Dao shi xia shan

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The master told me, He Anxia,

to fight my fellow monks.

(GRUNTING)

NARRATOR:
Dad came of age in hard times.

The temple couldn't feed all its monks.

A fight would decide who could stay.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(LAUGHING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(GROANS)

(LAUGHS)

Master, I won!

NARRATOR:
Dad thought he'd won

the right to stay.

Wrong!

You won.

(LAUGHS)

You have talent.

Pack up.

You can fend for yourself.

Huh?

(ALL LAUGHING)

If you don't leave,

you'll never discover the road home.

It's another world out there.

You'll meet saints and sinners.

Be polite and work hard.

Practice your kung fu.

Don't let trouble scare you.

I won't.

Remember this.

Some will do anything to succeed.

But a hero stays true to himself.

Got it.

(cow MOOING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- (BRAKES SCREECHING)

- (HORN HONKING)

(CROWD EXCLAIMS)

(HORNS HONKING)

(CROWD EXCLAIMS)

(CHEERING)

(CROWD EXCLAIMS)

(LAUGHS)

Here, for you!

What for?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

MAN:
Pig's head meat!

Have a taste!

Pig's head meat!

Have a taste!

(STOMACH GROWLING)

MAN:
One more, please.

CHEF:
Here you go.

For you.

(COINS RATTLE)

Hey, stop!

Are you talking to me?

I want that chicken.

Huh?

You should've asked.

I'd have got you one.

This one's spoken for.

Give it to me.

No.

Lend it, then.

No.

Hey!

You little thief!

You little thief!

Stop running!

Stop right there!

(CAR HORN HONKING)

(BICYCLE BELL RINGING)

Stop!

I'll get you.

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMING)

Help!

I blame myself.

Why didn't I just give it to you?

Thank you for saving me.

HE ANXIA:
You're welcome!

- What's your surname?

- Don't have one.

The abbot named me "He Anxia."

My fault for stealing. We're even.

Why'd you become a monk?

Ask my folks.

Why dump a baby at a temple?

(COUGHS)

That abbot,

he saved my life!

Your folks must've been in trouble.

HE ANXIA:
Hmm?

I don't hate them.

They're the only parents I have.

But I'd like to know my birthday.

Everyone else has one!

Then today's your birthday.

First night out and eating like a king.

Isn't that like a birthday?

Uncle, thanks for the chicken!

Where will you sleep?

(CHUCKLES) Wherever I can!

I don't even know your name.

I'm Mr. Tsui.

Oh.

Want enough to eat every day?

Sure!

Do you have any debts?

(LAUGHS) Never even had any money!

Any unkept promises?

I promised to feed myself.

Not quite there yet.

Are you really an orphan?

Want me to call you "Dad"?

Dad!

Call me "boss."

DAO NING PHARMACY

TSUI:
This way.

Come.

- What is this place?

- A pharmacy.

The shop in front, home in back.

It's my inheritance.

You're an herbalist?

I am a doctor.

Of Western medicine.

And a surgeon.

My wife.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Coming, coming.

You're back.

Who saw you home?

Daorong.

So my brother went to the opera, too.

You didn't want to go.

You didn't want me to go.

How was it?

Great.

Where's that chicken? I'm starving.

Oh, sorry.

I...

YUZHEN:
Forgot?

I ate it.

Who is this?

TSUI:
Ah.

A monk who left the temple.

I brought him home.

You could've asked me first.

It just happened.

Anyway, I'm so busy.

I could use a helper.

As you wish.

(GIGGLES)

How many of these can you eat?

(SNICKERS)

Okay.

Slow down. There's congee, too.

Here.

Thanks!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

MAN:
Get up.

TSUI:
Anxia.

HE ANXIA:
Coming.

Cut it out.

I wasn't curing the blind.

Just giving her an eyelid fold.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Am I pretty?

Very.

Beauty really is skin deep.

Jerk.

