Coffee and Cigarettes Page #2

- I have my own style.

No, you're always copying me.

Your style is my style because you copy it.

- It's my style.

- No, it's not your style.

Service is bad, the coffee is bad,

the music sucks.

Those are my shoes.

- These are my shoes.

- Those are my shoes.

- These are my shoes.

- Those are my other shoes.

Bullshit.

- Hey.

- Hey, Tom.

- All right.

- I'm glad you could make it.

You are here.

You know, you can call me Jim.

I mean, you know, my friends call me Jim,

or Jimmy, or lggy, or Jiggy.

Call me lggy.

Okay, all right, whichever way you go.

I'll go either way, Jim or lggy...

You call me lggy.

Look, I'm sorry I'm late, Jim.

Boy, four-car pileup.

I delivered a baby this morning

at about 9:
00.

I was saving lives,

I was out there on the highway, it was...

You know, there's nothing worse

than roadside surgery.

You don't have your own tools,

and it's just... It's murder.

I performed a tracheotomy

with a ballpoint pen and...

I've been busy.

Wait a minute. You're a doctor?

Yeah, I'm a doctor.

Music and medicine, really.

It's really been my thing.

It's combining the two

and living in that place where they overlap.

A lot of people say it shows up in the music.

I don't know. I mean, it's...

Well, okay. Yeah, I can see that.

Yeah, okay. I think the organization

and the whole thing...

- The humanity, I guess.

- Yeah.

- The humanity of the thing. The regard.

- Yeah, the regard.

- I guess it's a big day for you, then.

- It is. It was a medical morning.

- Everybody's all right?

- Everybody's fine.

You've been here awhile, I see.

I've been here. Drinking a little coffee.

- Yeah, I see.

- I ordered you some.

You ordered for me?

I mean, is it cool? Is that cool?

Yeah, okay. Coffee, yeah.

- I could go for a coffee.

- Okay, man.

Come on, have some coffee.

Okay, coffee it is.

Are those your cigarettes?

No, they were just sitting here

when I got here.

- You don't smoke, do you?

- No. I gave it up.

- Not for me, either.

- Boy, enough of that.

That was enough, 25 big ones.

- Finished.

- Got the energy now.

Since I quit, I mean, just everything...

Yeah, you're focused.

- Zeroed in. Bang, you know?

- Me, too.

I feel sorry for suckers still puffing away,

you know?

- No willpower.

- No willpower. Pacifier.

Silly.

You know, the beauty of quitting is,

now that I've quit...

I can have one. Because I've quit.

I mean, it's just like jewelry.

You know, it's not really...

I don't even inhale.

You want to join me in one?

Yeah, since I quit. Okay.

- Now that you've quit, you can have one.

- Sure, yeah.

I can do that. All right.

Boy, thank you.

Yeah, you know what I mean?

Now that we've quit...

Cigarettes and coffee, man.

That's a combination.

Can't beat it.

We're really the coffee-and-cigarettes

generation, when you think about it.

You know what I mean? In the '40s,

it was the pie-and-coffee generation.

Like Abbott and Costello on TV, man.

They always wanted pie and coffee.

Yeah, like Abbott and Costello.

They were always ordering pie and coffee.

"Have some coffee.

Have some pie and coffee.

"What are you waiting for?"

You hang out here a lot?

This is my hangout.

I just wondered, 'cause I didn't see

anything of yours on the jukebox.

If you don't like it here, we could

go down to Taco Bell or something.

Maybe that's more your style.

What are you saying, man?

You're saying I'm a Taco Bell kind of guy?

No. I mean, if you don't like it here.

- You said you don't like it here.

- No, I didn't say that.

We could go to

the International House of Pancakes.

Maybe that's more up your alley.

I don't know.

I didn't say that. I don't wanna go

to the International House of Pancakes.

I'm comfortable.

Coffee is good, though, at IHOP.

You like the coffee down there at IHOP?

I drink the coffee at IHOP.

I like the coffee. You don't like it?

Yeah, man. I like the IHOP coffee.

- Classy brew.

- Yeah, that's good coffee.

Yeah, that's good coffee at the IHOP.

I almost forgot. Listen.

I worked with this drummer

the other day in LA.

And this guy, man, his name is Giant Robo.

He was clanging and banging really hard.

Man, I thought of you.

Maybe you want to...

This is somebody,

I think you ought to check him out.

You mean,

you think I need a professional drummer?

I'm not good enough?

What are you talking about?

No, but I'm just...

You know, it's a musician.

I thought... I just wanted to tell you

about this guy. It'd be great, man.

It's hard and industrial, and he's beating,

and I just thought, "Wow."

What are you trying to tell me?

I need a drummer?

I could use a drummer?

The drumming on my records sucks?

What are you saying?

Forget it, man.

You know what?

- I think I really got to get going.

- You got to go?

Maybe another cup?

Maybe another cigarette...

Boy, I'd like to.

No. I really gotta go. I mean...

My wife, she's alone in a motel.

Maybe we could call her up,

come on down here.

Have a cup of coffee

and a couple of cigarettes.

She doesn't smoke.

You know, it's the willpower.

- I see.

- I don't want to start her.

No, you don't want to get her started.

- This is our little thing here.

- Yeah, right.

But we can just sort of...

We can just keep zipping along, you know.

I'll be thinking of you.

- Gotta go.

- I guess so.

- See you soon.

- Yeah, okay.

I wish you could stay a little longer.

- We were just starting to get going here.

- Gotta go.

Okay, Jim.

- Next time.

- Okay, next time.

- You take care.

- You take care, too.

He's not on here, either.

- You're a f***ing moron, you know that?

- Now what?

I can't believe that

you're still smoking those f***ing things.

Vinny, they'll f*** you up.

They'll kill you. Believe me.

Were you put on this f***ing earth

to annoy me?

You said you were gonna quit.

Instead, you spend a fortune...

so those big tobacco companies

can get f***ing rich.

And then you get cancer.

And then the f***ing doctors

and the hospitals, they can get rich.

And the undertakers, too.

All because you want to smoke

like a f***ing moron.

I can't help it. I'm f***ing addicted, okay?

So, coffee and cigarettes?

That's your lunch? That ain't healthy, is it?

You're drinking coffee,

so don't break my f***ing balls.

Vinny, I had lunch already.

So I'm on a diet, okay? Jesus!

Here comes my freaking kid.

Do me a favor.

Don't tell your mother, please.

What the f*** am I talking about?

She smokes like a locomotive, anyway.

How you doing, Junior?

- He don't talk much, does he?

- Not lately.

Lately he's been the silent type.

I gave you $10 last night.

So what did you do with it?

I just gave you $5.

Listen, I'll give you $1 more. That's it.

Can I at least get a hug?

For $6, can I get a freaking hug?

$10 for a hug?

You gotta be out of your freaking mind.

All right, come here. I'll give you.

You better go get yourself something to eat,

and something good.

Yeah, just like him.

Get some coffee and cigarettes.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes