Cops and Robbers

---

Attention all units...

On the Brooklyn Bridge...

a stalled car blocking

the right-hand lane.

As you leave Brooklyn

starting over to the city...

cross on the Parkway.

Very, very heavy

traffic this morning.

Bumper to bumper...

Will you move your ass?

Look at him!

He's got room up there

and he doesn't move!

Move!

What is it with

all this traffic?

Nobody's budging,

for Christ's sake.

This traffic

shouldn't build up...

for at least

another 2 exits.

Does everybody work

at 7:
00...

in this goddamn town?

Aw, Christ, is it hot.

Jeez.

Coming up, the lower BQE

out of the Brooklyn Bridge...

be prepared to squeeze

to your left again.

The Manhattan-Williamsburg

Bridge is moving...

What are you gonna do?

...might serve

as a possible alternative

into the city.

An accident...

You gotta take the good

with the bad, right?

Starting out

at the Lincoln Tunnel...

You get up, you go in,

you do your job...

you make a buck,

you go home.

What the hell's the use

of complaining, right?

What the hell are

you honking about?

l can't move until

he moves, you idiot!

Forget it.

They got the nerve to

call this an expressway.

Look at that cool

son of a b*tch...

sitting there in

his air-conditioned...

Lincoln Continental.

Yeah. l know.

And his lane moves

before ours, right?

Hmm...

lt figures.

...an annual yield

of 5.20% a year.

Now, either way, you're moving

straight to financial security.

That's at the Capitalists

and lmmigrants Trust...

a member of FDlC.

Tom.

The time right now--

it's 7:
05.

Hmm?

Remember that

liquor store...

a couple of weeks ago?

Guy knocked it off

disguised as a cop?

Yeah.

That was me.

lt's too early in

the morning for put-ons.

l'm not putting you on,

Tommy.

l got 233 bucks.

On the level?

On a stack of Bibles.

-You really did it.

-Yeah, l really did it.

What do you think

of your old buddy now?

Boy, you got

some pair of balls.

You bet your sweet ass.

They clang when l walk.

Let's get to work.

The thing

that really got me...

was how easy it was.

Walk in, take it, walk out.

What about the clerk?

He give you a hassle or what?

l got a gun up his nose.

ls he gonna get a medal

holding his boss' dough?

Right. Right.

lt was so easy.

To this day, l can't believe

how easy it was.

Want to hear something

really spooky?

Yeah, sure.

Ever since it happened,

it's never been better...

in the sack

with Grace and l.

You know what l mean?

Go figure it out.

All right, let's listen up.

Be on the lookout

for 3 1/2 cans--

thermite,

ignition mixture--

stolen from City College.

The perpetrators are

unknown at this time.

Some of it may be outdated.

However, it can be used

as follows...

a report from...

...and l paid

my admission.

You know, l made friends...

and this fella

took me home...

Hey, Sarge.

We got Polansky.

Can l let him

go upstairs?

Then he pulled out

an attache case, you know?

And he had flashbulbs...

and he had all kind of

nudity-type costumes...

Hey, Louie,

l've got the pictures.

This is you, baby.

We got you

and we got you right.

This is your whole

modus operandi.

lt can't be anybody

else but you.

What do you mean, my M.O.?

That was my M.O.

you understand?

lf l had an M.O.,

my new M.O. today...

would be banks

and armored cars...

and as soon as l went in,

bang, bang, bang.

There'd be no witnesses,

you understand?

l tell ya.

Well, this time

there was witnesses.

Man, l don't even want

to hear that word.

Those are seeds.

No drugs, seeds.

Lab canary seeds

for my bird.

Well, where'd you

get the seeds?

Where'd l get the seeds?

Hey, Joe!

What are you

gonna do now?

l'm not gonna

give it back...

if that's what you mean.

l mean, are you

gonna do it again?

l don't know.

See you around.

Did you get anything?

Not from that

son of a b*tch.

He gets a ticket.

Don't worry about it.

l'll get us another one.

Speeding,

broken taillight.

What else

could l hit him with?

Oh, hey,

easy in the pool, huh?

...streets and sewers,

built to suit yourself

on rambling, quarter-acre,

wooded lots...

with a lovely view

of Acapulco Lake.

Efficient, clean,

country air...

luxurious space...

Well, this will not make

any Singapore slings.

We'll have

a gin and tonic...

like everybody else,

all right?

OK. Sure there's

enough food?

There's plenty.

How's Maximillian doing?

Good.

Huh? Mmm!

Be careful, hear?

-Got it?

-Yeah.

George, you're

a screwdriver, right?

Damn right l am!

Ohh!

ls everybody happy?

ls everybody happy?

How you guys

can stand the...

Relax.

l try, but even in

my own backyard...

George.

Boy, l thank God...

l got out of that

rat race 5 years ago--

everybody pushing

everybody around...

everybody

chiseling a buck...

even the cops tearing off

a little here and there.

lt's a natural result

of congestion.

lt's the way of

the world, George.

Not out here.

Out here, it's just

like anyplace else.

You know, you guys think

that everybody is a crook.

lt's being a cop in the city

that gives you that idea...

seeing all that corruption,

having a little part in it.

You got a bug up your back

about something?

lt's all right, Joe.

What's he getting at?

He's not getting

at anything.

Hey, George,

a lot of civilians...

can't quite make it

on their salaries.

You see what l mean?

l mean, the city

distorts your mind.

l mean, you think

everybody's a crook.

George, you come home

every night...

with a sack of

groceries, right?

You don't do that with

any employee discount.

You just pack up the bag...

and walk out the door,

right, Georgie?

Now, wait a minute.

That's a prerogative of

my managerial position.

Now, if the salary

that l was paid...

reflected my true value

to the firm--

you'd do the same thing

in spades, George.

Look, everybody hustles.

Nobody likes it.

What are you gonna do?

The way l look at it,

George...

there's this many people,

there's this much money.

So we gotta steal

a little...

to make up

the difference, right?

Well, now, there l can

go along with you.

l mean, it's right.

You gotta make up

the difference.

Like me in

the supermarket...

you guys trying to get

what you can get.

But the point is this--

Hey, George, will you

knock off that crap?!

l'm sick and tired

of hearing people...

talk about all the corruption

that cops are involved in.

People don't know

the first thing...

about what the hell

they're talking about!

lf Tommy and l

wanted to be corrupt...

we could get

anything we want!

With all we know and

with the position we're in...

we could get anything, man...

and l'm not talking

frozen broccoli...

or potato chips, pal.

l mean anything.

You know what anything is?

Anything!

But we're good cops...

so we control ourselves.

He's right, Georgie.

Tom? Tom, come on.

We're gonna take

some pictures now.

To be used as evidence

against us in the morning.

Be right there, Mary.

You know, George,

you're not a bad guy...

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