Daddy Long Legs Page #4

A person is- is, uh,

flesh and- and blood and-

and feelings!

On slide three,

I don't like the word "coach."

Pendleton Airways is selling something

better than coach travel.

We must find a new phrase.

Yes, Griggs.

- Jervis, a person is not a corporation.

- Really?

Uh, "Cabin Clipper"just occurred to me.

How does that strike you?

A person is flesh and blood and feelings

and has to be treated as such.

- I'll vote for that. Where do I register?

- Your treatment of her...

- has been absolutely shameful.

- She's a monster.

Sometimes I think my poor brother gave up

the ghost just to get away from her.

Not your sister-in-law.

I am referring to Miss Julie Andre.

- Miss Julie Andre?

- Oh, I'm not in the least surprised!

- Yes, sir?

- Miss Pritchard, bring in that file.

- Which file, Mr. Griggs?

- The one you've been crying into.

Crying in the file?

Not only does it sound inefficient...

it sounds like a tune

on the hit parade.

Say, what's going on

around here?

Nothing is going on around here,

and it's all your fault!

Over two years ago,

you impulsively, capriciously...

against the better judgment

of the American ambassador and myself...

picked a young girl

out of a French orphanage...

and deposited her

in Walston College.

- Oh, thatJulie Andre.

- Yes, thatJulie Andre!

She's been kicked out!

Griggs, how could you let this happen...

- after all we do for that college?

- She has not been kicked out.

She stands 12th

in her class.

She's a lovely, sensitive, marvelous girl,

one that any parent should be proud of.

And yet, no one pays

the slightest bit of attention to her.

- Thank you, Miss Pritchard.

- Thank you, Mr. Griggs.

For a moment I was afraid

there was a baby in it.

- What kind of a performance was that?

- For more than two years...

that poor girl has been pouring her heart out

to you in those letters.

And you haven't

answered one of them.

You haven't even

bothered to read one!

Now, wait a minute.

That was the arrangement.

l-lt had to be done anonymously,

remember? Alec insisted upon that.

At least you could've asked about her.

Shown some compassion, some humanity.

Hmm. Oh, I see.

I see.

You're in love with her.

Y- No, Jervis, it's

much worse than that.

- She's in love with you.

- Y-What?

Although you don't know it, you've been

a thoughtful and considerate guardian.

She spent the last two summers

on your farm in Nova Scotia.

Although she thinks

Linda's responsible for that.

- Linda?

- Your niece.

Gertrude's daughter. The one

you haven't seen since she was born.

- Oh, yes. Horrible looking baby.

- Well, she's no longer...

a horrible looking baby,

and she's Julie's roommate.

- Who put them together?

- You did.

It was the only way you could arrange for Miss

Andre's summer vacations without causing talk.

And last Christmas,

you sent her a nice present.

- I did? What?

- Three pairs of... silk pajamas.

- Griggs-

- All right. Miss Pritchard selected them.

All in all, Miss Andre

has a lot to thank you for...

and she's very

devoted to you.

She calls you her

"Dear Daddy Longlegs."

Y-

"Dear Daddy What-legs?"

Well, it has something to do with

your shadow crawling on the wall...

- or a spider, uh, uh-

- Oh.

- Jervis, I think you'd better read these letters.

- I think I better read 'em too.

"Dear Daddy Longlegs."

Hmm.

Hmm, she's a prolific

little thing, isn't she?

Uh, Griggs, uh, w-will you

tell Miss Pritchard...

to hold all my calls

until she hears from me?

Dear Daddy Longlegs,

you never answered my questions...

and they were

very important.

Are you very bald?

Orjust a little bald?

Are you very old?

Orjust a little old?

Oh, well, on second thought,

please don't answer.

Not that you will.

It is just as much fun...

not knowing

anything about you.

It leaves me free to imagine

whatever I want.

You could be anything.

Sometimes I think

that you are...

a Texas millionaire.

That's what you are.

And you are so rich...

that there is a special department

in the United States Treasury...

which works only on

your income tax report.

Down in Texas

where the stars are bright

Down in Texas where they treat you right

Everybody sings

this little song

Daddy, Daddy

why's your legs so long

Love your figure

'cause it's so corn-fed

Love that hair

upon your pumpkin head

- Though you're richer than Vanderbilt

- Yoo-hoo!

Daddy, Daddy

where'd you get them stilts

Now, chicken in the bread pan

pickin'up dough

Stick out your hen

and pick out your rooster

First prize is a block of stocks

Second prize is Fort Knox

Let me introduce

that dancing fool

Long-leg Tex

with the big, fat wallet

Wait'll he starts

to walk the dog

He'll bug out your eyes

like a stomped-on frog

Alouette left

and Alouette right

Parlez-vous

and "FrreJacques"

Both feet up

Make a hole in the ground

Hands up high

and the gents go under

Grab your gal

and swing her like thunder

Kiss her once andjump forjoy

Kiss her twice-

Well, maybe not.

You're probably

an international playboy.

No, no, no, no, no.!

l- I don't like you like this.

I prefer

to think of you...

as my guardian angel.

Oh, it's very confusing.

I wish I knew

who you really are.

I wish- I wish one day

you would write and tell me.

Your lonesome... Julie.

Will you get my sister-in-law

on the phone, please?

- Who, sir?

- My sister-in-law, Gertrude Pendleton.

Oh.

Hello.

Hello, Gertrude.

Tell me. How's Linda?

Who is this?

Jervis?

I don't believe it.

You've been drinking.

No, no. Not a drop. l- I merely called up

to find out about my niece.

Uh, tell me.

How is she enjoying college?

Jervis, this is very peculiar.

Linda is 20 years old, and you haven't

seen her for more than 19 and a half.

Oh, you're so right.

You're so right, Gertrude.

l- I've been the worst

of all possible uncles. I'm sorry.

Uh, say. How about you and me

driving up to see her?

But this is insane. All I wanted you to do

is writeJulie a letter.

Will you keep quiet?

No, no, no. Not you, Gertrude.

l- l-There's a mechanical device

here that produces strange noises.

Uh, w-

Uh, spring dance? Saturday?

Oh. Sounds charming.

Fine. Uh, we'll

drive up together.

Wonderful. Wonderful.

See you then. Good-bye.

But you can't do this. You can't go to

the school and reveal yourself to that girl.

It's violating your-

your promise to Alec.

Griggs, how you do carry on.

I have no intention of revealing myself.

I'm simply going up there

to visit my niece.

And while I'm there,

I'll get a look at my orphan.

But-

Mrs. Gertrude Pendleton on the phone.

Put her on.

Yes, Gertie.

Why, of course it was me

you were talking to a moment ago.

Who else? Who else

but Linda's UncleJervis?

Oh, Jervis, please remember

that you're with me and don't leer.

I wasn't leering.

I was just looking around.

I hope you'll remember,

they are very young.

Time cannot wither nor custom stale

your infinite charm, Gertrude.

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