Coming to America

---

Good morning, your Highness.

Good morning, your Highness.

Good morning, your Highness.

- Happy birthday, your Highness.

- Yes, it is my birthday.

Oha, it is my 21st birthday.

Do you think, just once,

I might use the bathroom by myself?

Most amusing, sir.

Wipers!

The royal penis is clean,

your Highness.

His Highness

must be very excited today.

Today is your 21st birthday.

It means you meet your wife-to-be.

How can a man get excited

about a woman he's never seen?

He certainly is quiet this morning.

He looks sad.

- Is something troubling you, my son?

- No, Father.

I'm more than the exalted ruler

of this land and master of all I survey.

I'm also a concerned dad.

Well, Father... Just a moment.

- What is he doing?

- It looks as if he's coming here.

Wait right there, Akeem.

Rose bearers!

Akeem. Come sit.

Now, my son...

Have you grown a moustache?

Jaffe, it has been a year.

- So, what is it, my son?

- First of all, things like this.

- Like what?

- The rose petals.

You're the son of a king, why shouldn't

you walk on the petals of roses?

But if there were no rose petals,

I would still be the son of a king.

Then it is settled. From this day forth,

anyone who throws roses

at my son's feet will answer to me.

It is not just that, it is everything.

The cooking, the pampering,

the dressing, the bathing...

Actually, I rather enjoy the bathing,

but I'd like to cook for myself,

dress myself, wipe my own backside.

- And why can't I find my own wife?

- Aha! So that's it?

We've gone through a lot of trouble

to select for you a very fine wife.

Since she was born, she was taught

to walk, speak and think as a queen.

But what if I don't love her?

It's normal to feel anxiety

about meeting your queen.

When I met your father, I was terrified.

I must admit, I was frightened, too.

I was so nervous, I became nauseous.

But over the years, I have grown

to love your father very much.

You see, my son, there's a fine line

between love and nausea.

I understand, but when I marry,

I want the woman to love me

for who I am, not because of what I am.

- And who are you?

- A man who's never tied his shoes.

Wrong! You're a prince

who's never tied his shoes.

I tied my own shoes once.

It is an overrated experience.

Good morning, your Majesty.

It's another beautiful day in Zamunda.

And, Semmi, what is it now?

You look especially radiant today,

your Grace.

I was remarking to my mother the other

day what lovely skin the Queen has.

Semmi, don't you have somewhere

you should go?

Yes, I was about to take the birthday

boy for his daily workout.

Excuse me, Father. And Mother.

Have a good day, my son.

Akeem, what happened

to the rose bearers?

Let's see if you can defend yourself,

you sweat from a baboon's balls.

So you can have a woman

who will obey your every command,

but you'd rather have a woman

who has an opinion?

Only dogs are to obey. If you love

your wife, you'll value her opinion.

Hippopotamus sh*t! You're the heir

to the throne of Zamunda.

Your wife need only have a pretty face,

firm backside and big breasts.

So you would share your bed,

and your fortune, with a beautiful fool?

That's the way it's always been

with men of power. It's tradition.

It's also tradition

that times must change.

Get your Royal Engagement T-shirt!

Step up and get your Royal T-shirt!

- These really are delicious.

- Yes, thank you.

Your Majesty.

I am Colonel Issy.

And today, with your blessing,

I offer my daughter to your son.

My blessing is granted.

Let the courtship commence.

Pardon me. Step aside, please. Coming

through. Excuse me. Out of the way!

Greetings, great Prince.

Presenting Miss Imani Issi.

She's your Queen-to-be

A Queen-to-be forever

A Queen who'll do whatever

His Highness desires

She's your Queen-to-be

A vision of perfection

An object of affection

To quench your royal fire

Completely free from infection

To be used at your discretion

Waiting only for your direction

Your Queen-to-be

May I talk to you alone

for a moment, please?

Excuse us for a moment.

- So...

- Am I not all you dreamed I would be?

You're fine. Beautiful.

But if we're going to be married, we

should talk and get to know each other.

Ever since I was born,

I have been trained to serve you.

I know, but I'd like to know about you.

What do you like to do?

Whatever you like.

- What kind of music do you like?

- Whatever kind of music you like.

I know what I like, and you know what

I like, 'cause you were trained to know,

but I would like to know what you like.

Do you have a favourite food?

Good! What is your favourite food?

Whatever food you like.

This is impossible.

I command you not to obey me.

No.

Are you saying that no matter

what I tell you to do, you will do?

Yes, your Highness.

- Anything I say, you'll do?

- Yes, your Highness.

Bark like a dog.

A big dog.

Hop on one leg.

Make a noise like an orang-utan.

I see the two of you are getting along.

Excuse me, Imani, for a moment.

Fine girl, isn't she?

I told you not to worry.

Father...

About this wedding...

The guests are waiting, your Majesty.

Let them wait! I'm talking to my son.

Come. Let's go for a stroll.

Hello, Babar.

Time flies. It seems only yesterday

I ordered your first diaper changed,

and now you're a man

who's about to be married.

She will give you much pleasure,

don't you think?

I'm not sure if I'm ready.

I know we never had a talk about this,

but I always assumed you had sex

with your bathers. I know I do.

It's not that. I'm 21 years old,

and I have never left Zamunda.

I have yet to experience

what the outside world has to offer.

- So you want to sow your royal oats?

- No, it's not that...

You're right! Get out, see the world.

Enjoy yourself.

Fulfil every erotic desire,

and in 40 days, you will marry Imani.

- But, Father...

- It is settled.

May I have your attention, please?

The wedding will proceed in 40 days.

You may go home now. Good night.

Oha. Prepare the royal baggage.

My son is going on a trip.

Prepare the royal baggage!

This trip is an excellent idea.

40 days of fornication.

Semmi. I have something else in mind.

I intend to find my bride.

What is wrong with the one you have?

Didn't you want to rip her clothes off?

I want a woman who will arouse

my intellect as well as my loins.

- Where would you find such a woman?

- In America.

The land is so big,

the choices so infinite.

Where shall we go?

Los Angeles or New York?

We'll let fate decide.

Heads, New York. Tails, Los Angeles.

We go to New York.

But where in New York can one find

a woman with grace and elegance?

A woman suitable for a king.

Queens!

Mr Frank Oznowitz. Please pick up

a white courtesy telephone.

No one here can know I am royalty.

I must appear as an average man.

I will not say a word.

Halt!

You dumb f***!

Take us to Queens at once.

Do you want to go to Queens?

Rich fellows should be in Manhattan.

Stay at the Waldorf or the Palace.

Rate this script:3.8 / 8 votes