Clue Page #7

The women are taking the heavier Mrs. Ho into the room,

the men have the lighter Mr. Boddy.

The guests make groans of exertion.

Col. Mustard is issuing orders.

MUSTARD:

Okay, put the corpses on the sofa.

(pause)

Ladies first.

More sounds of exertion.

They plop Mr. Ho on the sofa.

Wadsworth enters, holding ice to his head.

WADSWORTH:

Careful, don't get blood on the sofa.

YVETTE:

How do we do sis? Ze dagger will go furzer into 'er back.

MUSTARD:

Tip her forward, over the arm.

They do so.

MUSTARD:

Now Mr. Boddy.

More sounds of exertion.

Col. Mustard nods.

Prof. Plum is stuck on the couch between the two corpses.

Rather than move, he decides to make himself comfortable.

MUSTARD:

Now. Who--

(he closes Mr. Boddy's staring eyes)

Who had access to the candlestick?

WHITE:

It was given to you.

SCARLET:

Yeah, but I dropped it on the table.

Anyone could have picked it up. You . . . him . . .

Wadsworth starts going around the room, picking up the weapons.

WADSWORTH:

Look. We still have all these weapons. The gun, the rope,

the wrench, the lead pipe.

Let's put them all in this cupboard and lock it.

There's a homicidal maniac about!

He locks the weapons in the cupboard.

Everyone states their approval.

GREEN:

What are you doing with the key?

WADSWORTH:

Putting it in my pocket.

GREEN:

Why?

WADSWORTH:

Well, to keep it safe, obviously.

PEACOCK:

That means that you can open it, whenever you want.

WADSWORTH:

But it also means that you can't.

PEACOCK:

But what if you're the murderer?

WADSWORTH:

I'm not.

MUSTARD:

But what if you are?!

WADSWORTH:

Well, it's got to be put somewhere.

If I've got it, I know I'm safe.

PEACOCK:

We don't know that WE are!

WADSWORTH:

I've an idea. We'll throw it away!

The party agrees.

37 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL--FOYER -- 37

Wadsworth opens the door and prepares to throw the key out.

Waiting outside the door is a MAN, who ducks, thinking

Wadsworth is about to hit him.

The butler quickly recovers and pockets the key.

The rest of the party runs up behind him.

WADSWORTH:

Sorry . . .

Sorry . . . (laughs nervously)

Can we help?

MAN:

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb the whole household, but . . .

my car broke down out here,

and I was wondering if I could use your phone.

WADSWORTH:

Just a moment, please.

The party huddles together and discusses it.

The MOTORIST looks rather confused.

After a time, the group turns to the Motorist.

WADSWORTH:

Very well, sir.

Would you care to come in?

MOTORIST:

Well? Where is it?

WADSWORTH:

What, the body?

MOTORIST:

The phone. What body?

WADSWORTH:

Well, there's no body. There's nobody. There's nobody in the study.

PARTY:

No!

WADSWORTH:

But I think there's a phone in the lounge.

MOTORIST:

Thank you.

38 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE LOUNGE -- 38

Wadsworth leads the Motorist inside and indicates the phone.

WADSWORTH:

When you've finished your call,

perhaps you'd be good enough to wait here.

It is not a question.

MOTORIST:

Certainly.

Wadsworth exits the lounge.

39 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 39

Wadsworth closes the door to the lounge and locks it.

Col. Mustard comes up behind him and puts a hand on his shoulder.

Wadsworth yells in fright.

MUSTARD:

Where's the key?

WADSWORTH:

In my pocket.

PLUM:

Not that key; the key to the cupboard with the weapons!

WADSWORTH:

Do you still wish me to throw it away?

ALL:

Yes!!

40 -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--FRONT -- 40

Wadsworth takes the key from his pocket and throws it.

We see it land on the cement and bounce into the foliage.

41 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 41

Wadsworth closes the door.

WADSWORTH:

Well. What now?

WHITE:

(holding her hand out)

Wadsworth, let me out.

WADSWORTH:

No.

WHITE:

Why not?

WADSWORTH:

We've got to know who did it. We're all in this together, now.

PEACOCK:

If you leave, I'll say that you killed them both.

General agreement among the guests.

Mrs. White rubs against Wadsworth.

WHITE:

Oh, Wadsworth, I'll make you sorry you ever started this.

One day, when we're alone together . . .

WADSWORTH:

Mrs. White, no man in his right mind would be alone together

with you.

MUSTARD:

Well, I could use a drink!

General agreement again.

Col. Mustard goes to the study and looks in.

MUSTARD:

Just checking.

PEACOCK:

Everything all right?

MUSTARD:

Yup. Two corpses. Everything's fine.

42 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 42

Col. Mustard is pouring himself a tall glass of whiskey.

MUSTARD:

Anybody else want a whiskey?

SCARLET:

Yeah.

Col. Mustard fills three other glasses at once,

spilling the drink over the table.

MUSTARD:

All right, look. Pay attention, everybody.

(to Wadsworth)

Wadsworth, am I right in thinking there is nobody else in this house?

WADSWORTH:

Mmm, no.

MUSTARD:

Then there IS someone else in this house?

WADSWORTH:

No, sorry. I said "no," meaning "yes."

MUSTARD:

"'No,' meaning 'yes'"?

Look, I want a straight answer.

Is there someone else or isn't there, yes or no?

WADSWORTH:

Um, no.

MUSTARD:

"No," there IS, or "no," there ISN'T?

WADSWORTH:

Yes.

Mrs. White breaks her glass against the fireplace.

WHITE:

(exasperated)

Please!!

Don't you think we should get that man out of the house

before he finds out what's been going on here?

She tosses the remains of her glass into the air.

It shatters on the hearth.

SCARLET:

Yeah!

PLUM:

How can we throw him outside in this weather?

SCARLET:

If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious.

PLUM:

If we throw him out, he may get even more suspicious.

MUSTARD:

If I were him, I'd be suspicious already.

PEACOCK:

(at wit's end)

Oh, who cares?! That guy doesn't matter! Let him stay,

locked up for another half an hour! The police will be here by then,

and there are two dead bodies in the study!!

ALL:

Shhhh!

MUSTARD:

Well, there is still some confusion as to whether or not there's

anybody else in this house.

WADSWORTH:

I told you, there isn't.

MUSTARD:

There isn't any confusion, or there isn't anybody else.

WADSWORTH:

Either. Or both.

MUSTARD:

Just give me a clear answer!

WADSWORTH:

Certainly!

(pause)

What was the question?

MUSTARD:

Is there anybody else in the house?!

ALL:

No!!

MUSTARD:

That's what he says, but does he know?

I suggest we handle this in proper military fashion.

We split up, and search the house.

PEACOCK:

Split up!

MUSTARD:

Yes. We have very little time left, so we'll split up into pairs.

PLUM:

Pairs?

MUSTARD:

Yes.

PLUM:

Wait a minute. Suppose that one of us IS the murderer?

If we split up into pairs,

whichever one is left with the killer might get killed!

MUSTARD:

Then we would have discovered who the murderer is!

PEACOCK:

But the other half of the pair would be dead!

MUSTARD:

This is war, Peacock! Casualties are inevitable.

You cannot without breaking eggs--every cook will tell you that.

PEACOCK:

But look what happened to the cook!

GREEN:

Colonel, are you willing to take that chance?

MUSTARD:

What choice have we?

SCARLET:

None.

GREEN:

I suppose you're right.

YVETTE:

Bon decor.

But it is dark upstairs, and I am frightened of ze dark.

Will anyone go wiz me?

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