Crackers Page #6

more champagne? - [ Cork Pops ]

Oh, you're so generous. What time is it?

[ Man's Voice ] It's 2:30 by my

watch, but I think I'm a little slow.

Is it 2:
35 over there?

[ Party Music, Chattering Continues ]

[ Ringing Bell ] Telephone!

Boardwalk, for you.

[ Muffled Voice ] Hey, kids!

[ Crunching ]

[ Slurping ]

[ Man On Record ] Aw, man, wait a minute.

[ Inhaling ]

[ High-Pitched Voice ] You contractors all

have such a wonderful time at parties.

I'm amazed. This is terribly

well-organized, the way you've done it.

[ Man On Record ] Man, come on, let's go.

[ Weslake ] Wait a minute!

Dillard's gonna play the guitar.

Hang on and listen. Shut up, everybody,

and let Dillard play the guitar.

[ Static, Flamenco Guitar Strumming ]

Shut up, I said!

Hey, Dillard, you're terrific.

The best, man...

[ Guitar Continues ]

[ Boardwalk Sighs ] Where the hell is he?

[ Sighing ]

Everybody here? Yeah!

Okay, synchronize watches.

Fifty-three.

Fifty-four.

Fif...

[ Clock Striking 2:00 ]

Sixty.

Okay, let's go. The coal chute.

Hey, Boardwalk. What?

The keys. I ain't got no keys.

Ramon says he saw you

at La Rondall with the scrub.

He said she gave 'em to you.

She changed her mind.

The keys are not part of the plan.

We stick to the plan.

[ Bangs Cans ] Shh!

[ Dog Barking ] Bolt cutter.

[ Rattling ]

Bolt cutter!

[ Snickering ]

[ Wheezing Laughter ]

Good.

Ready? Yeah.

When you get to the bottom, go up the

stairs and let us in the front door, okay?

Okay. I'll help you down.

Good.

[ Turtle Screams, Crashing ]

[ Clattering ]

Turtle?

[ Banging, Cat Meows ]

[ Turtle Screams, Cat Meows ] Turtle?

[ Meowing Continues, Groaning

] Are you all right?

[ Groaning ] What are you doin'?

The door is stuck.

All right. Get him out of there.

[ Dog Barking ]

Okay. Plan "B."

Piece of cake. Fire escape.

We go around and up, over the skylight,

down the shaft, in through the window.

Simple. Come on.

Get down!

Piece of cake.

Dillard?

Okay, I got it. [ Yells ]

[ Dogs Barking ]

Okay, go on up.

Turtle, go ahead.

Boardwalk, go!

Ramon... go!

What's the matter? The tool bag.

I'll take the goddamn tool bag.

Come on.

Now what? I don't like ladders.

This is a hell of a time to mention it!

Nobody asked me before.

[ Tires Screeching, Dogs Barking ]

Where's Ramon?

He wouldn't climb the ladder.

That's cool. Just more for us.

[ Dillard ] No way, man.

He's part of the team.

He is, huh? That's funny,

'cause I don't see him.

We're already four minutes and

28 seconds behind schedule.

Come on, let's go.

[ Boardwalk ] Say, man, you sure

this thing's gonna hold us up?

Yeah, it's plate. Just

don't walk on the glass.

Just go on carefully and brace yourself

against the edge of it, like this.

Careful.

Easy, Turtle.

Freeze! Sh*t! [ Dillard Gasps ]

[ Artiste ] Welcome to my little atelier.

So this is the, uh, thing

you were talking about.

[ Laughing ]

Ooh! It's so big.

What I'm trying to do with it...

I-I-I'm trying to explore the

interplay of light and shadow...

as it moves through space. Hmm.

It's very sexy.

Ah, Maxine, you promised me.

Maybe I lied.

You're gonna tell me

everything about your mother.

Now put the music on.

[ Classical ]

Oh, Maxine, what are you doing?

Helping you relax.

I'm very relaxed. [ Maxine Giggles

] Your toes are clenched.

