Confession of a Child of the Century Page #2

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I lived the life my father had left

and for the first time in my life, I was

happy.

Grief was teaching me virtue.

I was beginning to understand the age we

live in.

Behind us, the past destroyed for good,

still caught up in its ruins.

Ahead of us, the first glow of the

future.

And between these two worlds,

the present century, where one

doesn't know.

with each step taken, whether one is

walking on the sea, to a rubble.

I knew your father a little. He was

a good man.

Yes, he was.

My aunt used to play cards with him

in the afternoon.

You should come and visit her. That

would make her happy.

Wait. I have to stop.

I feel tired.

What are you thinking?

I was wondering why God created you.

I mean, I was telling myself it was to

heal all those who are suffering.

My my, such words!

Coming from you, one... one can only

take them as a compliment.

Why?

Because you seem very young to me.

Well, at times one can be older than

one's face.

One can also be younger than one's

words.

Don't you believe in experience?

Ah I know, that's the name most men

give to their...

their extravagances and sorrows.

What could someone your age know

of that?

Madame, a man of my age can live more

fully than a woman of thirty!

The freedom that men enjoy...

it leads them more quickly to the depth

of all things!

You see?

I was tired earlier, but I'm not

any more!

Treat your experience the way I

treat my tiredness!

We've had quite a race,

and we shall dine with all the more

appetite for it!

The very next day, I was at her house.

She was a widow, and lived alone

with her aunt.

Happiness!

Joy.

Peace. Oblivion.

Do you want to come and see my

garden?

Oh, I'd love to.

You don't want to?

Well, God be praised!

You're still young!

You can live.

You can love!

Blessed are they who sleep little.

God be praised. You're still young.

You can live. You can love

God be praised, you're still young.

You can live, you can love.

God be praised, you're still young!

You can live. You can love.

Let me see your hand?

I've got horrible hands!

- Let me see!

It's very interesting!

You guessing, my teacher?

No, no guesswork. It's all there!

52-card pickup.

What?

- You know that one?

- No!

More than three months had passed,

during which I'd seen her nearly

every day.

And more than once, I'd been tempted

to confess that I loved her

What's wrong?

Nothing... I...

What is it? What's wrong?

I'll go home. Excuse me.

Octave?

Don't! Don't!

Now listen to me, I know!

But if it's that way, Octave...

then you have to leave.

You come here every day, and you're

welcome.

You've won my friendship

I wish you had the strength to keep

yours for me just a little longer.

Come in.

A letter.

I have been seeing you for three

months now,

and one month ago, I noticed that

you had feelings for me,

that at your age, I called love.

I believed that I detected within you

the determination to hide it from me,

and to overcome it.

I already felt esteem for you, that gave

me even more.

I cannot reproach you with anything

that has happened,

nor for the fact that your will failed

here.

What you believe is love, is merely

desire.

I'm older than you by a few years, and

I ask you not to see me again.

You would attempt in vain to forget

a moment of weakness.

What happened between us can neither

occur a second time,

nor be forgotten completely.

I'd like to talk to you.

Madame,you wrote to me that what happened

between us could not be forgotten,

and that's true.

But you say that because of this we

cannot see each other again,

and you're mistaken.

I love you.

I've done nothing to offend you.

But nothing has changed for you, since

you do not love me.

What had prevented me declare my

love for you?

My fear of losing you.

sets a condition, that the very first

word I say about it,

the door will be closed to me.

As I have remained silent until now, I

I shall remain silent in the future.

- I don't.. - You believe that I've

loved you for a moment now, but

I have done so... from the very first

day.

When you realised how I felt about you,

You didn't stop seeing me, did you?

What have I done to you?

I have knelt before you... and never

said a word!

What have you learned from me?

Something you already knew.

Put me to the test.

Give to me a month or two of the only

happiness...

I shall ever know.

Listen to me.

I'm going to send you on an errand, for

a friend of my family.

Whatever you might say, a brief journey

will... calm you.

In a month... in two months, you

will come back,

I shall see you then, and I shall answer

you better.

Why finally, father!

How was that jeweller, I heard you had

a bit of bother...

...the last five years, I've been let

down...

His glorious birth!

I've left my father, and the estate has

been left...

to me, I have to go and take care

and just, I don't know, take a little

time out from this, this life.

- Flowers in your hair...

- Yeah, it's all fresh...

Let's drink some wine...

- Yes, some wine... - Where's the

music, actually? Come on!

Hey!

Damn it!

Three weeks later my errand was complete

and I returned.

My decision was made to remain silent

about my love for her.

Octave?

Yes, it's me.

Did you have a good journey?

Yes.

Are you unwell, Brigitte?

No, I have been...

I'm better now.

It's nothing.

How are your flowers?

They're very well

Shall we see them?

No, I'm a little tired.

I'm going to rest a while. Some

other time, Octave?

Some other time.

I'll be back...

Goodbye!

You needn't have waited for me.

I've been back for a month and I've

hardly seen you!

Away from you, there's no life for me.

Can I go with you?

You've got no idea what my life was

like before.

Did I ever tell you about my

gambling?

You used to gamble?

There was a time when I gambled

every night!

And courtesans...

When I first met courtesans,

I think I was expecting,

resourceful, insolent women.

Also, gay...

witty,

lively, something like the sparkle

of champagne!

Instead I found... gaping mouths,

vacant stares.

grasping...

clawlike hands.

Had I not met you, I could have fallen

back into my old ways.

Here we are.

Shall I see you tomorrow?

Oh, tomorrow... I'm not there. Don't

come.

I don't know...

come anyway!

Forgive me for intruding.

I realise we don't know each other very

well. But, ummm...

right.

What's this about?

Madame Pierson is ill.

And she's asked me to inform you that

she won't be able to receive you today.

It was fairly late when I left her

yesterday.

She was well then!

I don't believe you!

Goodbye, Monsieur.

Monsieur, I beg you to tell me that

that isn't true!

- Listen, I - And there isn't something

else you're not telling me about!

I've told you everything I know!

- Now Monsieur... - Madame Pierson

is not ill!

I know that. I'm sure of it!

I'm not afraid of anyone!

I've said what I came to say!

Pierre! Wait for me! I need to talk

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