Cover Versions Page #5

---

Man, he's a f***ing baby,

okay?

The moment we tell him,

he's gone.

And it's, "Sayonara, Kirky."

I hope you're right.

Dude, trust me.

I'm always right.

Wanna see

if they have a Ping-Pong table?

JACKIE:

Yeah.

[]

It hit the net.

That's a redo.

No, it's only a redo

on the serve.

- No, it's a redo every time.

- It's only a redo on the serve.

In what rule book?

All of them.

[LAUGHING]

- Aren't they all?

- No.

- [INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

- Hey. Girls.

[KIRK EXHALES AUDIBLY]

MAPLE:
We're staying

in a motel in Indio.

- You guys got any meth?

- No.

Kirk says

you're playing tomorrow.

Weather's supposed to be

so cool.

Oh, come on, dude. I thought

we had a deal. No partying.

This isn't partying.

I think showing up with

a bottle of whiskey and groupies

kind of leads to partying,

don't you think?

Look, Jackie,

if you wanna do

this whole Mary Poppins thing,

go right ahead.

All right? I've got

some earplugs you can borrow.

But you're not my mom. I'm gonna

chase it tonight whether...

You're out of the band,

dude.

[CHUCKLING]

- What?

- Yeah, we thought

it was the best thing

for the group.

Best for the group.

Best for the group?

I've been a critical part of

this group for a f***ing year.

We gave it a shot

and it didn't work out.

Heh. Look, there are plenty

of keyboard players out there,

especially ones

who don't treat people

that are supposed to be

their friends like a**holes.

You two agree with this?

[]

So this is how you tell me?

In front of total strangers.

Hey, nobody asked you

to go scrounging for puss.

[SCOFFS]

Well, you know what?

Whether you want me

in this band or not,

I'm playing that show

tomorrow.

You can't deny me

that experience.

I f***ing earned it.

He's right.

F***, yeah, I'm right.

And you know what else,

Jackie?

I'm gonna party tonight

like I've been waiting to

for months.

Call some friends.

Hot ones.

Travis,

order us some pizzas.

Later, dude.

[MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]

- Hey, man.

- Hey, how's it going?

All right.

Hey,

has anybody ever told you

you look like the dude

from American Pie?

Who?

The Sherminator.

[CHUCKLES]

Because I have red hair? No.

Forty-two fifty.

Here you go.

Keep the change.

Have a good night.

TRAVIS:
All right, who wants pizza?

Excuse me.

Hey, man.

You want some coconut water?

I got a whole case

in the fridge.

No, thanks. I'm good.

All right.

Well, remember to stay hydrated.

We're in a desert,

after all.

- Cool. Cool.

- All right.

Oh, the Sazerac you requested,

sir.

- Oh, why, thank you, Miss Lucy.

- You're so welcome.

- AMBER:
Hi.

- Hey.

So do you wanna go teach me

how to play your drums?

Mm. I would, because people love

when you turn the music off

at a party

to give a drum lesson.

There's just one problem.

I can't find my sunglasses.

Can't give a drum lesson

without sunglasses.

Okay, heh.

So do you wanna go

smoke this joint, then?

- Absolutely.

- Okay.

So was that awkward for you,

earlier

at the Ping-Pong table?

What,

you don't like Ping-Pong?

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, of course it was.

It wasn't supposed

to go down like that.

We were supposed to do it

in the van.

Well, at least he has Maple

to console him,

and knowing her, she's gonna

do it in a bathing suit.

- Hm.

- [CHUCKLES]

So Jackie's pretty intense,

huh?

I'm good.

I was watching

the "Castles" video,

and I was like,

"She seems intense,

but she's probably

really down-to-earth."

And then I met her

and I was like,

"No,

she's really that intense."

She's actually pretty chill.

I think this whole Kirk thing

has been pretty rough on her.

On all of us, really.

But she knows

what she's doing.

She's our fearless leader,

on-stage and off.

Sure, sometimes she can use

some unorthodox methods

to get things done,

but, you know, I trust her

to do what's best

for the band.

Can I ask you

a personal question?

Sure.

Where's the bathroom?

Whew. Oh, my... I don't...

It's right there.

[LAUGHS]

Thanks.

[MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]

- BYRON:
Kirk!

- MAPLE:
Seriously?

[KIRK LAUGHS]

- MAPLE:
Come on.

- [KIRK LAUGHS]

- MAPLE:
Stop.

- [KIRK LAUGHING]

- It's not even funny anymore.

- Come on.

Stop. No, no. Stop.

What a dick.

AMBER:

What did you say?

Oh, I wasn't talking

to you. Uh...

Allison?

Anne?

What the f***?

MAPLE:

Okay. Wait.

Jennifer Perry?

[TOILET FLUSHES]

Come on. Come and look

at the stars with me.

[SIGHS]

Don't see nights like this

in L.A.

[]

Nope.

Look.

It's Orion's Belt.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, sh*t,

I forgot to call my mom.

Huh.

That's weird.

That you wanna call

your mom right now?

Yeah, it's a little weird.

No, my phone.

It was on the charger

right there.

I didn't notice.

Yeah, it was.

You sure you didn't

accidentally grab it?

It had a bright green case.

I'm pretty sure, yeah.

Would you mind checking?

Like, in your purse?

Okay.

[SCOFFS]

I mean...

I don't...

Oh.

Wait.

Here it is.

- Wait, what?

- Shh.

Hey. We have a problem.

Okay.

- So...

- Shut up.

- Are you...?

- Shut the f*** up.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

[DOOR OPENS]

Nice discretion, Jen.

Douche went through my purse

while I was

in the bathroom, Erin.

What? No. I wasn't being creepy.

I was just...

I couldn't remember

her name.

Oh, well, thank God.

Next time,

take your purse with you.

Noted. Thanks.

What are we gonna do,

blow this place?

No. Have you seen

their equipment?

That's like 6, 7000 dollars'

worth of stuff right there.

And earlier I was scoping out

the bedrooms and I found...

You know, actually,

this might work out.

AMBER:

Move.

LUCY:

Go.

[MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]

Keep it cool, Cheech.

Take this.

Go ahead, drink.

Okay.

[DOOR OPENS]

[SIGHS]

What's up, dude?

Switch rooms with me.

What?

Why?

Your bed is bigger.

Oh, come on, man.

Are you f***ing kidding me

right now?

Oh, come on. Please?

Yeah, please.

You owe me one, Jackie.

Remember that night

after Kaaboo?

AMBER:

Good catch.

Didn't notice it

in my sweep earlier.

That's why they pay me

the big bucks.

So you guys are, like,

bandits or something?

Like, sexy female bandits?

Something like that.

That's pretty cool.

- What's the combination?

- To what?

To the f***ing safe

I'm currently pointing at.

I don't know. I didn't even know

there was a safe there.

What? Kirk told us

you owned this house.

TRAVIS:
That sounds like

something he'd say.

Was he trying to get

into your pants at the time?

- [SCOFFS]

- Sh*t.

LUCY:

Okay, we'll call Rita.

Rita's car is in the shop.

Then we'll go pick her up.

Is Rita,

like, your safecracker? Uh...

Oh.

I suddenly don't feel

so good.

I kind of feel like...

[]

It's probably the Rohypnol.

The date-rape drug?

Heh. It was in the Sazerac

I made for you.

It should be kicking in

pretty hardcore right about now.

Are you gonna date-rape me?

Heh. Guess you'll find out

in the morning, won't you?

[OBJECT THUMPS; MAN GRUNTS]

TRAVIS:

Ow.

Oh, God, what the f***?

Am I in a closet?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes