Creepshow 2 Page #4

Aagh.

Catch him! I want his ass.

Young Billy knows his way around town.

They won't catch him in a hurry.

I think we've got time for

one more creepy concoction.

Our last morbid masterpiece,

which I call The Hitch-Hiker.

(Cars hooting)

Jesus! It's 11:
15.

I gotta go.

Something must be wrong

with your alarm clock.

What?

Something must be wrong with

your alarm clock.

(Sighing) Oh, yeah.

Must have been a power outage.

It always goes to twelve like this

when the power goes off.

- What time did you say it was?

- 11:
15.

- Goddamn piece of digital junk.

- (Alarm beeps)

Could land me in divorce court.

- Why don't you use a wind-up alarm clock?

- Cos I don't have one.

- Get one. I'll pay for it.

- (Car hooting)

No, I hate the way they sound. They sound

like school bells between classes.

This electronic alarm sounds like...

early-morning birdsong.

It makes me think

that I'm waking up outdoors.

I didn't know you were the outdoor type.

Annie, please. Come on.

You've got your Mercedes.

I'm never gonna get mine at these prices.

It's what you quoted me.

It's what I've been paying you.

A special introductory rate.

That's what this was.

I see. Hook 'em, then up the price.

Is that it?

Are you hooked?

- Maybe.

- Maybe.

I do my job well, I expect to be paid well.

Now, come on. I counted six orgasms.

And you probably had others...

silently, so I wouldn't get a swelled head.

You charge by the orgasm?

Good idea. Maybe I should.

Then I'd have something to work for.

- Piece work.

- (Annie laughs)

You have no shame.

Next week.

Unless I get a better-paying job.

Bye, love.

I hope you're not in Dutch.

I can get you a good attorney

if it comes to that.

I've got a good attorney.

My husband.

And I don't wanna lose him.

Without him,

you'd never get your Mercedes.

(Laughs)

Mrs Annie Lansing,

winner of the 100-yard dash,

will attempt to do the impossible.

Twenty miles in...

seven minutes.

Jesus, that really is impossible.

Maybe he'll be late.

No, not Mr George Lansing, Esquire.

- Unthinkable.

- (Tyres screech)

11:
30 means 11:30.

Not 11:
29...

not 11:
31...

but 11:
30.

What will I say?

I was...

I was out with Trudy and Jim.

No.

We'll see Trudy and Jim on Saturday.

I, uh...

I... went to see a movie.

I went to get laid, George.

There's this wonderful guy.

He charges $150, but that's for six -

count 'em! - six orgasms.

That's, uh...

$25 a pop.

Not bad.

What do you think, George?

- Sh*t!

- (Tyres screech)

"It's real leather, Mrs Lansing.

That will cost you $1,743 dollars. "

Damn!

Jesus!

(Screams)

(Sighs)

(Wind howling)

(Car approaching)

(Alarm beeping)

Hey, buddy!

What the f*** happened?

Looks like a hit and run.

Yeah?

Car blew by me a little while ago.

Couldn't see the lights.

Don't know what the hell it was.

Looks like a black guy, huh?

- (Man answers)

- 911.

I want to report a hit and run.

- The victim's dead.

- What's happening?

What do you think's happening?

Guy got creamed, that's what.

It happens all the time.

About a quarter mile from

the on-ramp on 395.

Right.

(Hooting)

All right, Annie.

Calm down.

Think.

Think rationally.

Can you live with this?

That's the question.

A guy's dead.

No.

You don't actually know that.

You don't know that...

for certain.

It's done.

It was an accident, a legitimate accident.

So why should I f*** up my life, right?

(Sighs)

(Radio stations flip)

(Woman) 'You'd better get away... '

(# Baroque music)

Oh, God!

I could always turn myself in

if I find I can't live with it.

I could turn myself in...

later.

Nothing coming. Nobody following me.

I don't think the truck saw me.

The guy in the car was too far away

to identify me, I'm sure of that.

(Music stops)

(Tyres screech)

(Horn blares)

You're seeing things, b*tch.

You can't live with it.

I can't live with the idea that...

How are you doing, lady?

Thanks!

Thanks for the ride.

(Tyres squeal)

Bastard.

(Screams) No!

No! No!

Thanks for the ride, lady!

Thanks for the ride, lady!

Thanks for the ride!

(Yells)

Thanks for the ride, lady!

(Screams)

(Annie sobs)

(Whirring)

Oh, God!

(Sighs)

(Owls hoot)

(Owls hoot)

Damn.

(Screams)

How are you doing, lady? Thanks.

Thanks for the ride.

- (Gunshot)

- (Groans)

- Thanks for the ride, lady.

- (Screams)

(Clicking)

(Car engine starts)

(Annie) I got you!

I got you!

(Tyres screech)

Bastard!

(Wind howling)

Who is he?

Who the hell is he? Christ!

Oh.

(Whimpers)

Oh.

Look at this car.

Three thousand, maybe four...

"Four thousand, Mrs Lansing,

"and the car will look like

you just drove it out of the showroom. "

(Laughs) "What happened, Mrs Lansing?"

Oh, I ran over some guy

and over and over and over and over...

and...

No.

No, it's impossible!

(Gasps) No.

(Wailing) Oh, God!

"That'll cost you, Mrs Lansing. "

(Owl hooting)

(Moans softly)

I hit a tree.

I hit a tree, that's all.

The whole thing was a dream.

There was no hitch-hiker.

There was nobody at all.

Oh, Jesus.

(Groans)

Jesus.

But where the hell am I?

Oh, I've gotta get back on the road.

(Sighs)

You are one screwed-up broad,

Mrs Lansing.

(Sighs)

Maybe I've had a concussion.

What are you supposed to do

for a concussion?

(Sighs) "Well, concussion, Mrs Lansing. "

"That'll cost ya.

"$27,000.

"I know it sounds like a lot

"but you're gonna look like you just

drove yourself out of the showroom. "

Mrs Lansing the money machine.

Ha!

Well, at least this will explain

why I'm getting home so late.

"I had an accident, dear.

"It was a really frightening experience. "

I don't believe it.

He's not home.

For the first time in recorded history,

he's late.

My car gets smashed...

my brain gets bent...

and he's late.

Thanks for the ride, lady.

Thanks for the ride.

(Screams)

Thanks for the ride, lady.

(Screams)

Thanks for the ride, lady.

How much do you want?

Annie?

Annie.

(Creep) 'There's a lesson for you kiddies.

'Never pick up hitch-hikers. '

On the hood of your car. (Chuckles)

(Engine starts)

Well, (Sniffs) it's time for this boogie man

to... boogie.

I'll be slayin' ya, boors and ghouls.

Till next issue,

try to stay scared, eh?

Ooh, I almost forgot about young Billy.

I think he's found his way

with his friends.

(Creep cackles)

Kid, I'm gonna put you in traction.

Get ready for some serious pain.

- 'Serious pain. '

- (Bullies laugh)

(Roars)

(All scream)

No! (Screams)

No, no, no, no, no!

(Screams)

(Yells)

The Venus flytraps.

Giant Venus flytraps.

They eat meat.

(Cackling)

Oh-ho!

(Screeching)

(Cackles)

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