Dead and Gone Page #3

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coming from the desert.

These are gonna meet

in the middle, create some siroccos,

or dust devils,

so keep your windows open

when you're driving

in the interior.

That's some good advice there, folks.

Tomorrow, we're gonna have

a little bit of precipitation

in this area, so you might want

to take an umbrella.

Otherwise, the rest

of the week is gonna be good

to bring the top down

on the convertible

and take the kids out for a ride.

Oh, absolutely.

Why not bring the little ones

down to the park for a nice game

of road-apple pitch-and-catch?

Thank you, Susie.

Sounds like a great week in sports.

And go Wildcats.

The local high schools are

gonna be having a bake sale

to raise money

for the football team.

So you should come on down

and bring the kids.

We're gonna

have fantastic food...

You can watch the March...

gonna need

a chum bucket...

the March of the Poodles.

Bring the dogs.

And barking galore...

a good time for everybody.

Remember, go Mustangs!

Back to you, Susie.

Wow, looks like we still got

some serious trouble over

there in the Middle East.

Know what? Those people

ought to learn from us.

At least we know how to live in the

high desert without killing each other.

Anyway, back to local news.

Come on, boys,

don't you want to be a hero?

Jack, cut her like a pig.

Keep the knife in the gullet.

She'll make more noise,

she'll bleed out slow

but it'll make

the meat taste sweeter.

So you've never...

Ah!

Coward!

Oh yes, you are!

Your check... it bounced.

You are! Ah!

- Ow.

- Die, b*tch.

Ah!

Sweet dreams.

Sorry... I guess my timing

isn't the greatest.

I've seen better.

Really? Ahem.

I haven't.

So what do you want

to do now?

Oh, as in "stay or go"?

- Ah...

- Yeah.

Well, maybe I should

come back again

and see you later.

Not here.

Okay. I've got

the perfect place.

I love that noise.

The wind?

The wind moving through trees.

You know that whispering sound?

Gives me the creeps.

In fact, this whole area

gives me the creeps.

You know,

I think I like you.

Don't like me too much.

Why does this place

spook you out?

Somebody told me something

bad happened here once.

Do you know

anything about that?

Just some old

murder-suicide story.

Every town has

a haunted house.

Maybe it's true this time.

What makes you say that?

Never mind.

I didn't mean

to creep you out.

- You leaving?

- Yeah.

I have to check in

with the ranger station before sundown.

I get to be the mailman

around here too.

Mail lady... whatever.

Well, if you want something done,

give it to the busy person, right?

Yeah, that's what they say.

Sure worked for me just now.

I'm tired.

Take a nap.

I'm sorry.

Well, guess who really

screwed the pooch this time?

- Please.

- I don't care if you f*** that cop,

but whacking my nurse was

a bit crass, don't you think?

I didn't kill anybody.

Are you so sure?

'Cause I haven't moved

an inch all day.

Why are you doing

this to me?

Baby cakes,

I haven't had to do

much of anything really.

You always did have

the raw material...

I am through listening.

Oh, now he grows some balls.

Why won't you die?

Oh!

Burn in hell.

Bye bye.

Rest in peace, b*tch.

40 years of pain.

Ah... ha ha!

Sh*t.

Come on, Booger.

I'll kick your ass

for real this time.

I can hear you,

you little prick.

Just try me.

Just try me.

What the f*** do you want?

Ah... pretty.

Get out of here.

Look, my poor wife's

in the other room.

Show a little bit

of respect, huh?

Eat this, motherf***er.

Ahhh ahhh!

Ahh!

Motherf***er.

Drink it!

Huh?

You do good work.

Not you.

No, I'm seriously impressed.

I would have thought you

were too delicate for that.

What did you expect?

I was gonna let him rape me?

Oh, come on!

What's one more quick f*** to someone

as experienced as you, sweetie?

I'm not listening.

I'm tired.

Go to bed.

Brothers and sisters,

a tormented man recently

came to me for guidance.

He was jealous because his wife

and her ex-boyfriend

still had lunch now and again.

"Oh," I told him,

"that doesn't mean that

they're doing the nasty,

or bumping uglies,

or hiding the salami

or carnal and sinful things like that. "

But he said, "Hell,

I just know that she's lying,

Reverend Grass.

She's a lying slut

and I'm going to shoot her. "

Well, you know what

he did, my friends?

He went out

and he did just that.

Bam! He shot her.

So listen to me, Jack.

You know what I think?

You need to kill

that little hot slut cop.

Really.

Or you know what?

She's gonna turn you in.

As sure as sh*t

is glowing through a goose,

she is going to turn you in.

Jack, she's gonna

turn you in.

Now let us pray.

- Hello?

- Jack?

- Peggy?

- Okay, are you sitting down?

The IRS guy came through.

That's good news.

So he was a little help after all.

Well, they said they can get

half your share of the refund

on an emergency basis.

Well, I mean,

things could be worse.

Jack, I really want to see you.

Not until I know I'm in the clear.

Really soon then.

Okay okay.

I'll be ready and waiting.

Call me when you know.

And Peggy, Peggy, Peggy?

I'll make this up to you.

You have been doing

such a wonderful job.

Everything will be just fine.

It's all working out

just as I thought.

Shh.

She's coming.

Go away.

Jack, I need to talk to you.

It's important.

There's a warrant out

for your arrest.

Something like this

can cost me my job.

Do you want to see it?

- See what?

- The warrant.

Doesn't matter.

Says you took your wife

without permission.

Her relatives have filed

a lawsuit, Jack.

And you lied to me.

I mean, you're...

an actor but

you're not from England,

and you were never

a medical student.

Were you?

No.

But I played one on TV.

I haven't told them anything.

Not yet... I wanted to hear

your side of the story.

It's like I told you...

Frankie lost a fortune

in her last movie.

Then the medical expenses

pretty much finished us off.

Everything's gone

but the life insurance.

I got scared, so I ran.

- And you took her with you?

- I didn't know what else to do.

Jack, I need to ask you something

and I need you to tell me the truth.

What?

Did you bring your wife

up here to kill her?

What?

Why would I do that?

- For the insurance money.

- Don't be ridiculous.

- Is she still inside?

- F*** yeah, she's around.

Now let's just forget

about Frankie.

- Jack, I'm here on business.

- Hey hey.

I mean business too.

All right, exactly what do

her relatives have against you?

They hate me.

They always have.

If they find out where I am,

they'll put me in an institution.

- For what?

- Pick your diagnosis, Kate.

I've heard "manic depressive,

psychotic, mildly schizophrenic,"

you name it.

She... keep... go on.

Okay, look,

I'm not crazy, I'm not.

They've wanted to

put me away for years.

Why?

Money. It's always

about money, isn't it?

Yeah, when it's not about sex.

I can't go back.

Jack, I'm gonna do everything

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