Coming to America Page #2

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- Take us to the Palace.

- No, I want Queens.

And we're not rich.

We're ordinary African students.

Whatever you say, pal.

- What part of Queens do you want?

- Take us to the most common part.

That's easy. If there's one thing

Queens got a lot of, it's common parts.

What does "dumb f***" mean?

- Is this shitty enough for you?

- Yes, this is perfect.

Fascinating! Semmi, look at this.

America is great indeed. A country so

free, one can throw glass on the street.

You must be

out of your goddamn mind!

Listen. Real Americans.

Sugar Ray Robinson's

the greatest fighter that ever lived.

- What about Joe Louis?

- "The Brown Bomber".

- That was a great boxer.

- You're damn right.

I suppose nobody in here

ever heard of Cassius Clay.

He's got a point. Cassius Clay

was a bad motherf***er.

I ain't saying Clay ain't bad.

I stopped liking him when he changed

his name to Muhammad Ali.

Wait a second. Wait a second.

A man has the right to change his name

to whatever he wants to change it to.

And if a man wants to be called

Muhammad Ali,

you should respect his wishes

and call the man Muhammad Ali.

His momma named him Clay.

I'm going to call him Clay.

- I say Clay.

- Get out of here.

He'll always be Clay to me. I don't

care what he change his name to.

Well, then you're a putz.

The three of you. Three putzes.

You should change the name from

"My-T -Sharp" to "The Three Putzes".

- What the f*** do you want?

- We desire a room.

You'd better not be wasting my time.

You got money?

Come on in, gentlemen.

Yo, man! Get the big bag.

Excuse me if I was brusque, but we

get boo-boos in here without a dollar.

Obviously, you gentlemen

came in on another boat.

- We seek meagre accommodations.

- Excuse me?

We require a room that is very poor.

Hey, Stu.

Your rent's due, motherf***er.

And don't pull that falling down the stairs

sh*t on me. You're conscious.

Every month, the same damn thing...

Here we are.

There's only one bathroom on this floor,

so you have to share it.

Got a bit of an insect problem, but

you boys from Africa are used to that.

And don't use the elevator.

It's a death trap.

This is the place that I was

telling you about. It's real f***ed up.

The window faces a brick wall.

I used to rent it to a blind man.

It's a damn shame

what they did to that dog.

We will take the room.

Yes.

Behold, Semmi! Life. Real life.

A thing that we have been denied

for far too long.

- Good morning, my neighbours!

- F*** you!

Yes! Yes! F*** you, too!

I suspect that these are the people

that have stolen our luggage.

Do you want to buy

some toothbrushes?

I've got some real fly personal

hygiene products, and a hair-dryer.

Thief! Stop thief! Come back, thief!

- Semmi, let him go.

- Those things belong to us.

It's good we're rid of those things.

Let them wear our princely robes.

We're in New York now.

Let us dress as New Yorkers.

- I feel like a complete idiot.

- Don't be ridiculous.

You know, you can be all the things

you've always wanted to be.

Beautiful, sexy...

One, two, three...

Soul Glo.

Perhaps I should cut off

my prince's lock.

You're out of your mind! Joe Louis

is the greatest boxer that ever lived.

I'll be with you in a minute.

He was better than Clay, Sugar Ray

and that new boy - Mike Tyson.

He was better than him, too.

He'd whip all their asses!

- What about Rocky Marciano?

- There they go. There they go.

Every time I talk about boxing, a white

man pulls Rocky Marciano out his ass.

That's their one, that's their one.

"Rocky Marciano, Rocky Marciano!"

Let me tell you something.

Rocky Marciano was good,

but compared to Joe Louis,

Rocky Marciano ain't sh*t!

He beat Joe Louis' ass.

- He did whop Joe Louis' ass.

- Joe Louis was 75 years old!

I don't know how old he was,

but he got his ass whooped.

Joe Louis came out of retirement

to fight Marciano. He was 76 years old.

Joe Louis always lied about his age.

Once, Frank Sinatra sat in this chair.

I said, "You hang out with Joe Louis.

How old is he?"

Frank said,

"Joe Louis is 137 years old".

Oh, man.

You ain't never met no Frank Sinatra.

F*** you, f*** you and f*** you!

Who's next?

What's that? Some kind

of weave or something?

It's my natural hair.

I've been growing it since birth.

What kind of chemicals

you got in there?

None, only juices and berries.

That ain't nothing but Ultra-P erm.

How do you want it cut?

Just make it nice and neat.

That'll be 8 dollars.

Tell me, Semmi. Honestly...

How do I look?

It is time to find your queen.

I've got a secret.

I worship the devil.

See, that's the problem.

I can't find a man that can satisfy me.

Some guys go an hour,

hour and a half. That's it.

A man's got to put in overtime

for me to get off.

I'm not interested in a man

unless he drives a B.M.W.

Well, you know, baby, I'm almost single.

My husband's on Death Row.

This is the first date Teresa and I have

been on since the doctor separated us.

I'm into the group thing.

I was Joan of Arc in my former life.

My name is Peaches

And I'm the best

All the D.J. S want

to feel my breasts

I want to work in videos, but I want to be

my own star in the video,

because I want to be a pop singer,

a rock singer, and write my own songs.

And then I'm going to try an actress,

'cause people tell me I'm a natural.

Then I'm going to write and direct

my own stories, produce the movies...

I hope you don't mind me coming over

and sitting down.

But I've been watching you all evening,

and I want to tear you apart.

And your friend, too.

Does every woman in New York

have a severe emotional problem?

I doubt we will ever find your queen.

- Mr Clarence.

- The boys from Africa! How are you?

- Where can one find nice women here?

- You've got to get out and look.

We've been to every bar in Queens.

You can't go to no bar

to find a nice woman.

You've got to go to nice places,

like the library and church.

Or this place, where I'm going tonight.

The Black Awareness Rally.

There's going to be

some fine women there. Clean girls.

I didn't come here

to preach to you today.

But when I look at these contestants

for The Miss Black Awareness pageant,

I feel good, 'cause I know

there's a God somewhere.

There's a God somewhere.

Turn around, ladies.

You know there's a God

who sits up high, and looks down low.

Man cannot make it like this.

Larry Flint, Hugh Hefner...

They can take the picture,

but they can't make it.

Only God above can make it for ya.

These are the best women Queens has

to offer. Pick one, and let's go home.

Be patient, my friend.

Do you love him? Do you feel joy?

Say "joy"!

- Joy!

- Joy.

- Joy!

- Joy!

- Can I get a "Amen"?

- Amen, brother!

Don't be ashamed to call his name.

Yes, Lord!

Only God can give that woman

that kind of joy.

- Make a joyful noise unto the Lord.

- Joy!

- I am very happy to be here.

- Amen!

Can I get a "Amen"?

I don't know what you've come to do,

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