others?

WADSWORTH:

Obviously, in case Mr. Boddy had told them about you.

PLUM:

So it has all nothing to do with the disappearing nuclear physicist

and Colonel Mustard's work on the new fusion bomb.

WADSWORTH:

(grinning)

No. Communism was just a red herring.

Mrs. Peacock did it all.

PEACOCK:

There's no proof.

WADSWORTH:

Well. The gun is missing.

Gentlemen, turn out your pockets.

Ladies, empty your purses.

(the camera reveals Miss Scarlet's empty purse)

Whoever has the gun, is the murderer.

Mrs. Peacock opens her purse and pulls out the gun,

pointing it at the butler.

PEACOCK:

Very well.

(pause)

What do you propose to do about it?

She makes her way to the front door.

WADSWORTH:

Nothing.

PEACOCK:

Nothing.

WADSWORTH:

Nothing at all.

I don't approve of murder.

But it seems to me that you've done the world a service by

ridding it of an appalling blackmailer and his disgusting

informers.

GREEN:

But the police will be here any minute. What happens then?

WADSWORTH:

Why should the police come?

Nobody's called them.

Everyone is shocked.

PEACOCK:

You mean . . .

WADSWORTH:

(smiling)

That's right.

Now, I suggest that we stack the bodies in the cellar,

lock it, leave quietly, one at a time, and pretend than none of this

has ever happened.

PEACOCK:

Great idea!

I'll leave first . . .

(sarcastic)

. . . if you don't mind.

Mrs. Peacock uses the gun to wave the other guests into a group.

WADSWORTH:

Be my guest.

In fact, I think we all owe you a vote of thanks.

He starts singing in an appealing baritone.

WADSWORTH:

"For she's a jolly good fellow,

for she's a jolly good fellow . . ."

The rest of guests start to sing as well.

Mrs. White takes a harmony.

Mrs. Peacock carefully slips out the door.

As soon as the door shuts, the party stops singing.

They relax somewhat--at least the immediate danger is past.

GREEN:

(accusatory)

I TOLD you I didn't DO it!

MUSTARD:

But what if the authorities find out what happened?

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