Creepshow 2 Page #2

Move, lady, or I'm gonna blow off

your old man's... (Navajo)!

- Any cute stuff back there...

- (Slap)

.. I'll pull this trigger.

- This thing work?

- What?

The photo machine, does it work?

Yes.

(Sam) Look at this.

Phooo, look at this sweetheart.

Tell me this ain't a movie star.

What, are you kidding?

They gotta make me a movie star.

Hey, as soon as they see this hair,

they're gonna say, "Sam,

"get over here.

"Get in front of these cameras.

"There's 100 million women out there,

"just waiting to run that hair

between their legs. "

Nine years it took me to grow this hair, man.

I'm not just f***ing around here.

I'm going to Hollywood, man.

This hair is gonna get me paid and laid.

Over here, lady.

(Louder) Over here, lady.

Now, I want you to stand right over here

and don't move, OK?

Give me that.

(Buzzer and whirring)

Look at this.

Look at this.

Hey.

Hey, you know that movie,

about the guy that's got, like,

superpowers and sh*t because of his hair?

Then this b*tch cuts his hair off.

And he gets weak.

He gets like an ordinary guy.

You know that movie?

I'm better-looking

than the guy in that movie.

- Don't you think?

- (Pinball dings)

Here, take a look.

Take a look.

Uh-uh! Stay right where you are, old man.

Unless you wanna see your lady in pieces.

Sam.

There's no cash around here,

we got all the sh*t we need. Let's go.

Not yet, rich boy.

- Did you know my buddy here was rich?

- No.

Well, his old man's rich. His old man

bought my buddy here a Firebird.

A f***ing Firebird

that's gonna fly us all to Hollywood, USA.

And one more step and... bam!

Sam, there's nothing left for us to take.

There's nothing here we need.

Maybe there's nothing else you need,

rich boy.

But there's something else I need.

Go get your car, Cavanaugh.

Get your f***ing car, rich boy. We're leaving

for LA sooner than we figured.

Hey, Cavanaugh.

You run out on me and I'll find you.

I ain't running out on you, Sam.

I ain't running nowhere.

- We're all in this together.

- Yeah, I know that, Sam.

There's one more item you have to turn over

if you want this woman to live.

What is it?

That bag of rock candy

my uncle brought here today.

That's it in your hand, isn't it?

Toss it over here and I'll let the lady go.

Sam, what are you talking about?

What do you mean, rock candy?

There's $10,000 worth of silver and stone

in that bag, man.

- The keys to the city of Los Angeles.

- (Martha yelps)

- Is that true, old man? Let me see.

- Sam, you can't take this.

This belongs to your people, to the tribe.

- No! Stop it!

- These are treasures

your people have had for years.

- If you take them...

- Stop it!

(Gunshot)

(Fat Stuff) Holy God! Holy Jesus!

Martha?

Martha?

Let's go, Fat Stuff.

We got some money that needs spending.

Holy sh*t! Holy Jesus!

I've never seen nothing like that before.

Yeah.

Well, now you've seen it.

Now you're gonna forget it.

- Forget it?

- That's right, Fat Stuff.

Forget it.

We're going to Hollywood, Vince.

Hollywood?

You mean all of us? Me, too?

I wouldn't leave you behind, Fat Stuff.

Sh*t, man. I gotta have my slave with me

wherever I go.

Hollywood.

It's OK.

There's nobody around.

We're outta here.

We're outta here, Fat Stuff.

We're outta here, man.

We're outta here for good.

No more of this bullshit, man.

No more eatin' dust for a livin'.

There ain't no dust in Hollywood, man.

And there ain't no f***in' tribe of

tommin', wimpy-assed red men, neither.

(Howls)

- (Engine revving)

- Sam, come on, let's get outta here.

(Creaking)

We leave tonight.

What?

Yeah, whatever you say, Sam.

We all go home, round up

whatever sh*t we wanna take.

Rich boy, you pick me up at eleven.

Then we'll go get Fat Stuff.

How about it, Fat Stuff?

(Laughs nervously)

(Howls)

(TV in background)

(Dog howls)

(TV) 'Here's O. Henry's famous

Robin Hood of the old West...

'the Cisco Kid!'

(Belches)

Mm-hm.

(Man on TV) 'Loco!'

- (High-pitched) Loco!

- 'Loco!'

'Loco!'

(High-pitched) Loco!

(Horse whinnies on TV)

(Horse whinnies on TV)

'Loco!'

- Lo...

- (Whizzing then thud)

(Coughs)

(Whizzing then thud)

(Whizzing then thud)

(Man on TV) 'Loco!'

'Loco!'

(Mechanism whirring)

(Sweeping romantic music on TV)

'Reach, mister. '

'Cisco, it's me, Poncho. '

'Don't you realise me?'

'There is something vaguely familiar about

you but, my, how you have changed. '

- (Thud, splintering glass)

- (Horse whinnies on TV)

(Smashing glass)

'Poor Diablo. '

- (Smashing glass)

- 'He wouldn't whinny if Loco wasn't around. '

'I look but I don't see... '

(Smashing glass)

'Look, Cisco, he realises me

even in my stripes. '

'Yes, Loco has more sense than you. '

(Whirring)

'You'll regret double-crossing me, Cisco. '

'I still say it's for your own good, Bob.

I know what I'm doing. '

- 'Why do you want to...?'

- Look at this sweetheart.

There's no way this kid can miss.

'And we don't like to do that to our friends. '

- 'Friends, my eye. '

- (Thud)

No.

You're not alive, man.

You can't be alive.

Come on, man! Come on!

(Blood-curdling yell)

(Yell continuing, slowing fading)

(Chickens clucking)

Now...

may your spirit rest, old warrior.

Hgonee.

Hgonee.

(Creep) 'Well, kiddies,

'that was quite a price

for young Sam Whitemoon to pay. '

'To pay, huh?'

Here's your package, Billy.

COD. Nine dollars and 99 cents.

Quite expensive for a toy

ordered out of a funny paper.

Creepshow is not a funny paper.

And this is no toy.

Well, what is it then?

It's a Venus flytrap bulb.

A Venus what bulb?

Venus flytrap. It's a plant that eats meat.

(Roars)

All that stuff's a jig.

Those are probably just petunia bulbs.

I don't think so, Mr Haig.

Still here, kiddies?

Well, if old Chief Wood'nhead

didn't drive you away,

you might enjoy this next splintering tale

whittled from the same wormwood.

It's a splashing little ditty

about some people who are

left stranded without a paddle

on a sea of blood.

This bubbly bonbon is titled...

The Raft.

(# Rock music blaring)

(Tyres screeching, hooting)

(Man).. thank you for waiting.

- (Woman) Pass the joint.

- (Man) Pass the joint!

Ha-ha!

Whoa! Pass the joint! Pass the joint!

It's almost Halloween, Randy. Cascade

Reach has been closed since Labor Day.

The raft will be there. I saw it last week.

We were on a geology field trip.

Just cos you saw it there last week

don't mean it's gonna be there now.

- (Hooter plays tune)

- Hey, Rachel!

Quiet down. You talk too much.

The raft... It'll be there. The raft...

(Coughs).. will be there.

A little bit of...

(Continues coughing)

Whoo!

Because what?

A little bit of summer

that somebody forgot to clean up.

The guys that own the lake

don't pull the raft in until the lake's

almost ready to freeze.

Well, it had better be there, Poncho.

This has been a long 50 miles.

I don't believe we're going swimming.

Why not? It'll be fun.

Right? (Whoops)

Whoa, personal foul.

Illegal use of hash, number 32.

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