Crime and Punishment

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l don't recall requesting

the pleasure of your company.

-Rag?

-Brush.

You know, after van Gogh

chopped off his own ear...

...there was a rash of copycat

mutilations amongst his students.

Your point being?

My point being that

the whole world reveres the artists...

...envies their talent,

wants to be just like them.

That's what l'm doing. l'm hoping

some of your genius will rub off.

-You got kicked out of your house again.

-Not exactly.

lt's more like they're filming a Lifetime

Original Movie in my living room.

And which one of the Witter sisters...

...is in complete distress right now?

That would be numero uno.

Left the sergeant major

for conduct unbecoming...

...fled back to the home front and

brought along my screaming nieces.

So l finally get my own room and

you have been exiled to Sofa City.

-Ouch.

-My sentiments exactly.

So....

So, what do you think?

Oh, is it done?

Yes, it's done.

l thought that Principal Green had

commissioned you guys to do murals...

-...exemplifying school spirit and unity.

-He did.

Well, no offence,

but this looks like something...

...you'd find tattooed on

Kwai Chang Caine's forehead.

-You don't like it.

-l didn't say l don't like it.

l'm pretty sure the rest

of the murals...

...will probably be more

traditional, but--

Like football players and lighthouses?

And what do they say about

the high-school experience?

Jo, this is the U.S. of A.

When we have art in public places,

we want it to be as subtle as Godzilla.

Yeah, but don't you think

that art can have this power?

l mean, it can bring people together.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

ln museums,

the thinking man's pickup joint.

You know, that's what l like

about you, Pacey.

You just go so deep.

Thanks.

No peeking.

-What, l don't get a preview?

-No.

Why not? Pacey did.

Dawson, the unveiling is

a crucial part to any new work...

...and l want you to have

the complete experience.

-He didn't tell you what it is, did he?

-No.

He didn't, but he said it was great.

That means a lot, coming from

the most discriminating critic.

Hey, well, he knows what he likes.

Dawson, Pacey's prized possession is

a black velvet painting of baby Elvis.

So how's your speech coming?

l don't know why l have

to even say anything.

An artist is supposed to

let her work speak for itself.

But when PTAs and the school board

let you paint something in the hallway...

...they expect a

little pointless ceremony in return.

-So are you gonna be there?

-Of course.

-l mean, if you want me to.

-Yeah.

-l want you to.

-Okay.

And whatever you think,

be honest with me, you know.

-Even if you hate it.

-Even if l ha--?

What makes you think

l'm gonna hate it?

Nothing.

lt's just....

Stepping out from behind the curtain?

l can understand that.

lt can be terrifying.

Up there in the lights

in front of all those people.

-Being judged.

-lt's even more than that. l mean...

...l feel like l'm declaring

myself for the first time...

...what l really think about this place.

And with everyone staring at it...

...it's gonna be like they're all

looking right into my soul.

Give me a break. lt was a joke.

There's nothing funny

about cheating, Matt.

Principal Green, members

of the disciplinary committee...

...l admit it.

l didn't know

the answer on the quiz.

So l did what any self-respecting kid

would do in a cellular age, you know?

l whipped out my StarTAC,

l dialled home...

...and l asked my mom, '' How many

justices sit on the Supreme Court?''

You know, call me crazy.

You know, even Mr. Higgins laughed.

Okay. And you claim that your

mother didn't know the answer either.

Okay. So....

How do you explain your

perfect score on the quiz?

l guessed.

Okay. Well...

...then l guess my

recommendation would be...

...that you get a failing grade

on the work at question...

...and a three-hour detention.

-Why don't you just bust my kneecaps?

-That'll be enough, Mr. Caufield.

While your behaviour clearly violates

the letter of the honour code...

...l do not believe it is

in violation of the spirit.

Am l free to go, then?

Yes, you're free to go.

Mr. Caufield.

Let's let this be the last time

we see you before this committee.

Andie, would you wait for me

for a minute, please?

Sure.

Principal Green,

l'm really sorry about earlier.

-l overreacted to the--

-No, that's not what this is about.

-Andie, l have news.

-News?

l was contacted this morning

by the Educational Testing Service.

Andie, your phenomenal

PSAT results...

...have placed you among the top

50,000 scorers in the country.

You have taken one giant step toward

a National Merit Scholarship.

lsn't that fantastic?

Fantastic.

Andie, what's wrong?

You seem stunned.

No. No, no. lt's just....

Well, it's just--

Yeah, l'm a little stunned.

Congratulations.

No. No. No! Look!

Pacey, last time you were here...

...you left water rings

on my deco coffee table.

Mom and Dad just wanted me

to bring you something.

Yeah? What?

Me!

-Look, what are you doing?

-l'm moving in, bro.

-Wait. Excuse me?

-You heard me. l'm moving in.

Dad gave me a check to give to you.

lt's like a security deposit

in case l break your stereo.

You're not touching my stereo,

because you're not moving in with me.

Not now, not ever.

This is not Party of Five.

Come on. You can't make me

go back to that house.

Think about it. You got this whole

styling bachelor pad all to yourself...

...with the nice lighting

and the fancy window dressings...

...and all the trappings of the extremely

closeted homosexual male...

...and l don't even have a room

to myself anymore.

Since when?

Since Carrie decided to take

a leave of absence from Jerry.

You remember Jerry, our favourite

brother-in-law, with the tattoos?

She brought the no-neck monsters,

who are currently residing in my room.

So, what do you say, man?

Can l stay here, please?

Okay, look, if l agree to this...

...and it is a very big '' if'' ...

-...there will be rules.

-l am your willing pupil.

Rule number one:
We don't eat

anything that Mom sends over.

The woman thinks that iceberg

lettuce is haute cuisine.

-Agreed.

-Rule number two: the coaster.

-Live it, love it, use it at all times.

-Done.

You will keep the CD collection

alphabetical...

...by last name, not first.

Do you understand?

Oh, perfectly. But l don't foresee the

need to dip into your diva collection.

l think you would be surprised at how

a tortured, impassioned female voice...

...can soothe an achy-breaky heart.

My heart is just fine,

thank you.

Oh, sure it is, little brother. Sure it is.

lf you're referring to our conversation

the other night, chalk it up to rambling.

Well, there won't be any

of that on my watch.

And l won't have any moping around

like a lovesick puppy, either.

By the way, are you any

good at decoupage?

Oh, God help me.

-You're not taking pictures?

-Don't try and stop her, Joey.

When a little sister accomplishes

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