Cobain: Montage of Heck

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Whoa, testing, one, two...

Go-go juice,

or motion-motion.

Beaver. Female.

Welcome to manned space exploration!

...Mercury spacecraft

is six feet in diameter

and nine feet tall.

'Cause I don't like your face.

Hey.

Hey, come here.

I want...

I want you to see something.

Kurt's brain

was just constantly going.

He was always thinking

about something.

I mean,

there was always something going on.

You could just see it.

Party on, Wayne!

It was awe-inspiring,

but it was like,

"Oh, well, I guess I'm not...

You know, I guess I'm not all that special."

But, you know...

But then, as I grew up,

I'm like,

I'm so glad I don't...

I never got that genius brain.

Maybe he just felt praise

was hard for him to take, maybe?

And he didn't know

how to handle that.

So he would downplay it

all the time.

But that was his goal,

was to get to as perfect as he could,

as good as he could get.

Write as well as he could,

sing as well as he could,

play as well as he could.

And then when it all

came together...

- It's so...

- I can't say... It's too painful.

This is too painful.

You're gonna make it, man.

With the support

of his friends and family,

he's gonna make it.

And you read...

See the art, I mean,

a lot of his messages

are as plain as day.

You just...

I'm not even going to say what they are,

but you can see it.

And it's all there, and...

20/20 hindsight,

you're like, "Oh, my God,

why didn't I see that?"

or "I should have said something,"

but, you know, it's like...

Some say love

It is a river...

When I was an alien

Cultures weren't opinions

Gotta find a way,

to find a way

When I'm there

Gotta find a way,

a better way

I had better wait

Never met a wise man

If so, it's a woman

Gotta find a way,

to find a way

When I'm there

Gotta find a way,

a better way

I had better wait

Gotta find a way,

to find a way

When I'm there

Gotta find a way,

a better way

I had better wait

Gotta find a way,

to find a way...

When I'm there

Gotta find a way,

a way, way!

Yeah!

Well,

America was booming after the war,

and everybody had everything.

Even if you didn't have much,

you still had enough.

Aberdeen was a logging town

and a mill town.

And it was booming.

Wake up,

little Susie...

You saw everybody downtown

paying their bills or shopping.

It was a lovely,

awesome place to raise children.

My kids loved that town.

Wake up, little Susie,

and weep

The movie's over,

it's 4:
00

And we're in trouble deep

Wake up, little Susie

Wake up, little Susie...

So Don was working

at a gas station

over in Hoquiam.

You know, he had the black,

horn-rimmed glasses

and his ears

kind of stuck out a little,

and he had the crew cut

and that's not good on anybody.

I kind of helped him

with everything.

He didn't really know

what he was doing with style.

Well, I told you,

Mama...

I guess, like,

we were more friends.

I didn't know

what falling in love was,

so I had never experienced it.

So I just thought because I liked him,

I loved him.

And so he got me an engagement ring,

and we got engaged.

You know, it was fun.

I mean, it was like,

"Okay, all those problems are behind me now.

I'm going

to have babies."

And I just couldn't wait

to get pregnant.

I mean, that was the goal.

And so I went to Dr. Ehrhart.

He said, "You're so young.

You just need to get on your

feet with being a housewife."

And, you know,

I just didn't listen

to anybody.

I used to think,

"Why did I marry Don Cobain?"

And it's like,

"No, everything really did happen for a reason."

Kurt had to be born.

It was... It was a must.

He was the first

grandchild on both sides.

Everybody was coming over

constantly.

I can't even describe

what a magnet he was.

People just came to him.

I was head over heels

in love with that child.

He was so kind and so

worried about people.

You know,

if they were okay or if somebody got hurt.

And then, on top of that,

he started singing

and playing guitar.

And once he could draw,

he drew all the time.

Let's sing now, Mom!

Okay, say who you are.

Who are you?

Who are you, Kurt?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Good-bye!

I'm Kurt Cobain!

- Yay!

- Yay!

Go! Go!

Kurt, he was full of energy,

always busy.

I had this old rocking chair

in the corner

of the front room.

He'd be upside down

with his head hanging off

where your legs would be

and his feet up on the back

of the rocking chair,

going 90 miles an hour in it,

going so fast,

and it would be hitting

the back of the wall.

And he'd be repeating

everything verbatim

off "Sesame Street."

Would you like to hear

my voice

Sprinkled

with emotion?

And I thought,

before I have this next baby,

we've gotta try to get this

calmed down.

So I take him to the pediatrician,

Dr. Fulton.

He did a rapid eye

movement test

with a flashlight in his eyes,

and he went,

"Okay,

we've got trouble here."

I cannot see...

And he said,

"Okay, I'm gonna give you this tablet."

And I believe it was

something like Ritalin.

So I gave it to him that night and...

Oh, my God.

He just went off the rails.

If I had to lose a mile

If I had to touch feelings

I would lose my soul

The way I do

I don't have to think

I only have to do it

The results

are always perfect

But that's old news

Would you like

to hear my voice

Sprinkled

with emotion?

Kurt, he was hyper,

full of energy, always busy.

You know, jumping off of things,

knocking things over...

Anything that had to do

with being a normal child.

And Don,

he didn't know how to handle that.

He was one of those

kind of people

that just thought that children

should be seen and not heard

and shouldn't cause

any trouble.

I mean,

he belittled and ridiculed Kurt

and Kurt would be shamed.

Inside me...

I mean,

it really hurt him to be embarrassed.

Then, I don't know.

I just...

I started to mature.

You know,

I started getting older

and kind of looking back at...

Kind of the song...

It may have even stirred this in me,

"Is this all there is?"

You know, is this my life?

I haven't done anything

with my life.

In those days,

people didn't get divorced.

I mean, I didn't know

anybody that was divorced.

You just...

You were in the soup.

You didn't think about divorce.

Kurt was nine at the time,

and everybody

was talking about it.

It just embarrassed

him to death

that we had gotten divorced.

He took light bulbs

out of all the lights

and would lock the babysitter in,

came outside

and just became really unruly.

And I said,

"This is not going to happen anymore."

And so I took him over

to his dad's house.

She couldn't handle him...

So I took him.

I liked it, really,

you know, having him,

him and I together like that.

And I think there's one thing

that I said at one time,

that I was never gonna

get married again.

And I think he took that

for a word.

Then I met Jennifer

and we got married,

and, you know,

he had a stepbrother and sister

and then our son Chad.

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