Cop Out

Do you know what today represents?

Nine, Jim.

Nine years me and you been together.

Nine we been main sh*t stains.

I know some dogs

that don't even live to be nine.

You lucky if you get seven years out

of a Great Dane.

But me and you

been putting it in together for nine...

Happy anniversary, Jim.

- I don't celebrate anniversaries.

- Jim, open it up.

- I wanna see the expression on your face.

- Wanna see the expression on my face?

The expression you're gonna see

on my face is "F*** you."

I hate anniversaries, Paul.

Animal.

How we gonna work this?

Same way we always do.

I interrogate him, you write it down.

Oh, so you making decisions now?

I hope the whole 6-9

know you're making decisions.

I'm gonna play the bad guy on this one.

- Doubtful.

- Undoubtful.

Highly doubtful.

And you know why?

Because you don't play the bad guy.

You just steal all the bullshit lines you

hear on TV and the movies that you like.

- And that's not acting.

- And it's not stealing. It's called homage.

- What?

- Homage.

It's French for,

"You better let me do this."

- You wanna interrogate this guy?

- Yes.

Okay. Go in there, interrogate him

and just don't f*** it up.

Find out who his supplier is

and then get out of there. All right?

Yes. You act like this dude

can't be interrogated.

You act like he's Godzilla and I'm Tokyo.

Watch and learn, Jimbo. I'm gonna show

you some motherfucking homage.

Homage.

Unbelievable.

Homage.

- Whoa, what you doing?

- Who the f*** are you? A cop?

No, no, no.

Put the gun down, man. Look.

Cops think they can hold me.

Hell, no. I'll kill all those f***ing pigs.

- You in trouble, B?

- What?

- You...

- Don't waste my motherfucking time!

Jesus Christ,

now he's doing Al Pacino from Heat.

- Help me with these cuffs, dude.

- You see this gun?

I killed a cop for it.

And I took his goddamn phone.

You f*** me on this,

and I'll blow your head off.

Because King Kong

ain't got nothing on me!

- Who's this?

- Now you're doing Training Day?

- Who's this?

- You suck as an actor.

You stay out of here!

Get the information,

let's get out of here...

...and go get something to eat.

- Stop calling here!

- Or somebody's gonna die, b*tch!

- Like a Reuben.

- If it bleeds, we can kill it!

- You see? What does that even mean?

Yes, they deserved to die,

and I hope they burn in hell!

- Hey, Paul.

- What?

You had me at "happy anniversary."

I got the death penalty in 12 systems.

- Star Wars?

- Tell us about the chicken.

- Schindler's List?

- Lord knows I love Harpo.

- But if he hit me, I'll kill him dead.

- The Color Purple?

The Forbidden Zone was once a paradise.

I got no place else to go!

We're gonna need a bigger boat.

- Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!

- Everything on cable TV.

- Yippee-ki-yay, motherf***er!

- I've never seen that movie.

I'm not gonna shoot you, Frank.

Scarface.

Who are you, man?

They call me Mr. Tibbs.

- Bobby, look at this.

- What they got you for?

- Drugs.

- Drugs?

You the motherf***er

trying to take over my corners?

- Oh, jeez!

- You taking money out my pocket?

Police!

Oh, no, I don't sell it, man!

I'm a middleman.

- Give me some of that.

- Godzilla is coming!

- Godzilla?

- Godzilla is coming!

What we have here

is failure to communicate!

You gonna spend the night in the box!

Frankly, Raul, I don't give a damn.

And where...

- And where is the Batman?

- Batman? You're crazy, man. Police!

- Why'd you call back? They don't call back!

- Police!

Nobody puts Baby in the corner!

You suck!

No, I swear, man.

I swear they drop the stuff off at my cell

phone store, then I take it to the next guy.

- Then what?

- That's it. That's all I know.

- Who does the drop?

- Who does the drop?

Diaz, all right? Juan Diaz. Juan Diaz.

These are not the droids

you're looking for.

Sit down. Sit down right here.

What the f***?

What the f*** is going...?

You're gonna give us Juan Diaz,

or you're going away for a long time.

When's your next delivery? Look at me.

I was supposed to meet him today, 1:00.

Congratulations.

You don't have to go to jail.

- You just been had by White Lightning.

- What?

And Black Thunder!

A couple of d*cks.

Time to go deep undercover, Jim.

Free minutes. You can call your

grandmother, your aunts, your uncles.

Free cell phones here!

Free cell phones here.

You should use me to call your mother.

Check it out! Check it out!

- Free cell phones.

- You're looking good in that outfit.

No one's... I'm just bored here.

There ain't nothing happening.

I think I'm gonna call Debbie.

- Right now, while we're working?

- Now, yes, now.

I think something's happening.

Something's going on.

Here comes our guy.

Want it? If I ain't got it,

I'm gonna get it.

So get it while the getting's good, get it?

Check it out.

Free minutes. You can call your

grandmother, your aunts, your uncles.

Check it out! Check them ou...

BlackBerry?

Go ahead. It's okay.

- He took the money, Jim.

- Raul gives you the sign...

...you get that guy out of there

as soon as you can.

No, no, sorry, man. Chico, no!

F***!

- Paul! Hey. Hey, hey, you all right?

- Hey, he went out the back. Get the car.

You just shot at the wrong motherf***er,

motherf***er.

All units, all units,

be advised, be advised:

It's 10-34, shots fired. One man down.

Suspect, Hispanic male,

black T-shirt, blue jeans.

Undercover officer dressed like

giant cell phone in foot pursuit.

Paul. Paul, where are you?

Stop in the name of the law.

- You see the spokes I got on this?

- Police. I need the bike.

- Kiss my ass, cell phone man.

- I said, police.

Yo, yo.

Scooby, get his ass. Come on.

Get him, Scooby. Get him, get him.

I got him. I got him.

Oh, sh*t.

Heel, fake-ass Cujo.

All right, I got him.

Bad dog. Get off... Bad dog.

Damn it.

Shoot a f***ing gun up here?

- F***.

- Put the gun down, and slide it over here.

F*** you doing firing a gun

on a platform?

Hey!

F***!

Jimmy! Look out, Jimmy!

- Jimmy!

- Hey.

Jim.

I'm doing Lance f***ing Armstrong over

here and you bullshitting on the ground.

Monroe and Hodges.

Monroe and Hodges.

You know, there's a right way

of doing police work.

There's a wrong way of doing it.

Then there's a way

that you two idiots do it.

Thank you, captain.

What happened, Jimmy?

It just went south.

Right away.

The whole thing went south, Jack.

These new Mexican gangs,

they got no style, they got no class.

- They shoot first and run second.

- You should've coordinated with Anti-Gang.

You kidding?

The guy says it's happening right now.

- We had to make a right-now move.

- Anti-Gang and OCCB...

...have been sitting on that neighborhood.

One call would have told you.

- Details never matter.

- They don't return calls.

I've got waves

of Mexican gang members moving in...

...bringing shipments of dope

to that neighborhood from Canada.

The Mexicans fly the dope to Canada

and bring it through Toronto.

Because of the heightened security

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