Crimes and Misdemeanors Page #9

OK, step aside. I'm taking over this film.

- What? You can't finish my film.

- I can't? Read your contract.

- You promised.

- Look, the idea was to show the real me.

I may not be perfect, but I don't promote

values that... Let me quote you exactly:

"That deaden the sensibilities

of a great democracy".

You're fired, Cliff!

You're out! Get outta here!

Go! Thank you! Goodbye!

If it bends, it's funny. If it breaks, it isn't.

Come on now. Don't get discouraged.

You have your own personal vision.

Why is he so upset? You'd think nobody

was ever compared to Mussolini before.

I had no idea you would cut the film like

this. I'd have told you they'd never use it.

They want an upbeat profile of Lester.

Now he's gonna re-cut it

and make himself into a saint.

Wendy's right. I'm probably jealous

of him. His limos, his money, his women.

You have your own style.

Hey, listen. Marry me. I'm serious.

That's the only thing that'll satisfy me.

I'm crazy about you. You're single.

My marriage won't last.

I gotta talk to you. Can we just...

Can we sit down here for a second?

I'm not joking. I'm really nuts about you.

I'm going away.

Yeah? Meaning what?

I've... I'm... I've got a chance

to produce a couple of shows in London

and I couldn't say no.

So how long are you going for?

Well, probably three or four months.

Three or four months?

Jesus, you're kidding.

What a discouraging thought.

But, you know,

I think it's a good thing, because I ne...

Well, it'll give me a little distance.

About 3,000 miles, to be exact.

- When are you leaving?

- I guess... ten days or so.

God, I'm...

God, I'm gonna miss you.

I don't know what to say. I just...

I'm not gonna see you

for three or four months?

I feel like I... you know,

like I've been handed a prison sentence.

Ben, your daughter

will make a beautiful bride.

This is Barbara,

the sister of my brother-in-law.

Congratulations.

I wish your daughter all the happiness.

Jesus. I'm so self-conscious.

Every single thing on me is rented.

I got a rented tux,

rented shoes, rented underwear.

You look terrific. Cliff, do me a favour.

This is your last occasion with my family.

Could we try to get along?

And this is Dr Rosenthal.

I'm Miriam.

- And this is Marion, and this is Peter.

- How do you do? A pleasure to meet you.

- Judah?

- Yes, Ben.

Judah, I'm so glad you could make it.

It means a lot.

What is the matter with you?

You seem so depressed.

Wendy and I finally decided

to call it quits.

Even though the last couple of years have

been terrible, it just makes me feel sad.

- I'll have a vodka and tonic.

- I'll have one, too.

But, you know, you told me

it's been platonic for a year.

And I say once the sex goes, it all goes.

It's true. Last time I was inside a woman

was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

Look at your father.

He's celebrating enough for two.

He and Ben will get high

and argue about belief and God.

My father takes after his Aunt May.

She rejected the Bible because she said

it had an unbelievable central character.

I walked in. I said "The Waldorf-Astoria.

The centrepieces." Did you see them?

- Beautiful.

- Everything matches. Lester paid for it.

Hard to believe

a brother would pay for a wedding.

Hard to believe, but that's the sort of thing

Lester is always doing. Isn't it?

He must be a good brother.

I'm gonna get one like that.

It's much better. This is very square.

- Hi, Cliff.

- Cliff. Hello.

Lester. How are you? Good to see you.

- My fiancee, Halley Reed.

- Congratulations. My wife Nancy.

- When'd you get back?

- Got back this morning.

- I've been trying to call you all day.

- I finally won her heart.

What a romantic story.

We ran into each other in London

and I sent her white roses

around the clock, all the time, for days.

For days. And then

I found out she was allergic.

- Hi, Lester.

- Hi. Good to see you.

So, I started pleading with her. I begged

her. I just... begged her day and night.

And I think it was the caviar that did it.

I tell you, I've envied this guy for years.

He'd show up with a beautiful woman

every time. But I envy you more now.

Thank you.

Standing here in the presence of God,

the guardian of our homes,

ready to enter into the bonds of wedlock,

answer each of you in reverence for God

and in the hearing of the assembly that

have gathered here so joyously with you.

- I know the perfect guy for you.

- Who?

- He's brilliant. He's attractive.

- There's a hitch. I'm waiting.

There's a hitch, but it sounds

worse than it is. He's in prison.

- Rita, I would say that's a drawback.

- Nothing terrible. Insider trading.

He made a fortune in the market.

And he'll be out soon.

Very soon. A couple of years.

You mean with good behaviour.

Cliff?

I wanted to talk to you.

What is there really to say?

You know, I'm just stunned still.

He's not what you think.

He's wonderful. He's...

He's warm and caring and...

- romantic...

- He's a success. That's what he is.

- He's rich and he's a success.

- Give me a little credit.

I always did give you

a little credit, until today.

We used to laugh at this guy. The silly

shows he puts on, the way he talks.

He's endearing.

This is my worst fear realised.

I wanted to give you this letter back.

- It's my one love letter.

- It's beautiful.

I'm just... the wrong person.

It's probably just as well.

I plagiarised most of it from James Joyce.

You probably wondered

why all the references to Dublin.

Look, I...

I hope we can always be friends.

Off by yourself, huh? You're like me.

I always get sad at these kind of events.

You look very deep in thought.

I was plotting the perfect murder.

Yeah? Movie plot?

Movie?

Ben... That's what Ben told me.

He says you make films.

Yeah, but not that kind... You know.

A different kind.

I have a great murder story.

- Yes?

- Great plot.

Yeah.

Hey, I've had too many to drink.

I mean, forgive me.

I know you want your privacy.

No, it's OK. You know.

I'm not doing anything special.

Except my murder story has

a very strange twist.

Yeah?

Let's say there's this man

who's very successful.

He has everything.

- Let me ask you something.

- What?

Am I a phoney?

- What?

- Am I a phoney?

- Are you a little high or something?

- No, I'm... I think he hates me.

- Who hates you?

- Your annoying husband.

Every time I'm with him, I get tense.

- It's just that he's angry.

- At what?

Are you kidding me? He's got these

fantasies about changing the world.

He makes these films

and they come to nothing.

Listen, honey. He's gotta grow up.

This is the real world. This is the big time.

They don't pay off on high aspirations.

You gotta deliver.

Not to mention... You're still young.

You're not gettin' the life that you deserve.

Lester, I met somebody.

That...

That is music to my ears.

And after the awful deed is done,

he finds that he's plagued

by deep-rooted guilt.

Little sparks of his religious background,

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