Cold Comfort Farm

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[ Footsteps Running ]

[ Honking ]

[ Wings Flapping,

Bird Chattering ]

[ Groaning ]

I saw...

something nasty

in the woodshed.

[ Thunderclap ]

[ Man ]

Help! Help! Help!

[ Man ] I've always found your

choice of hobby, madam, quite unique.

Yes. What do

you think, Sneller?

Not really my department, madam.

Venus design.

Waber Brothers, 1918.

Famed corsetiers to the gentry.

And if you look carefully,

you'll see it's got only two elastic

panels in front instead of the usual three.

So it has, madam.

[ Car Engine Rattling ]

It's Miss Poste. Oh, poor

thing. Go and let her in.

Sneller, how are you?

Very well, miss.

I'm so sorry to hear about your

parents. Thank you, Sneller.

Do you have one and six for the

driver? I'll see to it, miss.

Flora, darling, was

the funeral too awful?

Ugh! Horrid.

Though I'm bound to say...

all the London relatives

seemed to enjoy it no end.

Did any of them ask you to go and

live with them? I meant to warn you.

Relatives at funerals

always do that. Not me.

I've only a hundred pounds a

year, and I can't play bridge.

And I was never

very close to my parents.

Of course you can stay here

as long as you like, darling,

but you'll probably want to take

up some kind of work sometime:

earn enough for

a fat of your own.

What kind of work?

It's ages since I did any, but there

must be something that would suit you.

Bookkeeping, beekeeping.

I can't do that, Mary.

Really. Now, Flora, don't be feeble.

You know you'd be miserable if you

haven't a job and all your friends have.

Besides, a hundred pounds a year.. Ha!

Hardly keep you in stockings and fans.

Oh, thank you, Sneller.

Battenburg! My favorite.

You must have

some ambition.

I do. I want

to be a writer.

When I'm 53,

I mean to write a novel...

as good as Persuasion,

but with a modern setting.

Well, how will you spend the

next 30 years? Living life.

Collecting material. Surely

no one can object to that.

I have such a lot in common with Jane

Austen. Neither of us could endure a mess.

What will you live on..

or off?

As you said:
relatives.

I'm peculiarly rich in them.

They haven't asked you.

The London ones haven't,

but there are plenty more

all over the country.

I'll send off some piteous letters

tomorrow. What shall we do tonight?

Are any of your admirers

back from their jungles?

You must see the New River club. It's

ever so smart and select. Sneller,

are any of

the men home?

I believe Mr. Fairford

and Mr. Biscuit. Ah, Bikki!

Charles Fairford? He's a

relative, a sort of second cousin.

Telephone, madam.

Um, Belgravia..

How was Kenya, Bikki? I've

heard awful things about it.

It's all true.

More bubbly? Oh,just pour it, Bikki.

Mary says you want

to live with relatives.

Oh, you shouldn't have said, Mary. He might

think I want to go and live with him...

and was angling

for an invitation.

You'd be very welcome. Mother

would love it if you did.

What do you do, Charles?

Embryo parson, actually. Oh,

well, that really makes it awkward.

Anyway, you're not enough of a challenge.

I like to organize things and tidy up.

You seem tidy already.

Besides, I want to learn

about real life.

What for?

To put it in books.

Oh, I see.

How about it, Mary?

I think Bikki

wants to dance.

[ Man ] What about that game of golf?

[ Laughing ]

[ Man ]

I say.

You ever think

of getting married?

I believe in arranged marriages,

don't you? Rather out of date.

Not at all. I've always liked the

phrase "A marriage has been arranged. "

When I feel like it,

I'll arrange one.

If you get bored,

wherever you are, phone.

I'll come and rescue you

in my plane.

Have you a plane, Charles? Mmm.

Belisha Bat called 'Speed Cop Two'.

Are you sure an embryo parson

should have a plane?

Everyone should have a plane. [

Laughing ] Oh, really, Charles.

Post, Miss Poste.

There you are. They've all

answered. Now you'll be sorry.

Well, wait now. I'll have

to see what they have to say.

Then I'll make my

choice. Well, go on then.

"My dear Niece,

Such a sad loss.. "

But we must all keep

a stiff upper lip.

You'd be most welcome here.

The Worthing air is bracing,

and dear Rosedale is always..

"Full of the happiest

of boarders.

You'll find a true home

atmosphere and plenty of fun. "

And cousin Peggy, now

Arkela of her own troop,

would love to share

her bedroom with you.

"Your loving aunt Gwen. "

Share.

I couldn't.

[ Man ]

I was shocked by your letter..

so shocked,

my old trouble is back.

I am very willing to shelter

your wee girlhood under my roof,

eh, but I fear

you could find it dull...

with no company save

my poor chairbound self,

my man.. Hoots..

and my housekeeper,

now totally deaf.

"Still, there is marvelous bird

life to be found in the marshes...

that surround my ruin

on all sides. "

[ Hacking Cough ] [ Flora

Reading ] "I must end now,

"as my old trouble

is returning.

Your loving uncle

McKnag. " No, Flora. No.

[ Woman ] I've expected to hear from

Robert Poste's child these 20 years.

Child, my man once did

your father a great wrong.

If you'll come here,

I'll do my best to atone.

But never ask what for.

My lips are sealed.

"We're not like other folk maybe, but

there have always been Starkadders...

at Cold Comfort Farm. "

Will you stop it? "And we will do our

best to welcome Robert Poste's child. "

Child, child,

if you come

to this doomed house,

what is there to save you?

"Your cousin,

Judith Starkadder. "

Judith Starkadder? The daughter

of my great-aunt, Ada Doom.

whom Mother

couldn't abide.

Oh, it sounds appalling.

Interesting and appalling. The

others just sound appalling.

Oh, Flora.

I'm willing to bet...

there are also cousins

called "Seth" and "Reuben. "

- Why?

- Highly sexed young men living on farms...

are always called

"Seth" or "Reuben. "

Really. I mean, there

probably isn't even a bathroom.

It is Sussex,

for goodness' sake.

Well, if you've really made up your mind to

go, you'd better. You'll soon tire of it anyhow.

I think I will go.

I'm very keen to know what Cousin

Judith means by my "rights. "

[ Mary ] You have to change trains four times

and get out somewhere called Beershorn Halt.

Don't worry, Mary. There'll be

plenty of material for my novel...

and perhaps one or two

family messes I can clear up.

Something to take

to the country.

Flowers come from

the country, Charles.

Ohh. It's very

kind of you.

May I come with you

to the station?

Please do.

I like to go off in style.

Good-bye, my dove.

I shall expect regular letters from

you letting us know of your progress.

I can send you things. What things?

Oh, proper clothes,

cheerful fashion papers.

You'll need them. You've

never lived in the country.

I'm sure I'll find it

very amusing.

Mind you, wire if you want

any gum boots or anything.

[ Whistle Blowing ]

[ Thinking ]

It was winter,

the grimmest hour of the

darkest day of the year.

Oh, no.

Really.

[ Continues ] The golden

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