Conversations with God Page #5

Jimmy the bartender-

makes the best

Long Island iced teas in town.

Oh, God, I look like hell.

I think you look beautiful.

All right, Neale, what's up?

- Nothing. Why?

- Come on.

First you tell me I look nice.

Now I look beautiful? Spill.

I don't know.

I just-

I've just been, you know,

thinking about...

you, us... a lot.

- Neale-

- When I'm with you...

I feel like things just-

things just fit.

I mean, I like myself, and it's

like you're a- you know,

you're a best friend.

- You gotta feel that too, right?

- Neale-

Okay, fine. You're in your 20s,

I'm in my 40s. What's the big deal?

Are you nuts?

That's a driver's license and a nine

year old. Don't get weird on me.

You okay?

Yeah. Just out of sorts.

I'm gonna-

Just gonna sit here and think for

a little bit. I'll take the next bus.

Good-bye, Neale.

Right.

Hi, Neale.

It's Leora.

Thought I'd try you again.

I've been thinking about you,

wondering if you need anything.

Things are good with me.

I got a new job.

Nothin'fancy. Office manager

for a medical practice up in Medford.

And I moved in with Tommy. He just bought

a really cute fiXer-upper in town...

and it needs a woman's touch.

Anyway, give a call when you can.

Miss talking with you.

Have you had enough yet?

Have you had enough yet?

Are you ready now?

Do you really want to know the answers

to the questions you're asking?

Are you going to answer me?

You've asked a lot of questions.

You're angry.

And now I ask you, do you really

want to know the answers...

to the questions you're asking...

- or are you just venting?

- This is crazy.

I know what you're thinking.

And I talk to everyone...

all the time in their own voice.

The question is, who listens?

From the highest mountain

it has been shouted.

In the lowest place,

its whisper has been heard.

And through the corridors

of all human experience...

this truth has been echoed.

Love is the answer.

You have projected

the role of parent onto God...

and have thus come up with a god

who judges and rewards or punishes.

You have created a fear-based

reality around love.

And this fear-based love reality dominates

your experience oflove.

Indeed, it actually creates it.

Is it fear that you need

in order to be, do and have...

what is intrinsically right?

Must you be threatened

in order to be good?

And what is being good?

Who gets the final say about that?

I tell you this.

You are your own rule-maker.

You set the guidelines.

Love is all there is.

Yes,you've heard it before.

In fact, I've even put it on

a bumper sticker for you.

But in times of trouble, in

times of worry, doubt or fear...

you choose to forget.

What you should do is answer

the simple question-

what would love do now?

To live your life

without expectation...

without the need

for specific results...

that is freedom.

Remember. You are constantly

in the act of creating yourself.

You are, in every moment,

deciding who and what you are.

You decide this largely through

the choices you make...

regarding who and what

you feel passionate about.

Gotta tell ya, I'm a little worried

about what people might say...

when I tell 'em I'm having

a conversation with you.

Worry is the activity of a mind...

that does not understand

its connection with me.

- Hmm. - Do you remember the

question- what would love do now?

- Of course.

- Answer that question, Neale...

and I will be there,

always, in all ways.

Suffering has

nothing to do with events...

but with one's reaction to them.

What's happening is

merely what's happening.

- How we feel about it is another matter.

- I just want my life back.

- You can't have anything you want.

- I'm sorry?

Well, what are you sorry for?

- You said I can't have anything I want.

- That's right.

- What?

- You can't have anything you want.

- I can't have anything I want?

- Correct.

- Well, that doesn't make sense.

- Sure, it does.

Your very request is one oflack...

and you saying you want a thing only works

to produce that precise experience-

- wanting-in your reality.

- Yeah.

Should I therefore punish you...

for making a choice that I myself

have laid before you?

This is a question

you must ask yourself...

before you would assign me

the role of a condemning god.

Unendingly have you

beseeched me, show myself.

Explain myself.

Reveal myself.

I am doing so here

in terms so plain...

you cannot misunderstand.

I am here.

Right here.

Right now.

Now is the time to go to

your god space, more than ever.

It will bring you

great peace of mind.

And from a peaceful mind

do great ideas flow...

ideas which could be solutions...

to the biggest problems

you imagine yourself to have.

Do you imagine

this is too big a problem for me to solve?

Is getting out of this jam

too big a miracle for me to handle?

I understand that you may think

it's too big for you to handle...

even with all the tools

I've given you.

But do you really think

it's too big for me?

Sometimes you frustrate

the hell out of me.

I would think that would be a good thing.

Is this supposed to be funny?

Well, who do you think

invented humor?

Bless you.

I just-

- I don't know what you want from me.

- Neale.

- Mm-hmm?

- You've got me all wrong.

And you've got you all wrong too.

I don't want anything from you

other than for you to be happy.

But you think you are below me,

when in truth we are all one.

There is no separation.

I want for you what you want for you-

nothing more, nothing less.

I am not concerned about

your worldly success.

Only you are.

You are not to worry

about making a living.

True masters are those who have chosen

to make a life rather than a living.

Go ahead. Do whatever

you really love.

Do nothing else.

You have so little time.

How can you think

of wasting a moment...

doing something for a living

that you don't like to do?

That is not a living.

That is a dying.

Neale?

Neale.

What are you having me type?

Oh.

I'm still trying to figure that out.

What time is it?

Neale...

- it's amazing.

- What's-What's amazing?

- This stuff is distracting me

while I'm at work.

- Oh-

And I love it.

I don't care if this

is gonna sound weird...

or what people might think about me

for saying something like this, but-

I've been asleep...

stuck in this perpetuating

nightmare of a life...

primarily built on fear and doubt.

Do you really want to know

how much time I've spent in my life...

worrying about

how I was gonna make a living...

worried about making ends meet?

I don't want to spend my life

making a living, Neale.

I want to spend my life...

making a life.

A life that makes a difference.

A life built on love and compassion.

And this stuff-

Neale, I'm even rereading

things I've already finished.

Do you hear what I'm saying to you?

I do. I do. Listen,

I gotta tell you, it's-

It's like I'm just standing by.

I'm just taking dictation.

- I- I can't stop.

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