Daria: Is It College Yet? Page #9

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Well, that is certainly an amusing coincidence, because tonight I was going to

announce my sabbatical from the Fashion Club. Yes, I find that your precious

club no longer serves my needs as a multi-faceted young woman of today. It's

just too confining.

Gosh! Does this mean there isn't any more Fashion Club?

I guess it's time to move on.

It's like the end of an era.

I'm gonna miss it.

Me, too.

You want to come over tomorrow and discuss what we'll do with all our new free time?

That's a great idea, Sandi!

I'll bring some magazines to look at.

I can't wait to brainstorm.

Then it's a date.

He said he looked up to you?

Isn't that weird? Flattering, but weird.

Well, I kind of take what you say seriously.

That's why, after your constant haranguing and brow-beating, I went ahead and

sent my portfolio to BFAC... and got in.

Jane Lane! What did you say?

You. Me. College. Same town. Be ready to have your ass dragged to more parties.

I knew you could do it. I knew it!

Why the hell didn't you tell me?

I just found out today. Besides, you know what a drama queen I am. So, what do

you say? Make a pledge right now to go up there and get separate boyfriends?

Thanks for talking me into applying.

Thanks for helping me get through high school.

Me at BFAC, you at Raft. You think it's true that things happen for a reason?

Naah!

... for today we leave the days of our youth behind and begin our journey into

adulthood. Many years from now, I'm sure we will look back on our days at

Lawndale High with a great fondness, for what once was, and will never be again.

That last part sounded good.

Thank you.

Thank you, Jodie Landon, valedictorian of the graduating class of Laaawndale

High. And remember, parents, your child doesn't have to be a current student for

us to accept your generous donations. And now, people, and now... and now,

awards time! We'll do the sports and other good prizes after I get these

academic jobbies is out of the way. Now, as you know, at Lawndale High we prefer

to reward students for both their scholarship and contribution to student life.

But, occasionally, a student does so well in one area that we are forced to

recognize him or her despite crippling deficiencies in the other. And so, I give

you the winner of this year's Lawndale High School Diane Fossey Award for

dazzling academic achievement in the face of near-total misanthropy...

Ms. Daria Morgendorffer!

Bravo, bravo!

Very good, Daria! You go, girlfriend!

Brav... oh!

All right, Timothy! This is it! You've gone this far; you can't turn back now!

Anthony! Where are you going?

Sorry, but that right hook is a killer!

Now, Janet, I know you're disappointed...

No, I'm not! I'm intrigued...

...but as the poet said, time will heal thy wounded heart in... you're what?

Intrigued by this alluring new backbone of yours. Where have you been hiding

that erogenous chutzpah all these years, you big lug?

Oh, well, I...

Um... thank you. I'm not much for public speaking, or much for speaking, or,

come to think of it, much for the public. And I'm not very good at lying. So let

me just say that, in my experience, high school sucks. If I had to do it all

over again, I'd have started advanced placement classes in preschool so I could

go from eighth grade straight to college.

However, given the unalterable fact that high school sucks, I'd like to add that

if you're lucky enough to have a good friend and a family that cares, it doesn't

have to suck quite as much.

Otherwise, my advice is: stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless

logic and experience prove you wrong; remember, when the emperor looks naked,

the emperor is naked; the truth and a lie are not "sort of the same thing"; and

there's no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza.

Thank you.

So, dazzling academic achievement, eh? What a sellout.

I know. And then I had the perfect opportunity to beat Ms. Li senseless with my

trophy, and what do I do? Give a heart-warming speech.

You're getting soft around the edges, Morgendorffer.

Maybe, or maybe you've got glaucoma.

To college! I can't wait! What do you think we'll find when we get there?

Hmm. That the students are shockingly ignorant, the professors self-centered and

corrupt, and the entire system geared soley to the pursuit of funding?

Hmmm, yes. You know that thing I said about you getting soft?

Yeah?

I take it back.

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