[ Maxine Giggling ]

[ Indistinct Talking ]

[ Bottle Clanks ]

Psst, here.

[ "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" ]

This is one of my favorite

pieces of music. What is it?

The Nutcracker.

Really? Mm-hmm. "Dance of

the Sugar Plum Fairy."

Oh, how sweet.

Well, it just makes me

feel like moving in space.

[ Continues ]

She's a wonderful dancer.

Maxine. Wha... No.

What are you doing? Stop. We

already talked about this.

I know, honey. I just had another thought.

Maxine! Don't worry. That's the good part.

I get to show you. Maxine!

Relax. I'll do the hard part.

[ Gasps ] Atta boy, tiger!

[ Artiste ] Jesus, you're

kinkier than I thought.

[ Maxine Giggling ]

Come on! I got all stiff.

In the leg, man.

That's the window over there.

[ Turtle ] Do we have to do this?

Turtle! Come on.

[ Dillard Groaning ] The soup!

Dillard. Boardwalk stepped on my damn hand.

Glass cutter.

It's got no cutter! Sh*t!

[ Boardwalk ] That's the way I would

have done it in the first place.

Just shut up and show us the way.

[ Stumbling On Glass ]

We are one hour and 23

minutes behind schedule.

Where are we? You're in the dining room.

No, no, that's the den. W-Wait a minute.

[ Weslake ] One, two, three,

That used to be the living room.

Four, five, six,

seven, eight... Ohh!

What took you so much? Ramon?

How'd you get in?

Okay, I saw the meter maidcome

in the front with this guy,

so I put my foot on the door. Good, huh?

Good. Did you know she was in here?

Yeah, yeah, we knew. But how

did you get in this place?

Did you break in to this apartment? No.

The door, it was open.

Yeah. All right, all right.

Let's go. Ten, eleven...

Boardwalk, drill right there.

[ Banging ] What are you doin'?

I gotta find a spot. Just drill there.

All right. You're the boss.

[ Drill Revving ]

You hit the water pipe! You

told me to drill here!

[ Mrs. O'Malley ] Oh, he'll

be so happy to see you.

You're such a little gypsy.

[ Cat Meowing ] I'll turn on the light.

There you go.

Now, there, you're home.

[ Water Gurgling ]

Hello? Mr. Monicelli?

This is Vera O'Malley, your neighbor.

I just wanted you to know

that my idea worked.

I left the door open

and the kitty came back.

What? You wanted her out? How come?

Well, never mind.

I know why you wanted her out.

Just a second. I'll get her.

- Naughty kitty.

- Get the cat.

Naughty kitty.

[ Meowing ]

[ Sighs ]

Okay. I put the kitty out again.

But I'm afraid you're going to have a

little cleanup to do when you get home.

Huh? Yes, I got the key.

No, it wasn't Jasmine who brought it.

A friend of hers. A nice colored gentleman.

A real fancy dresser, I'll tell you.

Bye-bye.

[ Hangs Up Phone, Footsteps ]

[ Meows ]

[ Door Closes ] Okay. Over here.

Move the furniture.

"Nice colored gentleman," eh? What?

I get it. You have the hard-on for the maid.

You talkin' to me, man? I don't care about

no maid. Besides, she's a decorator.

You had the key! It doesn't

make any difference.

If he had used the key, they could have

traced it to him and nailed all of us.

Now, get to work! Exactly!

Dillard, Ramon, bring that couch.

Turn.

[ Weslake ] We're nearly there.

[ Indistinct Muttering ]

[ Groaning ]

Damn! This sh*t's harder than workin'!

[ Debris Falling ]

We are four hours and 17

minutes behind schedule.

Now, let's do it, and let's

do it right this time.

[ Weslake ] Aw, sh*t. Wrong wire.

Perfect.

Frijoles.

[ Boardwalk ] Mm-mm. Red

beans and ham hocks.

[ Clock Cuckooing ]

It's good.

Yeah. Jasmine's all right.

She can cook.

It needs chilies.

It don't need nothin'.

It's great just the way it is.

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