Cop Car

Wiener.

Wiener.

B*obs.

B*obs.

P*ssy.

P*ssy.

Damn.

God damn.

Ass.

A**hole.

Ass face.

How far do you

think we've gone?

Fifty miles.

I think we're almost

to the woods. Come on.

Don't get

rust poisoning.

Come on!

I thought it was

an arrowhead.

B*tch.

B*tch.

Sh*t.

Sh*t.

Shithead.

Shithead.

F***.

Say it. F***.

That's the worst cuss.

Actually my friend,

he's in eighth grade,

he says that it's just a

different language from Russia.

So it's fine

to say it.

Oh, look!

What?

Snake hole!

I'm going to leave mine in

there in case they try to escape.

Good idea.

Want to see

a magic trick?

No way!

Want some?

Yeah!

We gotta

ration it, though.

Okay.

Two centimeters

each a day.

Wait, why don't you

keep it in your pocket?

Pickpockets.

Got my wallet

in here, too.

The creek should be

right over... Get down!

What?

It's the cops!

We haven't even

been gone that long.

You're right.

Did they see us?

I don't think so.

We can distract them.

Throw this on the far side

to make a noise.

Oh, crap!

You hit it!

Oh, sh*t!

Sh*t!

I hit a cop car!

Let's go!

Wait, wait, wait! It has

my fingerprints on it.

Mine, too.

Okay. Go get it.

No way!

Fine. Chicken.

Wait.

Go that way.

It's better camouflage.

There's no one

in there.

They could be hiding.

My dad says sometimes cops

put empty cop cars near roads

so that people won't speed, 'cause

they think they're real cop cars.

But there's no road.

Do you see it?

I don't know.

It could be any of them.

Come on,

let's just go.

I dare you

to touch it.

The cop car?

No way!

If I do it,

you have to do it.

Okay.

Ready?

Stay low just in case

they're hiding.

Now!

Okay.

Your turn.

Oh, crap. Oh,

crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap.

Oh, crap.

Come on, come on.

Come on!

No way!

Quick, get in!

Get in!

Why?

Look.

So?

Hit the boosters!

There's a lot of

bad guys behind us!

I'll shoot 'em!

Did you kill them?

Look out!

You're driving us

right off of a cliff! No!

Where's the siren?

We need to

get out of this lava!

Holy sh*t!

No way.

Which one?

The big one?

It fits.

Do you know

how to drive?

Yeah, I know.

Mario Kart.

Yeah, me too.

Whoa!

Me first!

Wait!

Try this one.

Awesome!

Why isn't it going?

It's moving.

It's moving!

Quick, get in.

We're going to

get in trouble.

We already ran away.

It doesn't matter.

What if someone

sees us?

We'll just tell them

we're cops.

Good idea.

This is our

cop car now.

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, sh*t, oh,

sh*t, oh, sh*t! Oh, sh*t!

Oh, sh*t!

Oh, sh*t!

Oh!

That was so cool.

This is our cop car!

This is our cop car!

This is our cop car!

F***. Sh*t.

Hello, hey. Hey. Hey there.

Hey there, Miranda.

Hello, Miranda.

Hey there, Miranda.

Hey. Hello, there.

Dispatch. Hey there,

Miranda. Mitch Kretzer.

Hey there, Sheriff.

Everything okay?

It's been better,

I'm afraid.

Oh, no.

What's wrong?

Well, I seem to be having

some trouble with my radio.

Not sure what it is.

Is this the one

in your patrol car,

or the one you got

in your truck?

Patrol car. Some kind of

odd interference I'm getting,

maybe a trucker channel

cutting through.

Or those boys out east with their

remote control airplanes. Who knows?

Anything odd

on your end?

No. Not that

I can think of.

I tried to radio in

to y'all ladies.

You didn't hear that?

Oh, no. Must not be

coming through.

I see that.

I thought y'all was just

giving me the cold shoulder.

