Coming to America Page #4

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- Not everybody thinks like you.

- They do, but they don't admit it.

Do you realise I have not had sex

since we got to America?

Semmi, look. There she is.

- I'm going to talk to her.

- Good.

Tell her you sent her the 500,000 dollar

pair of earrings.

She will fall into your arms, and we

can leave this god-forsaken place.

- I cannot do that.

- Do something.

- Do not worry, I have a plan.

- To mop your way into her heart?

- That's not fair.

- Nor is me doing manual labour.

- I'm badly in need of a manicure.

- Listen to you...

"I'm badly in need of a manicure."

Are you going to say something?

- Hey, Akeem! This is my sister, Patrice.

- Hello, how are you?

- Akeem's from Africa.

- What are you doing in New York?

- I'm a student.

- What school are you going to?

I go to the University.

Which one?

The University of the United States.

I've never heard of that.

It's a very small university.

We don't even have a basketball team.

Really? We've got an extra ticket

for the St. John's game. Want to come?

Yes.

You can double-date

with me and Darryl.

In his face! In his face!

Yes! In the face!

Why don't you take off yourjacket,

Akeem?

"Put it in the face," right? I like this.

- Isn't that better?

- Yes, thank you very much.

Wearing clothes must be

a new experience for you.

- Are you able to follow the game?

- Oh, yes!

I'm following the game quite well.

What kind of games do you play

in Africa? Chase the monkey?

No, we play football.

I believe you call it soccer.

Yeah, right. Soccer.

That's a real cute sport. Especially the

way you bounce the ball off your heads.

I don't like any sport

where you don't use your hands.

Yes! Yes!

What are you doing?

It's just the half-time?

This is my favourite part of the game.

Will you excuse me for a moment?

Excuse me. I'll be back in a minute.

Oh, my goodness!

Oh, my goodness, it is you!

I cannot believe it.

- Greetings, your Highness.

- Please, stop bowing.

- I am a loyal citizen of Zamunda.

- You will spill your beverages.

This is the greatest day of my life.

It was very nice meeting you, too.

Excuse me.

Please! Please, may I just have

my picture taken with you?

I will cherish this experience

for the rest of my life.

For the rest of my life.

- Who was that?

- Just a man I met in the restroom.

- Why don't you quit this job?

- Because I like it here.

But you're my lady.

My lady doesn't have to work.

I'll take care of you.

Get you anything you want.

- What can I get you?

- Nothing.

I'll get you some... coffee.

I'll be right back.

Hey, Akeem. Did you have

a good time at the game?

Yes, I did.

I hope Darryl didn't offend you.

He can be pretty obnoxious.

- He cannot help it.

- Sit down, take a break for a minute.

You're an unusual guy.

I've never seen anybody take

so much pride in mopping a floor.

"He who would learn to fly

must first learn to stand and walk."

"One cannot fly into flying."

That's not mine, that's Nietzsche's.

That's what I mean. The guys

that work here don't quote Nietzsche.

Everybody shut up and do what I say.

Get the money out!

Stay cool, nobody gets hurt.

Take the money out! All of it.

Don't stall me, fat boy. Let's go.

Come on! You're wasting my time.

Come on!

Anybody move,

I'll blow your f***ing head off.

What are you looking at, buddy?

Come on! Stop stalling.

Come on. Don't stall me. All of it!

- Come on!

- Excuse me for a moment.

It would be wise for you

to put the weapon down.

Who is this a**hole?

Please refrain from using any more

obscenities in front of these people.

I've warned you.

I'll be forced to thrash you.

F*** you!

Freeze,

you diseased rhinoceros' pizzle.

Hey, fellas. I'm real proud of the job

you did in there today.

We've been hit by that guy five times,

but I don't think he's coming back,

thanks to my African connections.

Leave Sunday night open.

I'm having a get-together at my house.

You see?

He has accepted us as equals.

OK, fellas. Give them a ticket, take their

keys and park the cars down the street.

When you're finished, come inside

and help out in the kitchen.

Akeem, I want to show you

the inside of McDowell's little castle.

This here is my showplace.

It pretty much speaks for itself.

When I grew up, nine of us lived

in a shack no bigger than this room.

And look what I have today.

I only wish Mrs McDowell

could have lived to see it.

- You have a fine house, sir.

- Thank you.

In 20 or 30 years, with hard work,

maybe you could have a place like this.

- That would be something.

- Wouldn't it?

This is where you're going

to be working tonight.

- Ever open a champagne bottle?

- I have seen it done before.

Make sure you keep all the glasses full.

I'd better get dressed. Make yourself

comfortable 'til the guests arrive.

I love the Lord. Do you understand

what I'm saying? I love the Lord.

And if loving the Lord is wrong,

I don't want to be right.

Hi, Mike. Good to see you. Enjoy, drink

up. Lots more where that came from.

Hey, Randy! Good to see you.

Watch out for this guy.

Big Ed, my man!

You know, I can appreciate the way

you handled that dude with the gun.

I would've helped you out, except...

I had a cup of coffee in my hand.

You understand, right?

I bet you learnt all that stuff

fighting lions and tigers and sh*t.

Yes, where I'm from,

we have to be very aggressive.

I'm all for that. Especially with women.

They may not admit it...

...but they all want

a man to take charge.

Tell them what to do.

That's one of the things

I want to talk to you...

Darryl, your mother gets lovelier

every time I see her.

- Cleo, I'd like to talk to you alone.

- Sure. Excuse us.

- Mum, Dad, Grandma...

- Sure, son.

I like the fries better at McDonald's,

but I'd never tell Mr McDowell that.

Make sure everybody's glass

is kept full.

We're about to make

a very special announcement.

May I have

everyone's attention, please.

Mr and Mrs Jenks, would you join me?

Mother Jenks, you come up here, too.

I've just heard some news

that makes me a very happy man.

Semmi, please...

Champagne.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

Okay, get going. Get out of here. Go on.

As you know, Darryl and Lisa have

been going together for quite some time.

I'm pleased to announce

that Darryl just popped the big question.

And Lisa happily accepted.

So as it turns out, this has become

an engagement party.

Amen! Praise the Lord.

- Married?

- To the bride and groom.

To the bride and groom!

To the bride and groom.

I want you and that young man

to tie that knot. I'll pray for you.

And I want you to hold on

to God's unchanging hand.

'Cause he helped Joshua

fight the battle of Jericho.

And he helped Daniel

get out of the lion's den.

He helped Gilligan get off the island.

Lord!

I want to talk to you, now!

The next time you and my father

plan my life, let me in on it.

- It's not like...

- Don't touch me!

But baby, it's our engagement party.

Thanks.

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