Code Name: The Cleaner Page #3

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explanation... am I...?

- A fool?

- No.

- Seriously!

- What...

Look, Gina,

am I a secret agent,

- you know, licensed to kill...

- Shh shh shh.

Shh.

We shouldn't even be

talking about this.

Of course, I mean, this place

could be bugged. Sure.

Go ahead,

tell me more.

- You're a killer.

- A killer...

like... like Green Beret,

Navy Seal, Army Ranger?

No, you're in

a class by yourself.

- By myself.

- You've got a code name...

"The Cleaner. "

The Cleaner.

Listen, the government

calls you in to mop up.

Okay, I see where

they going with this...

The Cleaner

mops up trouble.

Gina, how many men

have these hands killed?

Oh, they've taken out

a lot of trash.

Of course... keeping the world

safe from human debris.

- Destroyed millions of germs.

- Germ warfare.

Cleaned countless

toilet seats!

"Cleaned countless

toilet sea... "

- What?

- You're a janitor, dumbass.

- No.

- I don't have time for this.

No no no no,

I am special ops!

Try special "mops. "

"Broom Raider"!

Let me break it down for you...

you're a janitor.

You work at Digital Arts.

Huh? Nah.

No no no no no no.

- You had to see me yesterday.

- Check, please.

- Oh, one second.

- I'm, like, flipping off balconies,

I cannonballed onto a truck

and landed like a cat.

I was like James Bond

on Red Bull.

Jake, you know people can do

incredible things when they're scared.

Scared? Who said anything

about being scared?

- Ain't nobody scared.

- Eggs still up, Gina!

Boo!

Scramble this, Charlie.

There he is. I know the back

of that head any damn where.

Hey, and with

your church clothes on.

Where the hell

have you been, Jake?

- I know you guys, right?

- Yeah, I'm your daddy.

Come on, Jake,

don't play dumb.

He not playing.

Look at his face.

What's going on?

Y'all... y'all mad at me?

I've been in sh*t water

all morning.

- I'm mad at everybody!

- So I really am a janitor.

Yeah, you. But me,

I got bigger dreams.

I'm a rapper inside.

I'm about to explode.

Come on, the "Clean

Dirty Doo"?

# It's all about doo-doo,

they're trying to flush me #

# I ain't diarrhea

so you can't rush me #

# It's doo-doo! Listen to me closely,

wiping me like paper #

# Can't throw me around,

can't flush me! #

Excuse me, guys.

# We're rolling money like toilet paper,

money like toilet paper, yeah... #

I went from ballin'

to not-at-all-in'.

- A couple of coffees here.

- Gina,

I feel like

I'm losing my mind.

Now, I think

you're my friend.

- Can you help me? Please?

- Sure.

Show me where I live.

- Can we leave now?

- Okay.

Jake, I need you

for the video.

Jake?

Good morning,

Digital Arts.

Good morning.

- He's waiting for you, Diane.

- Thank you.

- What happened?

- I told you...

I took him to your house,

got him to trust me,

- but he didn't remember anything.

- You really believe that?

Yes, he believed

I was his wife.

So where do we stand?

We've got a janitor out there

that's breached our security

with company property

and has absolutely

no memory

of any of it.

Really? A janitor is really

putting you through all this trouble.

We have Jake's

place covered.

We're tracking Riley down and

we've issued a warrant for his arrest.

My buyers expect

the product by Monday.

I'm handling it.

Here we are.

No! That's my crib?

You should've seen

where I lived yesterday.

It was on a whole

'nother level!

Cops!

- I gotta take you somewhere familiar.

- Oh, I believe

I'm there right now.

# I'll kill you

with my plunger #

# I'll pull your heart

with my plunger #

# You ain't never

seen a plung... #

Oh-oh. Hey hey hey,

don't come in here now.

I'm cleaning, okay?

Oh, no, you look like

you gotta go bad.

Do not use

that last stall.

I need to talk

to you about uh...

- Jake Rodgers.

- Oh, Jake?

- Yes.

- Jake is my man!

Yeah, we got big plans!

- What sort of plans?

- He's gonna manage me.

It's me, Ronnie, the Dirty

Clean Rapper... me.

It's a metaphor, see?

Can you feel me?

Shut up!

Tell me about Jake Rodgers.

Is he really a janitor?

Uh, not a good one. Otherwise

he'd be here now, right?

I wouldn't be here by myself,

cleaning up this whole bathroom.

So he could be doing

something else?

Right?

We all could be doing

something on the side.

On the side?

You're asking a whole lot

of questions,

um... agent...

- Sir.

- Sir.

- Uh-huh.

- You want me to call you "sir" now?

Like "mass-sir,"

like I'm a slave?

And even though I don't like

the way Jake cleans up around here,

I'm not a snitch

nor a rat...

either one of them

put together...

I'm not a snat or a rit!

Okay?

You done hit the wrong

janitor! Come on!

Oh.

So you're gonna

shoot me?

I was thinking about it.

Shoot me.

Shoot me... you gonna

shoot me in the bathroom.

That's what I've

been waiting on.

This is my street credibility

right here! I ain't been shot yet!

That's why I ain't

sellin' no albums!

What was I thinking?

That's why I'm not sellin' no albums.

If I die, I'm Tupac.

If I live, I'm 50 Cent.

What if I end up somewhere

in the middle, like in a coma?

Yeah! I can write all my rhymes

in a coma, just...

"beep... "

"How does he do it?"

And writing to the beat

of the... "beep... "

And every now and then

I can show a little struggle

and come out...

and go back in.

Oh, man, selling records

and laying down!

Oh, shoot me, shoot me

in the shoulder.

Come on...

the top part.

No, shoot me in my side,

like right here.

Dude, like, shoot

a piece of fat off.

You know what I mean?

No, man, that'll hurt.

I know... shoot me in my ass.

In my ass!

'Cause that will be

like what the police do anyway...

shooting brothers in the backside.

And at the end of my concert

I can pull my pants down

and show my ass

like... "This is what y'all

did to me, America!"

Shoot me in the ass!

Gotta be in the ass.

Shoot me right there!

Give me another pocket!

Put it in

my ass, come on!

Come on! Shoot me

in the ass, come on!

Shoot me in the ass,

right in the middle.

Come on, put it in my ass!

Put it in my ass!

Put it in my ass! I can take it...

Put it in my ass! Put it in my ass!

Come on!

Right here, in the ass!

You know, I...

I don't even

know you anymore.

Oh, damn.

All right, here we are.

Damn, girl, you kind

of a slob, ain't you?

Are you always

on the job?

You've been having

a rummage sale?

You know you're too cute

to be living like this, right?

Oh, this is

your cell phone.

- This is my cell phone?

- Check the call log.

Maybe it'll help you

remember something.

Good good good good.

This will prove I know

what I'm talking about.

I'm sure all the numbers in here

are classified... CIA, everything.

All right, recent calls, here we go...

Papa John's,

Papa John's,

Quiznos,

El Pollo Loco,

uh...

Crazy Chicken.

Spies gotta eat,

right?

Right. This is your

work shirt. Explain this.

Yeah. You know, it is obvious

that I'm undercover as a janitor.

- Undercover?

- Look,

you are a waitress,

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