MAN:
Dr. Tsui. We're here.

- (CRYING)

- Don't cry.

Just a quick snip.

Don't cry.

Good boy.

(CONTINUES CRYING)

Anxia, distract him.

- (ALL GASP)

- (STOPS CRYING)

(LAUGHS)

(HE ANXIA VOCALIZING)

(HISSES)

(BOY CRIES)

Master,

that scalpel of yours

sure cuts open those wallets!

(LAUGHS)

You helped, too.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Teach me your skills.

I'll be like a son to you both.

Okay.

Half the money goes into a satchel.

We'll go see my brother.

Okay.

(CROWING)

Wow, Dr. Tsui himself.

I do home delivery, you know.

I hate putting you out like this.

I wanted to see how you are.

That's it?

Count it.

If you're not buying, why the cash?

You think I'm a charity case?

(CHICKEN CLUCKING)

It's a foreign game.

Give it a try.

I don't know how.

Oh, come on.

- (LAUGHS)

- Daorong, show me some respect.

Come to play big brother, then?

Fine. I'll take it.

Here's your aphrodisiac.

We're square.

(SIGHS) Why talk to me like that?

We're brothers.

What's mine is yours.

Work harder, you'll do well.

Why be a slave to work?

No point to life if you can't have fun.

By the way,

business is bad, so I sold the shop.

You what?

For a gem once owned by an emperor.

Now I feel like an emperor myself.

Our ancestral home?

Without asking me?

You gave up monkhood for a woman.

Who'd you ask?

Hey, hold on.

My darts.

Master.

Master, are you okay?

Maybe Daorong is right.

Hard work gets you nowhere.

I'll tell you a secret.

I was once like you.

A monk in a mountain temple.

I was seeking immortality,

but all I thought about was sex.

Nature was all birds and bees to me.

It made me crazy.

Without her,

what was the point of immortality?

"Alone amidst falling petals,

"swallows flying two by two."

I would trade 1,000 years of life

for one night of joy.

(SNICKERS)

What's so funny?

What do you know about sex?

It's like leaping off a cliff.

(LAUGHS)

True.

(CONTINUES LAUGHING)

I'll teach you Meridian kung fu.

The abbot says

it cures desire.

Forget it.

I'll stick with desire.

Master, how should I live my life?

TSUI:
No one can tell you that.

- (YUZHEN MOANING)

- (BELLS JINGLING)

(MOANING CONTINUES)

(BELLS JINGLING)

- (BELLS JINGLING)

- (GRUNTING)

I need another plaster.

- (REMOVES PLASTER)

- (BREATHING HEAVILY)

You're horny as a toad.

You never get enough.

Of you.

(PLASTER RIPS)

Daorong's aphrodisiacs don't do much.

I buy them as a form of charity.

You are brothers, after all.

I've always supported him.

And still, he sells the shop for a ring.

This time,

he could end up on the street,

but he won't get another cent.

Back to bed.

You'll kill yourself.

Come here.

I have enough money

for several lifetimes.

(DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE)

(MAN WHISTLING IN DISTANCE)

- (YUZHEN MOANING)

- (BELLS JINGLING)

(GIGGLING)

Master, where is Madam? Lunch is ready.

Buying flowers, I think.

Oh, and go get me more aphrodisiac.

Madam.

- (YUZHEN MOANING)

- (BELLS JINGLING)

- (MOANING CONTINUES)

- (BELLS JINGLING)

Got the plasters?

Uncle Daorong wasn't there.

Oh.

I know where you went.

If the master knew what you

were doing with his brother,

it'd break his heart.

My love life

is my own business.

I've got nothing left.

The debt collectors took it all.

Now I just want a noose.

But I can't even

afford the rope.

(SOBBING)

Your brother has money.

I'll get him to lend you some.

How much does he have?

So my brother says

the plasters aren't working?

Have him try this pill.

TSUI:
(WHISPERING) Yuzhen.

You need money?

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