Coffee and Cigarettes

Yeah, hello. You're Steve?

Steven. Hi.

- Sit down.

- Roberto?

- I'm all wound up.

- Yeah.

You're wound up? I'm wound up, too.

- Yes.

- All wound up.

- What are you drinking? Coffee?

- Coffee, yes.

- Very good for me. For you?

- I love coffee.

- You love it, too?

- I love it.

- Steve.

- Steven.

I love coffee.

What do you do?

You know, I just relax, sit around,

maybe have a cigarette.

Cigarettes and coffee

I think go together good.

You think you drink too much of it?

No. Coffee is good for health.

I like to drink before I go to sleep.

I drink a lot of coffee before I go to sleep

so I can dream faster.

I can dream like when they put a camera

on the Indy 500...

when they put a camera in the car,

and it's just whipping by like that.

Dream after dream after dream after dream.

People ask me the next day,

"What did you dream about?"

I say, "I don't have time.

I don't have time to tell you this."

- Do you smoke?

- Only when I drink coffee.

Do you know my mother?

- Do I know your mother?

- Yeah.

I don't know. I don't think so.

- Coffee. They should freeze it, you know?

- Yes.

Fill an ice-cube tray with coffee

and put sticks in it, for kids.

So they can start when they're kids,

when they're playing and stuff.

Like a Popsicle. A caffeine Popsicle.

Very good. I don't understand nothing. Yes.

- Can you hear me?

- What?

Can you hear me? It's very loud over here.

You having trouble hearing me?

Maybe we should switch.

Yes, thank you very much. I'd like to switch.

Good here.

- Good?

- I kind of liked it better over there.

- You go...

- Do you mind?

Yes, me, too. I prefer, yes.

Steve, yes.

- When do you leave?

- The United States?

No, here.

I have to leave soon, actually.

I have a dentist appointment.

But I don't want to go.

I don't like the dentist.

I gotta go, I guess.

- Yes.

- I haven't gone in a while.

Good. You don't go?

- I should go, but I don't feel like going.

- No?

I am free, very free.

You wanna go for me?

Thank you very much.

- You wanna go to the dentist?

- Yes, I can go for you.

Great.

- Here's the address.

- Good.

Good. Very good.

- The name of the guy.

- Yeah, 4:
30.

- Steven, thank you very much.

- No problem.

- You don't mind?

- No, thank you.

Dentist appointment, very good.

I have to go. I am sorry, Steve.

Steve, I have to go to the dentist. I am late.

- Thank you, excuse me. Sorry.

- Take it easy, don't be late.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you, too, in a way.

What are we doing in Memphis, anyway?

- It was your idea to come here.

- Your idea.

It was my idea? It was your idea.

Very funny.

Don't smoke those sawdust cigarettes

in here.

I hate those things.

- So what?

- What are you, a cowboy?

- These are fresh. This is fresh tobacco.

- No, this is fresh.

- This is the stupid dope fresh cigarettes.

- That stuff is stale. What are you, crazy?

- I'm not crazy.

- Shut up.

How we doing here? Need a refill?

- Yeah.

- No.

- Sir?

- Yes.

Sh*t. I'm sorry.

- Come on, what are you doing, man?

- Damn, I'm sorry about that.

Let's not even pay the check.

This place is terrible.

This all you're gonna have?

- Give me a light.

- Just coffee and cigarettes?

That's not too healthy, is it now?

- Can I get you a sandwich or something?

- No.

- Y'all from around here?

- No.

Are you brother and sister?

- Yes.

- No.

Are you two twins?

- Yes.

- No.

Yes, we are.

I thought so.

You know who y'all remind me of?

- Who?

- Heckle and Jeckle.

Sh*t.

You know, the talking magpies?

Anyway, who's the evil twin?

That's the way it works, right?

- This coffee tastes like mud.

- Really.

Which one of us do you think

looks like the evil one?

I'd say he's the evil one, right?

He's got the evil eye.

- I'm only kidding.

- You better be.

You know, I just thought of something,

with you two being twins and all.

- Did y'all go to Graceland yet?

- No.

You should. It's real cool.

- Mind if I sit down?

- Yes, I do.

Yes, you can sit down.

What are you, on a break?

Not really, but it's kind of slow.

Tell you what, you can help me out.

Just stay right there. You got me covered

and my boss can't see me.

It's his evil nature, right?

Anyway, what I just thought of:

Do you know that

Elvis Presley's got a twin brother?

Yeah, his name is Jesse Garon.

You know, Elvis' middle name is Aaron.

Aaron, Garon. Anyway,

everybody thinks that he died at birth.

But my theory is...

that his mother didn't wanna raise two kids.

She wasn't expecting twins.

She couldn't afford to raise both.

She gave one away.

She just sent one off. So Jesse grew up

in Arkansas, or Mississippi, or something.

So he didn't know he had a brother, Elvis.

But one day, like, 1968 or '69...

he's looking at himself in the mirror

and says, "Damn, I look like Elvis."

So he comes to Memphis, looks up Elvis.

Elvis sees him, he says,

"Yeah, you're my brother. I can't believe it!

"How you doing? What can I do for you?"

And his brother says, "Well, I don't know.

"Sure would be nice

to be you for one night."

So Elvis had this concert

where his brother sang.

They tried to see if they could trick people.

Damn if he didn't sound like his brother!

Then Elvis had an idea.

"I'm tired of the music scene.

I'll send him out on tour."

Big mistake, because it was his brother

who started to go to Vegas...

and wear them big collars,

the white jumpsuits, and the capes.

Elvis wouldn't do that.

And it was his brother who got really fat.

You know, eating those

banana-fried butter sandwiches and all.

The Colonel said, "We gotta get rid

of this guy. He can't be Elvis anymore."

So they started feeding him pills.

I think they killed him.

So what? What are you saying?

What's the punch line?

- Y'all are Elvis fans?

- No.

You wanna hear something about Elvis?

I'll tell you something about him.

- You ever heard of Otis Blackwell?

- No, ma'am.

- You ever heard of Junior Parker?

- No, ma'am.

Yeah, I didn't think so.

You know, Elvis robbed their music, man.

He paid them $10 for their music,

and all these other black musicians, too.

- That's what I think of Elvis.

- Here's where my theory fits.

I don't think it was Elvis.

I think it was his brother.

So in that case, it's all right?

My favorite Elvis quote is, "The only thing

colors can do for me is shine my shoes."

I don't think the King said that.

See, I think it was his evil twin.

Danny, what you doing over there?

You got tables to wait on. Come on.

- I'll be right back.

- Yeah, don't get fired, man.

Slaphappy hillbilly.

Cheers.

Something smells funny in here.

Is that my shirt you got on?

No, I don't think so.

Yeah, I think it is.

This doesn't smell like me.

Yeah? What do you smell like?

I smell like me,

and this doesn't smell like me.

- I smell like me, too.

- But this smells like you.

That's because I am me.

Is that my shirt?

- Why you always copying me, anyway?

- I'm not copying you.

- Why don't you get your own style?

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