Never, Sheriff.

Okay, well, I'm gonna see if

it's a short in the receiver,

and in the meantime,

if you do need to reach me,

why don't you just go ahead

and call me on my cell?

Are you sure

you don't want me

to send Gary down there

to have a look?

No. No. I'm gonna see if I

can handle this one by myself.

All righty.

Thank you kindly.

Have a good day.

Any games?

Nah.

Whoa.

Oh! Now me!

Last

car, repeat.

What should I say?

Be quiet! Shh!

They can't hear unless

I push down the button.

I know.

Say, "Cops are,

cops are...

"Cops drink

diarrhea milkshakes. "

Cops drink

diarrhea milkshakes

and then poop double diarrhea.

Say, "Sh*t!"

Okay.

This

is Dispatch. Please repeat.

Wait, but they're gonna

know we're not cops.

Yeah, you're right. They probably

know all the cops' voices.

Can I drive?

It keeps going when I

take my foot off the thing. Look.

Why's it doing that?

I don't know.

I know. You

jump out and run around,

and I'll scoot over and

be like, "Hurry! Get in!"

Okay.

One, two, three! Go!

That was awesome!

There's a lot of

stuff back here.

What do I do?

What?

Look.

Whoa, that's a real road.

We can go way faster

on the real road.

Should I crash

through the gate?

Nah.

I'll get it.

Sh*t.

Did that break it?

It must be titanium.

Can you open

the lock?

No.

Try hitting it with the car. Okay.

It's working.

A little further.

I'm pushing

as hard as I can.

It's working. Put your

foot down all the...

Whoa!

Serious sh*t!

Oh, sh*t!

That was awesome!

Yeah, that was so awesome.

Let's see how fast

we can go.

Yeah, okay.

Okay. Get it all

the way up to the 100.

How fast am I going now?

Let me try.

It still won't stop.

Oh, I know.

Hold on to that shifter thingy.

Okay.

Whoa!

Okay, "R" means go

backwards and "P" means stop.

Makes sense.

This is so awesome!

Look out!

Yeah!

F*** you, Marcie!

Yeah. Come on, b*tch,

get on there,

get on there.

Come on. Come on.

Get on, b*tch.

Get on.

Okay, baby.

Okay, come to Daddy.

Come on now.

Oh, come on, baby.

Come on, get on there.

Get...

Dispatch.

Miranda. Mitch again.

Hey there, Sheriff.

Any luck with that radio?

I'll tell you what, you haven't

missed a thing. It's been...

Hey, we got any units

in the Jefferson Area?

Let me check.

Yeah, I think I might

have a 211 in progress,

suspect on foot

somewhere in the vicinity...

In the vicinity of

Widefield Drive and Imperial.

Can you call that in

for me? Code 3.

Sorry, Sheriff. I didn't catch

that last part, Widefield and...

Widefield Drive

and Imperial. Code 3.

Roll the window down, sir.

License, registration,

proof of insurance, please.

Is there a problem?

I'm gonna need you to step out

of the car for me, please, sir.

Calling all

units. There's a 211 in progress.

Suspect on foot. Near

Widefield and Imperial. Code 3.

Dispatch,

this is 55.

I am 10-95 at

Imperial and Cherokee.

I can cover on that.

Just sit tight. I only need

to see your registration.

Fifty-five, copy.

Proceed to Widefield

and Imperial. Code 3.

Ten-four.

Get those tags changed.

How are you

doing today, ma'am?

I'm good. Yourself?

I'm fine.

Kind of slow.

I swear I think I just saw

the craziest thing out there.

I'll be right back.

Okay.

Well,

you want to come pick up?

Okay, what would

you like?

Okay, enjoy your lunch.

Thank you.

Bye.

Okay, thank you.

Excuse me. Officers?

More than anyone.

Daniel prophesied

those who arrive

will go to everlasting life

or everlasting death.

Mitch. We're starting to

get some radio interference now, too.

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