De Haas in de Marathon

Sure, I'll hold.

Yes, go and get him.

- Geer, we'll be starting in a minute.

- Be right there.

Thanks.

Guys, there's this douche of a Turk

who doesn't want to pay up.

Still, better than getting a douche

from a Turk.

Is that car ready?

That woman is picking it up tomorrow.

- It just needs a new header.

- I wouldn't mind giving head.

Your wife wouldn't mind either.

Come on, deal.

One game can't do any harm.

Hey, Yous, could you finish that car?

Keep working. At your pace, the pyramids

wouldn't have been finished yet.

- Pass.

- Me too.

- This one can go.

- And the ace.

Guys, it's my birthday

on Sunday.

So, coffee and pastry at 11 am.

And beer at 11:
30 am.

- Good plan. Who's dealing?

- Kees? Coming too?

- Why wouldn't I?

Because Jolan might...

I'm not going to let her decide

where I'm hanging out.

Right. Course not.

- Diamonds.

- You wear them on your fingers.

I pass.

Hey, Harry.

Grow up, man.

Hey, grow up!

There...

- ...delicious stew.

- Great, babe.

Stop that!

Moron.

Lord, bless this food. Amen.

It's Gerard's birthday.

On Sunday.

He asked if we...

Meatball?

Aniet?

Aniet?

What's wrong with my big,

brown crybaby? Huh?

Where's your soother?

Here it is. Look.

Where's mommy? Huh?

Where's mom?

Let's see if there are some

chicken nuggets in the fridge. Huh?

And maybe even a nice, naughty beer.

You've reached Mrs. Witteveld and Nico.

We're not home right now.

Please leave a message after the beep.

Hi, it's Anneke.

I can't make it.

I don't know whether you counted on me.

It might be better anyway

if we don't...

It's better that we don't

see each other anymore.

I don't want to make you feel bad.

And it's certainly not you...

...but me.

You're a great guy.

I just don't know

what I want right now.

Hey Lee, I didn't know

you were still awake.

Aniet, it's 1:
30. Where have you been?

- A friend of mine had some problems.

- You left Jayden home alone.

- He was asleep.

You shouldn't do that, sweetie.

Anita...

There, let's go to sleep.

I'm exhausted.

Hey, Harry!

Harry. Hey!

Just stay for a while, man.

Grandma's here too, right?

Damn...

Goddammit.

Long may he live

long may he live on high

hip hip hurray!

Beautifully sung.

Anita, do you want a cream puff,

or mocha or cream cake, or fruit pie?

Anita, do you want a cream puff,

or mocha or cream cake, or fruit pie?

- I don't care.

- It's your choice.

I really don't care.

I'm not fussy.

- How about a nice cannoli?

- No, then I'll have fruit pie.

Don't give ma any.

She's so messy.

- I'll have apple crumble, if you have it.

- Sure.

- And cake, cannoli, pie.

- I'll have fruit pie. I'm on a diet.

Where's Harry?

Doing his homework at a friend's house,

I think.

Hey, ma?

Ma, want a pastry?

- Who are you?

- Who are you!

- I'm Gerard.

- Gerard?

Gerard. Your son.

Remember? My brother.

Oh, Gerard!

Now I recognize you.

But what are you doing here?

Well, I'm at home.

And you are visiting me.

Nice, isn't?

Sure. But it's a big surprise to me, son.

Gerard, I love your suit.

It's his birthday.

I've said that ten times already.

- She's completely out of it, right?

- Right.

- Put a drop of chlorine in the water.

- Gorgeous. I'll do it later.

- Enjoying yourself?

- Yeah.

- Did you say fruit, Nel?

- I'm not sure...

- She'll have fruit and give Joop a cannoli.

- Want a cannoli, Joop?

So this woman goes to the doctor and says:

I think one of my b*obs is bigger.

- The doctor says...

- Is yours sweet, Joop?

My coffee is.

That doctor says...

I thought I had a cannoli?

- Need a hand?

- I'll manage, Nel.

- Who's that?

- Nel. Your neighbor.

The neighbors from number 40.

With Herman.

Nel and Herman.

"B*obs can be different, ma'am.

Take off your clothes."

She says:
I only have one labia.

That doctor says:

I'll prick into that too.

I have my eye on this new car.

A Range Rover.

A four wheel drive, you know.

With an 8-speed automatic transmission.

The nice thing is that you can buy

it as is, or have it customized.

I'll have that done, of course.

A raised exhaust.

- Mudguards front, mudguards back.

- Right.

And waterproof seat covers inside.

Can't do without them.

- Nel gets rather sweaty, so it leaves stains.

- Not at all.

- How fuel efficient do you think it is?

- I don't know.

- 31 mpg.

- Herman, she doesn't care.

- I don't mind. It doesn't bother me.

- If it does, just say so.

Here, eat your pastry.

Why would she be interested in your car?

Watch my soul Thou art almighty

Kees doesn't know what he's missing.

Look at that.

- Where did you used to work?

- On the Keile Road.

- At a company, or...?

- Yeah, sort of a company.

- But I also acted in some movies.

- Oh, lovely.

Well, it wasn't really about love.

The pay was all right.

It's all over and done with, though.

I got pregnant,

so they didn't want me anymore.

Because then they can't

get their fist in anymore.

No pickles on Joop's sausage.

- Gives him heartburn.

- Any beer left?

- Is your mom in a retirement unit?

- No, in a psychiatric facility.

- Flip that one over.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Did you hear about Marie?

- No.

- Everything taken away.

- At Marie's?

- By Moroccans?

- No, by the doctor.

Look, there's beer again.

Joop, you can have the first.

- The entire henhouse removed.

- Just awful.

It's bad for your femininity.

Guys, boiling hot satay.

A few are a bit burned,

but just scrape that off.

- What kind of meat is it?

- Halal pork, I think.

You'd think that a car like that

is a gas guzzler.

But A:
It's diesel

and B:
It's not too bad.

- So it's two birds with one stone.

- Herman, that's enough.

Hannie, your mom is spitting it all

into her purse.

Ma, that's gross.

So the doctor cranks that speculum.

He says:
Ma'am, your one ovary

is longer than the other.

Joop? No, stay, stay!

- Joop, look after ma, dammit.

- She's not going anywhere.

- Isn't that baby lying too much in the smoke?

- Nah, he's sleeping. Just leave him.

- 170... 180. Nice haul, right?

- Very nice.

Aw look, from Nel and Herman.

- Two times professional tanning.

- Classy.

There.

Nelis, you can go to Paris again.

Ten is fine.

Have a good trip.

Go on, take that baby out on the road.

- Jesus, Lee, been banging away all night?

- I wish.

That baby bawls all night.

Drives us crazy.

Put some banana liqueur in his bottle.

He's an Ambonese, isn't he?

Cape Verdean.

Or squish that stuff and put it on

his soother. As long as it's banana.

- All those blacks love bananas.

- True.

- Are you stuck with the trump nine?

- Yeah.

The son of my brother-in-law Joop

comes home one day and says:

"Pa, I need to talk to you."

So Joop says:
"Fine, son, what is it?"

So he says:
"Pa, I think I'm gay."

Joop says right away: "That's fine, son,

but you can't ever sit on dad's lap again."

Good morning, little lady.

- What can we do for you?

- All of a sudden a red light came on.

- I have no idea what it means.

- Time to go to work?

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