Coming to America Page #3

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but I've come to praise His name.

Lord, Lord...

Girls, you can leave now.

Thank you very much.

There's a God somewhere.

I've got a special treat for you

this evening.

A young man, that you all know

as Joe the policeman

from the "What's Going Down"

episode of "That's My Momma".

I want you to put your hands together

and welcome him to the stage.

A big round of applause

for Jackson Height's own

Mr Randy Watson! Randy Watson.

- That boy's good.

- Good and terrible.

And Reverend Brown.

He's been my reverend since

I was a little boy, and I love him dearly.

You're a very special man.

Reverend Brown! Reverend Brown.

It feels so lovely to be here tonight.

Give yourselves a round of applause.

Give a big round of applause

to my band, Sexual Chocolate.

Sexual Chocolate.

They play so fine, don't you agree?

- Some of the good stuff? Coming up.

- Do you want a Coke?

- Enjoying the show?

- Enjoy, young man.

Sexy Chocolate!

Sexy Chocolate!

- Goddamn, that boy can sing.

- You must be crazy.

Put your hands together

for Mr Randy Watson.

Yeah, one more time!

Randy Watson, how about it!

Before we go any further,

I'd like to thank Mr Cleo McDowell,

who's responsible for the fine food

and beverage here tonight.

Cleo, I know you're proud

of your daughters. We are, too.

Please welcome one of the organisers

of tonight's festivities.

Miss Lisa McDowell.

Lisa, come up here, baby girl.

- Work in a plug for the new salad bar.

- I'm not mentioning the restaurant.

At least give them the address.

Someone ought to put you on a plate

and suck you up with a biscuit.

Black Awareness Week is

an opportunity for self-expression.

- May we leave now?

- No, wait.

...express himself through song.

In his own unique way, but...

The song makes a good point.

The children are our future,

and it's up to all of us to provide a place

where children can express themselves.

We need to rebuild Lincoln Park.

Ushers are passing with donation

baskets, so please - give all you can.

We're happy to get

the kind of money that jingles,

but we'd rather get the kind that folds.

- Donations. Donations!

- I thought it was the trash.

- Stupid ass.

- I'll whip your ass.

- You tar-black motherf***er.

- There's women here. Calm down.

Thank you.

- She is wonderful.

- Akeem...

You can see Lisa, and Mr McDowell,

at McDowell's Restaurant,

8507, Queens Boulevard.

8507, Queens Boulevard.

Your first job every morning

will be to sweep this walkway.

Then I want you to wash

all the windows. Real good, too.

And don't leave no streaks.

What are you doing?

Get the hell out of here

before I bust that camera!

Me and the McDonald's people,

we've got this little misunderstanding.

See, they're "McDonald's".

I'm "McDowell's".

They've got the golden arches.

Mine are the golden arcs.

They've got the Big Mac.

I've got the Big Mick.

We both got two all-beef patties, sauce,

lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions.

But they use a sesame seed bun.

My buns have no seeds.

I've got it.

You've got to mop the food-prep area

twice a day.

- Do you know how to mop?

- Yes, of course.

There you go.

Don't use the bucket.

It'll just confuse you.

When you get through here,

you take out the trash.

Come with me,

I've got an easy job for you.

- Hi!

- Hello.

Hello.

Hi...

I am Akeem.

It's nice to meet you, Akeem.

I've been placed in charge of garbage.

Do you have any that needs disposal?

No, it's totally empty.

When it fills up, don't be afraid

to call me. I'll take it out urgently.

That's good to know.

When you think of garbage,

think of Akeem.

Well, I have to get back

to my sanitation duties.

Maybe we will have a chance

to talk again on a professional level.

Goodbye, Akeem.

Darryl! You're looking sharp.

How about a Mick-Shake?

I believe strawberry is your favourite.

Straw.

Lisa's in the back.

She's waiting for you. Come on.

- How's everything at Soul Glo?

- Fine.

Our home weave products

are really taking off.

Dad isn't using the tickets for the Jets

game. I thought you might enjoy them.

That's very considerate of you.

Thank you!

- Lisa! Look who's here, honey.

- Hi!

You two kids have a good time,

you hear?

- Ready?

- Sure.

I want to ask you something.

At the rally, someone stuck a large

amount of cash in one of the boxes.

You wouldn't happen to know

who that was, would you?

- Well, I...

- I thought it was you!

You know me. Anything for the kids.

- Hi, guys.

- Hello.

I got four tickets to the St. John's game.

Maybe your sister can bring someone.

Take care of this, will you?

- Excuse me.

- Hey, it's Kunta Kinte.

What can I do you for?

- Can you make my hair look like this?

- Why would you want that?

I like your hair, it's natural.

I wish more children would wear their

hair natural, like Martin Luther King.

You ain't never seen Martin Luther King

with no messy curls on his head.

- I met Dr Martin Luther King once.

- You're lying, you ain't never met him.

I met him in 1962

in Memphis, Tennessee.

I'm walking down the street

minding my own business.

I walk round the corner,

and a man hits me in the chest.

I fall on the ground. I look up,

and it's Martin Luther King.

I said, "Dr King." He said,

"Oops, I thought it was someone else."

- You never met Martin Luther King.

- He knocked me over.

- No, he didn't.

- Yes, he did.

Why do you worry about how you look?

I'm trying to gain the interest

of a certain young lady.

I ain't heard no woman give no man

no lovin' 'cause his hair looks good.

- That's right.

- Is this an American girl?

You got to go through her papa. People

don't know that about American women.

Ain't nothing to do with your hair

or your pocket.

You get in good with American

woman's father, you in good with her.

Get in good with the father,

you home free.

- Home free.

- Like a bird.

- Mr McDowell.

- What is it?

Sir, did you catch the professional

football contest on television last night?

- No, I didn't.

- It was most exhilarating.

The Giants of New York

took on the Packers of Green Bay.

The Giants triumphed by kicking

an oblong pigskin ball through a big "H".

It was a ripping victory.

Son, and I'm just going

to tell you this one time.

You want to keep working here,

stay off the drugs.

Yes, sir.

I don't know how it is in Africa,

but here rich guys get all the chicks.

- He must work very hard.

- The Prince of Soul Glo?

No way.

He lives off his father's invention.

He can buy her anything he wants. How

are you going to compete with that?

I'll get it.

- Delivery for Miss Lisa McDowell.

- I'll take it, I'm her sister.

Would you sign here, please?

- What is it?

- Something for you.

Do you mind if I open it?

- Do you think they're real?

- They couldn't be.

"From an admirer. Not Darryl."

- Somebody's messing around.

- I am not.

I don't care

how much a man admires you.

He's not giving you earrings like that

unless you've given him booty.

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