Critical Nexus Page #6

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duty in this world is to

turn on perverted uncles.

What the hell was that

supposed to mean?

Excuse me?

I heard what you said!

I'm not a pervert and

I'm not an uncle!

All I said is that the

dress was popular and that

your niece would love it.

And then you started yelling

at me and insulting me?

You're crazy.

Security!

(MUSIC)

(DOOR CHIME)

(MUSIC)

What have you picked up, Katie?

Someone else is in your

system. What the f***?

Why can't I?

That's not right.

Who the f*** are you?

Hey Kevin, we're

going for ice cream.

Do you want come with us?

Would everyone just

leave me alone?

This is very annoying.

(MUSIC)

Dude, Darren Nealy said he

got to third base with her.

Sh*t, she'll do it with him,

she'll do it with anybody.

Which is why she's done it with all of us,

right?

Dude, why are you always

defending her, man?

Why you always

sticking up for her?

Look. Remember when Romeo

here asked her to the dance,

at the, the Sadie Hawkins

dance?

- Magical.

- Remember that?

Remember that?

Dude. She doesn't

even like you, man.

Good morning loyal voyeurs.

Ooh, it's still dark out.

But I think someone

might be getting close,

so I have to go.

But I wanted to let you

know about last night.

I tried this thing

called the bathtub trick

that I read about on another

blog. Still nothing.

But it might work

for most people.

My trouble is my mind. I

just can't shut it off.

Always the blood is

just a moment away.

But you never know

when you're gonna

reach down into the floor

board and find his knife.

You never can tell if

that tearing sound

is you or your clothes.

You're being torn apart.

Literally stabbed.

So you do the only

thing you can do.

Do you trust

anything after that?

How do you know the next

one will stop if it hurts?

It's all too wild.

Anything can happen.

And what if you find his knife?

Will you kill him?

Will you kill yourself?

Think...

So long, Romeo.

In response

to recent comments,

I can't stay put.

Coming around the first

turn, "big" is in the lead.

Is "little" closing in?

(MUSIC)

You don't know

me. But I know you.

We need to meet and talk.

I figured out the

"little and the big".

But I need some help

understanding the

"critical nexus".

I've spent my whole life

talking people into things,

but now I get the feeling

that I've got to do

just the opposite.

I didn't feel like

getting all girled up.

So all I am is all I am.

And here's the problem,

I figured this

out this morning.

We have to lure you in.

And if we don't, we're

failures.

But once we do, you're

not what we need.

I wish the pieces of the

puzzle fit better.

Drunk Johnny, please.

Aw, come on man, you

know who this is.

Oh, didn't think so either,

man.

Well,

I knew you moved to KC a few years ago.

That, um, Cheryl girl you

were with back in a...

Oh, it didn't work out, eh?

Hey, listen, man, I'm on a

bit of a road trip

but I need a favor. Let

me get your address.

No, it's not like that, man.

Look, I'll tell you a weird

story when I get there.

Man, I haven't slept in like...

What?

I was just sort of

hoping that...

Listen, man,

can we talk about that in person?

The beauty for you two

is that we've already

laid down the ground work.

We've already designed

the site and we have

several months worth of

girls lined up and we have

a very diversified palette.

Every man wants something

different, right?

So we've got everything

from soft core to hard core

and everything in between.

Plus, we're talking multiple

revenue streams by the time

we get the dating

site in full gear.

I don't see how you're

going to get this around.

I don't know who's

gonna want to touch it.

Are you gonna put

up a billboard?

(LAUGHS)

We plan on a lot of

word of mouth traffic.

It's a brand new medium.

These sites get passed

around in chat rooms,

linked to on message boards.

The advertising should

take care of itself

once the word gets out.

But actually, my friend,

Brad, here is in charge

of that aspect

of the operation.

Bradley?

Yeah.

Absolutely.

You know,

I figured out the direct mailing pieces

to a targeted audience of

subscribers to Playboy,

Hustler, for starters.

You know,

I'm thinking something simple.

In effect, you see it big,

but you keep it simple.

Do you like to see drunk,

naked girls?

Check "yes" or "no".

If you mark "no",

you're probably a fag.

(LAUGHS)

But if you marked "yes",

come to dumbdrunkgirls.com.

(LAUGHS)

That is awesome, man.

Where they going?

(MUSIC)

- Hey

- Hey stranger.

- Um, bourbon, neat.

- Sure.

- Here you go.

- Thank you.

- Keep the tab open?

- You got it.

You're new here.

Welcome to the best

bar in Des Moines.

Is that where I am?

Mind if I join you?

Look, I'm probably not very

good company right now.

My name's Derrick. If you

wanna talk, you can.

If you don't want to,

we don't have to.

Patrick,

give me another Corona light.

So where you passing

through from?

- All over really.

- You don't look like a trucker.

- I'm not.

- Is that a magic bag?

- Huh?

- What's in the bag?

Nothing's in the bag.

I just haven't checked in yet.

Staying across the street?

Look, Derek,

you know I'm straight, right?

It's OK, hon, a lot of

guys come in here thinking

they're straight or

wanting everyone else

- to think they are.

- You're setting us back, man.

Doesn't matter what people

outside this bar think.

What happens in

here, stays in here.

Is this really necessary?

I see you're afraid of who you are,

but there's a reason

why you came into

the bar today.

Yeah, it's across the

street from my motel.

- And?

- And I'm from out of town

and didn't realize

this was a gay bar.

The name "Banana

Bar" is pretty ambiguous.

(LAUGH)

Score one for the pink team.

Look, I didn't see the name.

I just wanted to drink.

So,

I guess this conversation's gone about

as far as it was meant to go.

OK, cowboy.

You know you straight

types are always funny.

You come in here acting

like you don't know what it is

and then get all offended

when someone approaches you.

You want a good f***ing but

that prison in your mind

won't let you have it.

So now you're gonna

Jedi mind trick me

into taking it up the ass.

For f***'s sake, Derek,

don't bother him,

he's not interested.

You wish St. Patty.

He's fair game.

I bet he's just like the

guy I met at Barnes & Noble

a couple years ago. He

came in every Saturday

to meet me in the men's room.

I know who you are.

Well, Derrick, congratulations,

because I don't know

who I am. Have a nice

night, boys.

You're such an a**hole. Look,

you don't have to leave.

He does this to everyone.

See you next week, cowboy.

(MUSIC)

You know jumping into cars is dangerous,

don't you?

But don't worry

about that now, I'm a cop.

You don't look like a cop.

I'm off duty.

So why you hitchhiking anyway?

I thought it was a good

way to save money.

I'm on my way to the mall.

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