Creepshow 3

That's my other line.

I'll call you back later.

- All right.

- Jerry, can you see my hair?

Hey, can you pick me up later?

I need to go to the mall.

I need those shoes

we saw yesterday.

I can't. I'm picking up

Yanin from ballet.

Yamil, why can't

Yustin pick her up?

He has baseball practice.

Why don't you go yourself?

Because I'm still not

allowed near the car.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

That stop sign

was in the wrong place.

What is he wearing?

- Who?

- The weirdo on 25.

Professor Dayton?

My dad says he's a genius.

He gives me the creeps.

I'm walking away.

Excuse me,

Mr. Mailman?

I can not wait to move out

of this neighborhood.

- I know, right?

- Hi, sir. How are you today?

How am I?

Hang on, cute guy alert.

What? Who? Where?

Give me all the details.

Where's he at?

Fat Joe's.

Must be a cousin.

It's a package.

I've been waiting for weeks

for a package.

It's about this big.

Why don't you go back

to your computer, you geek?

Oh. I cannot wait to move out

of this neighborhood.

You already said that.

Oh, that's my mom calling.

I gotta go.

Come rescue me, please?

Okay, I'll call you at home.

Okay? Bye.

What matters is

I've been waiting weeks

for a package

that looks just like that!

I really hate

this neighborhood.

Ugh.

Aren't you going

to say hello, Alice?

What's that, Dad?

Oh, it's

a universal remote.

It's supposed to

control everything.

I picked it up

from a street vendor.

Looks like one of

the professor's gadgets.

Maybe I should

show it to him.

- That creep across the street?

- Alice.

Don't talk about him

like that, Alice.

He's a very

intelligent man.

- Whatever.

- Young lady,

you're gonna wash your

hands and come back down.

Dinner is almost ready.

She can't eat,

she's on a diet.

He's eavesdropping on me.

Mom, tell him to stop.

Because she's fat.

Lewis, say something.

What diet?

What fat?

Hey, didn't we have a talk

about listening in

on other people's

conversations?

I wasn't.

Mom!

Honey...

We'll talk after dinner.

Now do as I say.

She's too skinny.

She'll never find a husband.

She has no ass.

Grandma!

- Is that how a dean talks?

- I'm off-duty.

What's so funny about

not having an ass?

An ass is more

important than tits.

Tits are for amateurs.

Please tell me I'm adopted.

If I understand this setting,

this button controls

the color and hue settings.

- Hello.

- Hey, girl, it's me.

I'm an amateur.

Tell me you dumped

the little brat

and we're going

to the mall.

Hello...

Dad, there's something

wrong with the phone.

Da...

Dad?

Mom?

Grams?

Jesse?

Come out now.

You're not funny.

Are you still

with us, Alice?

Young lady, you're going to wash

your hands and come back down.

Dinner's almost ready.

- What's going on?

- She can't eat. She's on a diet.

Because she's fat.

Lewis, say something.

Fat?

What? Who's fat?

Didn't we have a talk about listening

to other people's conversations?

I wasn't.

Mom!

Honey... you be quiet.

We'll talk after dinner.

Now do as I say.

She's too skinny.

She'll never find a husband.

She has no ass.

Mom, shame on you.

I think this one's

Please.

The remote.

The remote.

Sir? Dad? Seor?

Please don't

touch that thing.

Don't touch.

Alice.

Alice.

Hey!

Hey, Professor Dayton!

Professor Dayton!

Professor!

Alice.

Hey!

Wait! No!

Professor Dayton!

Professor Dayton, wait!

Okay.

I get it about the ball!

I won't throw it again.

You can stop now.

I really hate

this neighborhood.

Professor Dayton!

Professor Dayton!

Professor?

Professor?

I only know her number

on speed dial.

Police!

- Hello?

- 911, what is your emergency?

Please, you have to help me.

Hello?

- Hello? Send somebody.

- Hello? Someone there?

He's getting married?

That's f***ed up.

Delivery for Professor...

Dayton?

Are you supposed

to be here, miss?

Oh my God.

You have to help me.

Hold on, I'll be

right back, okay?

Hold on.

Okay.

What a weird looking remote.

So far it doesn't do much.

Can't even change the channels.

Take it to the professor.

It was a five-mile walk

to the nearest TV set,

barefoot in the winter.

And we all knew

the piano player

with the candelabra

was a pansy.

Just like your Uncle Brett.

What a f*ggot he was.

Grandma!

Work, damn it.

No!

Good going, Dad.

You just turned off the TV set.

Lewis!

Mom, it's me!

It's Alice!

It's me!

Grab the gun, Lewis!

- Grab it!

- Dad, hurry!

Ow!

Hello, Alice.

Isn't the detective's

gadget a riot?

Grab your gun!

Shoot the damn

thing already!

Please, I just

want to be normal.

But you already are, Alice.

This is who you are.

Professor, don't go

near that thing!

It's all right,

Detective Jacobs.

This sweet little thing

is completely harmless.

What is it?

It's a rabbit, of course.

Oh, it is...

it is a rabbit.

What's...

what's his name?

Alice.

Her name is Alice.

You bad girl,

chewing through

your cage like that.

I've been looking

all over for you.

Oh, look what I've got.

Your favorite toy.

What a character.

Alice.

What a pretty name.

I ain't playing with you.

Get in that damn street

and make my f***ing money!

Is there a problem?

F***.

Hey!

Hey!

- I said, is there a f***ing problem?

- No, no problem.

Damn right there ain't

no f***ing problem.

Yeah.

Hey, man.

Hey, listen.

Hey, you looking

for some companionship?

- No thanks.

- No, man, I can set you up.

- I've seen you lookin', man.

- I'm good.

Yeah?

Come on, man.

Whatever you want.

Where are you?

Hey.

Hey, b*tch!

You got a permit

to work my building?

Hey!

What the hell?

Hey, Jerry.

Eva!

Get your ass down here.

I'm coming.

Bye, Jerry.

Eva!

I'm coming.

F***!

Oh, man. F***.

... and now a foul

call against Martinez.

Damn it.

God damn it.

- Yo, yo!

- Got change?

Come on, young man,

buy something!

- F*** you.

- Buy something.

Oh, take a look.

Take a look.

Look,

it's a nice radio.

- Yo, yo.

- Lady, lady, lady.

See anything you like?

Got a crystal ball.

Book on voodoo.

Anybody piss you off lately?

I don't read much.

What do you want for the radio?

Radio with the antenna...

$5 going with

the antenna.

Without the antenna...

without the antenna,

is $10.

Why is the one

with the antenna less?

Less radio.

All you need is duct tape

and a piece of wire.

Make an antenna.

I'll go less radio

more antenna.

Give me the money.

Give me the money.

Keep the change.

F*** you too!

Ya!

Yeah, yeah.

What a smart-ass

he was.

Smart-ass!

Ya!

Somebody buy something!

Come on!

Oh no, no, no, no.

Oh, come on.

Of course.

Why wouldn't you do that?

Thank you.

You motherf***er.

Don't.

- Stop that.

- Whoa! Jesus!

Hello?

Hello?

Don't.

I said don't.

You'll like the song.

You're getting water

on the floor.

Oh, sh*t.

Sorry.

Dry yourself off.

In the bathroom, Jerry.

And, Jerry,

put some clothes on.

Okay.

- Well?

- What?

Isn't it better now

that it's clean in here?

I guess.

You guess?

You're not sure?

It's better.

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