Daria: Is It Fall Yet? Page #2

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Bermuda, but don't expect me to take part in any family luaus.

But isn't it Hawaii where they do luaus?

Gee, Quinn, that's exactly what my mother said. Maybe you should go with them.

What are you doing this summer, Quinn?

Oh, nothing special. See some movies, catch up on my dating... get a tutor.

A tutor?

Oh, Quinn, I'm so sorry.

Really...

I know. It's terrible. But my mother's making me. Um, you guys will keep it to

yourselves, won't you?

Of course.

You can trust us.

You have our word...

You guys are the best!

I think we should talk.

Okay. We are now talking.

About the Tom thing.

That I don't want to talk about.

If you're still upset about it, we should deal with it now. Especially since we

won't be seeing each other all summer.

You don't get it, do you? I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think

about it. I told you, I'm not mad at you about Tom. Now let it freaking go, okay?

Can I at least take you out for a good-luck pizza before you leave for your big

art adventure?

Daria, I said let it go.

Jake, put the paper down. That boy Daria's been dating is on his way over.

You mean Quinn's been dating.

No, Daria.

Oh! Good one, honey. Old Jake Morgendorffer sure appreciates a funny joke.

Jake, will you listen to me, please? Daria's been out with this Tom several

times and we're finally going to meet him, and I want to make sure we have our

game plan together.

Wait, I remember now. The guy without any vocal cords.

I want you to stay cool and relaxed and not embarrass her by getting all nervous

and crazy.

Daria said he communicates by blinking. Now was it one blink for yes or one

blink for no?

Jake, she was joking!

I know! Ha-ha-ha-ha... ! Now, what's the game plan?

The game plan is, you don't say a word.

So he won't feel self-conscious about the vocal cords, right?

Oh... !

Hello! You must be Tom.

I...

I'm Helen Morgendorffer.

Glad to...

Won't you come in?

I'd...

Great!

We've heard so much about you, Tom.

Really?

Um, well, actually...

Hey there, young man! Jake Morgendorffer.

Hi, I'm Tom Sloane.

Sloane? Not the same Sloane as in Grace, Sloane and Page?

Well, that's my dad, so I guess...

Grace, Sloane and Page?! Hey, sign me up for a little of that insider trading.

Little joke, of course. Class firm like your father's would never, uh,

mmm... Say, you know, my vocal cords hurt. I'd better go gargle.

Sorry about that. They've been acting a little strange ever since, oh, I can remember.

Pizza?

Okay.

What's this?

My new car. Well, my grandmother's old one.

Did you want this car?

Well, yeah, after my parents had my old one towed away in the middle of the night.

Note to self:
leave Quinn out on curb tonight.

Oh, hi, Daria!

Um, hello.

Hey, Daria, I didn't know you had a brother.

What?

Jane's going out with your brother? Wow!

What?

You're Tom, right? Jane's boyfriend?

Well, I'm Tom, but...

How long have you and Daria been brothers? I mean, how long has Daria been your

brother? Wait a minute, uh...

Actually...

Um, listen, it's been great talking and all, but we've got to get back to the

Rent-a-Brother shop before they charge us for an extra day. Bye.

You know what, babe? I don't think he's her brother at all.

What's the matter?

I can't do this. I can't spend the evening in there explaining to people that

no, you're not my brother, and no, you're not Jane's boyfriend, you're actually

my, uh...

Yes?

Guy I'm dating.

Okay. I understand. I know, let's bag the pizza place and go to my parents' club.

You're not much for crafty strategizing, are you?

Nobody knows you there. Besides, they charge my folks for meals whether they eat

them or not, so we might as well get their money's worth.

Tom, as much as I'd like to help your family in their time of need...

Do they have cheddar fries?

Think you'll come visit me while I'm working in my father's office this month?

You can help me file earnings reports.

Oh, sure, that old line. Boy, you can really smell the mold on the old money in

here, can't you?

Better on the money than on the food. Uh-oh...

Someone pull out a new twenty?

Mom, Dad... Elsie.

Daria, this is my mother and father and my sister, Elsie.

Hi Daria.

Nice to meet you.

Hi.

I just spoke with Aunt Mildred. She's made a lot of improvements on the house.

She had the screen door fixed.

We always spend August at the cove with my great Aunt Mildred. It's kind of a tradition.

In other words, we don't have a choice.

Elsie!

How about you, Daria? I'll bet you have something fun planned for the summer.

Um...

Actually, Daria's just going to relax. She's earned it -- she made high honor

roll all three trimesters.

Fielding doesn't have trimesters.

I go to Lawndale High.

Oh. Well, high honor roll is an achievement at any school.

Actually, at ours it just means you managed to stay out of prison all year.

Sorry about the family onslaught.

No big deal. Your parents had to find out you were dating me sometime.

Does that bother you? That I hadn't told them about you?

No.

Daria, I never tell them about anyone I'm dating.

Now I really feel special.

Well, you should. Because I like you.

Thanks. Um, I'd better be going.

Hold on. I want to ask you... do you, you know... feel the same way about me?

Uh, yeah. Sure. Bye.

Hi, I'm David Sorenson. Are you Quinn?

I don't know. Is this the ninth circle of Hell?

The Divine Comedy.

Wait a minute, you know that? All right. Who are you and what do you want with

my sister?

I'm here to tutor her.

Seriously.

Quinn, your tutor's here! David, hi. Helen Morgendorffer. Don't mind Daria.

Unemployment does strange things to one's mind.

Eric tells me you've worked wonders with his niece.

Jasmine's been doing very well. Of course, it makes my job easier to have the

support of involved parents.

Yes. Quinn!

I see here that you took European History last year. I guess there's no need

repeating that.

Oh, yeah. Napoleon, Waterworld, the A La Carta.

Hmm... "revisit European history." Moving on to literature. I want you to check

off all the books you've read. No point in assigning Ethan Frome or Silas Marner again.

What did they write?

Uh... okay. How's this for an idea? You tell me which are your best subjects.

Well, let's see... I have an unerring color sense.

I got a postcard from your mother. Boy, do I envy her in Death Valley.

Can you believe there are some people who wouldn't want to go there in July?

I know... here we are.

I'm not saying Fauvism didn't have its place, but now it just looks like so much

black-velvet junk at the swap-meet.

That's not fair. You can't evaluate the work outside the context of its time.

You can if it's good.

Everyone, I'd like you to meet your new housemate, Jane. Jane... Caroline, Jett,

Anais, and Paris.

Hey.

Enjoy. I'll see you later.

Thanks.

Nice haircut.

Thanks, I...

Anyway, color is not something you just fling around like a dog marking its territory.

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