Cross Wars Page #5

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What's this thing do?

How does it work?

That's a great question.

Come closer. Watch this one thing.

Come here.

Does it feel good?

You won't feel a thing.

- It's pretty.

- So perfect.

It tingles.

Goodbye to the world, hello to the end.

Listen, we just got this new place...

and he's already inviting guests.

It won't be long before

we're looking for a new hideout.

I mean, what is the purpose

of having a hideout if we don't hide?

You know, you could always hide.

Somewhere where no one speaks.

That's real funny. All I'm saying is...

there's no good reason for him

to be bringing people to our hideout.

Hey, the bad guys got Riley.

It's a good enough reason.

Not good enough, Jack.

Pizzle-fire.

Now, if Callan says they're cool...

they're cool.

Plus, we need the manpower.

- Got it?

- I got it.

I don't care if they the marines.

I need my sleep.

Boys. Separate.

He grabbed me first.

Listen, we need to focus on

getting Riley back safely.

That's what we're doing, okay?

Regardless of all that, I'm just...

I'm just not ready for

any new teammates.

I have enough trouble

with the ones I have.

Like quiet riot here.

- You want to bang your head?

- That's not banging, it's slicing.

- I could help you feel the noise.

- I don't want to feel no noise.

I'm not a rock star.

Listen here, duck dynasty, I'm...

Hey!

Callan, what's going...

We was just talking about you, man.

The guac I said I was gonna make...

it's in the fridge, you know?

Go ahead and...

Oh, hey.

Oh, this is...

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Ladies, hey, how you doing?

Welcome. Make yourselves at home.

You guys look nice.

You know, maybe like the

housewives of Rambo...

but we can deal with that.

We can deal with that.

You guys may have heard of me.

I'm blackfire, resident explosives expert.

You know what I mean?

Y'all know what I mean?

Okay. All right.

Puke, these ladies look like

they need some water.

Can you get them a round?

Get a round right quick?

Your legs ain't broke.

Fridge is over there. And it's nuke.

- Not puke.

- Oh, okay.

Fizzle-fire,

when's your cousin getting back?

Oh, he's spending some time

with our aunt. You know.

I was just trying to...

Ladies.

I heard you had a rough night.

Lost a soldier.

- I heard you had a rough morning.

- Yeah.

We're going back out tonight.

Exact a little payback.

You all up for it?

We're always in.

That's good to hear.

All right.

I see you met pizzle-fire here.

Riot.

Make yourselves at home.

And don't listen to a word he says.

- Thanks for having us.

- Yeah, thank you.

- What happened?

- They caught us off guard, that's what.

Yeah, they had these two giants

covered in armor from head to toe.

Bullets didn't faze them, not at all.

It's like they weren't human.

Oh, they're human.

I'll prove it.

Her shield couldn't hold up to

one of them and he took off with her.

I mean, for giants,

they move really quick.

She didn't have a chance

to freeze motion.

- She really can do that?

- Of course she can.

Man, I gotta see that, because I like...

We... we got him.

We got... we... we got him!

Gunnar?

I'm sure of it. I knew I would find you!

- Okay.

- We need a plan.

We have one.

We kill Gunnar, we get her back,

and put a muzzle on him.

What?

I like that plan.

How's that gadget?

I think it works.

What do you mean "you think"?

Just test it, nuke.

I can't test it.

It only works once.

So make it count.

Once it's activated, that's it.

Just how I like it. No bloodstains.

Just suck the life out of the earth

and send it off into the abyss.

No sounds, no soul.

Not even a light.

You certainly do like to settle the score.

A little friend of mine,

he never left a score unsettled.

Neither do I.

There's been a lot of mass killers

in history.

But you are the greatest one.

I'm not a mass killer. I'm a cleanser.

There won't be anyone to notice.

Finally the end.

I'll get the front row seat.

Welcome, gents.

Welcome, young lady.

Hey-

that's no way to hold a lady.

Now put her down gently.

Yeah, right. This ain't no lady.

Now...

let me introduce myself.

My name's Gunnar.

I'm the last person

you're ever gonna meet.

Yeah. Let's hope not.

I'd hate to have such a terrible finish.

Quite feisty. Fighter?

I'll keep hold of this for a bit.

Just until your little boyfriend Callan

gets here.

Yeah, that's right.

You see, I know everything...

because I've been around

a long, long time.

When he gets here,

I'm gonna kill him...

l'm gonna kill you,

and you can be together forever.

Now I've got your attention.

How does this thing work, anyhow?

It's gonna kill Callan.

How does it do it?

That's a good question.

It's powered by the amulet,

which is powered by Riley.

So, coincidentally,

Riley will end up killing Callan.

Not bad.

Oh, you're a monster!

Callan will stop you.

That's it. You get mad,

because I hear the madder you get...

the more you power up the amulet.

And we need power.

How will Callan find us?

Oh, we left him a little calling card.

Yeah. We shut down the valley.

He'll find us.

All right, listen up, everybody.

This is obviously a trap.

We're all gonna be walking in...

but I ain't sure

if we're walking out.

Yeah. It's just like

a '70s Batman show, right?

The joker sets a trap,

and he walks right into it.

I always thought...

He's supposed to be the

world's smartest detective.

- I never really got that, right?

- Pizzle-fire.

- Are you done?

- Yeah. I just wanted to get that out.

You know, this is personal.

I believe Gunnar wants to watch us die.

Well, regardless of whatever

his final motivations are...

he wants revenge first.

Wish him luck.

I wish him dead.

Sounds nasty.

You don't know him like we do.

He has Riley.

And there is only one way

we're getting her back.

Walk right into a trap.

Exactly.

- I like his style.

- I don't like a damn thing about him.

Not a damn thing.

Don't mistake style for overconfidence.

I mean... okay.

All right, listen up.

Once we get inside,

we're gonna split up...

then we're gonna find these bastards

and waste them, plain and simple.

It sounds like a good plan.

We'll clear the way, and hopefully

Callan will get his girl back.

Why are we worried about

Callan getting his girl?

We're up here risking our lives for him?

How about we get the girl?

There's only one girl so we all know...

who'll get the girl: Blackfire.

A nice, fine girl.

Thick at the top and at the bottom.

I'm tired of this. I'm about to

take my butt back to Maryland.

"Where's blackfire at?" Y'all gonna...

- Dude, chill.

- No. Y'all need to chill.

Pizzle-fire.

If you can't keep your mouth closed...

l got something

to stick in your ball washer.

Ball washer?

Why you always have to

say something so nasty?

Ball washer? What is a ball washer?

You always wanna

stick something in something.

That's why he always

keep them gloves on.

Don't touch me.

Will you let him touch you

with his stinky fingers?

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