De frigjorte Page #4

- That's all right.

Viggo!

Hi. How are you?

- Great. I'm really busy.

Are you working?

- No.

Me neither. But I'm not taking

whatever comes along.

I've heard that the factory

has started up again.

You're kidding.

- Somebody heard the machines.

But we'll hear about it

if there is any news.

When they closed the place,

I took this home.

It must have been the shock.

I brought it to the allotment garden.

You should have heard them:

"How funny, Iversen. "

And:
"Iversen, can I buy one?".

Then I started cooking up

a great idea.

Can you use the workshop?

Didn't you always say

that it's our workshop?

Otherwise the machines will rust.

So I think

I'm doing them a favour.

Can you sell them?

- Sell them?

They tear them out of my hand.

Look. It's Iversen's prototype.

It's got a bit more flare.

It fit wells in the hand.

As the nun said to the sailor.

It just needs a little gift box...

...and then 100 bucks

right into my pocket.

Then you're not on the dole?

Was it a family of priests

you were descended from?

What do you call it?

- The prick.

The prick?

- Yes. Isn't that funny?

Can't you see it?

Yes, if the wife says:

"Where's the prick?"

Where the hell is my bottle opener?

- I have one here.

- It does matter!

- It doesn't matter!

It does matter!

- Take it easy, now.

The bill, please.

- 18 kroner.

How stupid can you get?

Do you need help doing the dishes?

- May I have the pleasure of paying?

I can't accept that.

I'll pay you back.

Certainly not. One more, please.

Maybe the lady would like one?

The lady is called Karen.

Yes, please, that's very nice of you.

Sure. I'm Viggo.

- Karen.

That was a funny bottle opener.

Can I see it again?

Yes.

Yes, it's very chic.

Did you make it yourself?

- Yes. No, it's a colleague.

He'll try to make a production

and sell them.

I'm sure he'll sell it.

It's a fun idea for a gift, isn't it?

He'll put it in a small box.

He calls it the prick.

The prick.

That can cause

some funny misunderstandings.

When the wife says to her husband:

"Where is the prick?"

Yes, I see that.

Or if a guest grabs a beer

and says "Where is the prick?", -

and the hostess points at her

husband and says: "He's there. "

Do you like it?

- Yes.

Do you want it?

You're a Capricorn.

No, I'm a machinist. I'm unskilled,

but I've taken some courses...

No, what sign you were born under.

- Pisces.

Pisces? Of course.

Yes, I can tell now. Viggo?

Unemployed... machines...

...a checked shirt...

Pisces... I know what you are.

You're... authentic.

You want to know about me now.

- Yes.

Well, I've been a singer,

and then I got married. A rich man.

No children. Divorced.

That's the whole story.

Sing to me.

- No.

Yes. Sing to me.

- Then go sit over there.

Imagine a big band.

A wonderful evening.

Lots of people in high spirits.

Lots of success

and whatever it takes

lots of big spotlights

privacy and music

from job to job

concerts non-stop

ice-cold dressing rooms

autographs and stage fright

but at night

when the lights go out

and all is quiet

you're alone

oh so alone

because tonight

when the lights go out

and all is quiet

you're alone

oh so alone

yes tonight

when the lights go out

and all is quiet

you're alone

oh so alone

Cheers.

Cheers.

Would you like a quick one?

They'll all come running now. In

a month the whole yard is a garden.

Eat while the fish fillets are hot.

I've heated the liver paste. Eat now.

Yes, and if you need to open a beer,

pull out the prick.

The prick?

- Yes.

My old colleague Iversen

makes a living on bottle openers.

He puts all of our skills

into a product called "the prick".

Why didn't you invite him?

- Your mum thinks he's tiresome.

I just wanted to gather the family.

- Cheers, then.

Cheers and thanks for inviting me.

- Have a seat.

Would you like a glass of aquavit?

- Just one.

Did you bring

all of your old love letters?

No. It's something

I've sent in to the papers.

But my contributions

were returned.

Are you a journalist?

- A journalist? No, I'm unemployed.

That's what I've written about.

But they don't want to read it.

If you'd like to, you're welcome.

Aquavit?

- Just one.

Let's see.

- It's not a library.

"I've been an unemployed

carpenter for five years... "

Unemployed that long?

- No, it's six. It's a year old.

Nobody wants to hear

about the unemployed.

We're invisible.

300,000 invisible people. Cheers.

Cheers.

- Cheers.

Cheers, and eat now.

- Thanks.

Why don't you do something?

- It's a personal defeat.

Nobody runs around

showing their defeat, do they?

More aquavit?

- Just one.

Do you remember the carpenter

at number eight on Enghavevej?

With the woman who limped.

He'd been unemployed for 12 years.

They lived in number ten, and he was

with the tall holier-than-thou woman.

No. She was with the man

from the railways in number 14.

Next to the pro-German guy.

- The Nazi lived on the ground floor.

His son has that big store

with domestic appliances.

It doesn't matter.

He was unemployed for 16 years.

They lived in number 16!

Next to Bent and Inger.

No, Villy and Inger!

- Where's the prick?

He's right there.

Why did you become a carpenter?

I'll tell you. I've always loved

the smell of wood and linseed oil.

Prick?

Yes, that's it. Prick.

An unemployed prick.

I'll tell you what he did.

He made a big broadsword.

You haven't held

a hammer for years.

You'll never work again.

A big one. Two-handed.

When it was done, he took his knife -

and carved some letters

down the middle.

And then he painted them red.

Then it said "mother-in-law"

in the middle.

You'll never step into a workshop

and smell wood and linseed oil.

He ordered us to the other end.

We stood bare-arsed like this.

He was a prick. Then he went

to the other end and shouted:

"Watch out, here I come. "

Then he came storming -

and whacked us in the arse

so that we flew for miles.

Can't you hear me, you fool? Don't

you know you'll never work again?

It said "mother-in-law"

on our arses. It's true.

Never!

Never!

- Viggo... There's more cheese.

Viggo, you made a quip one day:

"Why take the stairs... "

I've never said that!

Yes. "Why take the stairs when... "

- I've never said that!

Viggo. No, not here, Viggo.

Never.

Prick.

Yes, that's it.

Oda, you look like a sparrow

who's fallen of its perch.

I'm cheating you, Oda.

Your husband is a prick.

An unemployed prick. Prick.

Did you ride your bicycle?

- No.

Then it's not a bicycle lamp

in your pocket?

Watch your back, Viggo!

- You watch it.

Can't we dance some more?

It's been so long since I've danced.

Yes, you can tell.

You dance like a hippopotamus.

You're so primitive.

I'm sorry.

- You're supposed to be.

Is four-eyes up there your husband?

How about a trip to Majorca?

A whole week in Majorca.

The world's longest bar.

We can be really...

primitive there.

Have you been there?

Are you insane? It's expensive,

and I'm unemployed.

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