Dead Like Me: Life After Death Page #6

I am, too.

F***ing Cameron!

We can't blame

the man for everything.

It's not like we didn't

buy into this bullshit.

Yeah, well, the fish

stinks from the head.

And all the dead bodies.

So, what are we gonna

do about it, then?

Go above his head.

Upper management.

Do you want to talk into

the microphone any louder, Roxy?

You're paranoid, moron.

W-W-R-D?

Oh, I love that show.

That Loni Anderson.

What a beautiful pair

of boom-booms she had.

What would Rube do? You stupid idiot.

Oh, yeah.

What would Rube...

Yeah, that's good. Well, first

of all, he'd probably eat a pie.

Then he'd slurpy slurp

his coffee really loudly.

Then he'd abuse me

in some way or another.

Then he'd figure out a way

to kick Cameron's little ass.

This is only gonna get worse.

Do you understand this?

Ugh.

Not

if we don't let it.

All right. Let's make this quick.

I've got a hedge fund

meeting in Hong Kong.

Always had a weakness for

volatility, risk and easy women.

- What about our reaps?

- What about them?

You can't just

leave us hanging.

- Rube wouldn't do that.

- Rube was a f***ing idiot.

And the way you losers bought into

his fire and brimstone

bullshit is beyond me.

- Oh, f*** you, Cameron.

- No, thanks, Daisy.

I've been there, and I've done that.

Although I do agree with Rube on

the old cause-and-effect chaos theory.

You drop a pebble in the ocean,

creating a tiny wave,

eventually it turns into a tsunami

ripping through Indonesia,

killing thousands.

Or not.

Perhaps a drunken performance,

a moronic liquor-store robbery,

a selfish heroic act, a delayed reap,

can create genocide in the Sudan.

And you, my friends,

were the pebbles.

I dropped you in, and one by one,

you f***ed up,

creating a wave which, frankly,

I'm too bored to ride.

So this is just a game to you?

Oh, we're all players.

You're evil!

Yeah, I must admit I'm getting

a little bit fed up with you,

you little prick.

You, Mason, are a sad, sad little clown.

Watch it.

- Ooh, scary words

from the passive-aggressive

ex-meter maid.

There's nothing passive

with my aggression.

A**hole.

- We have to get rid of him.

- Yeah. Yeah, we have to get rid of him.

We have to kill him.

- Let's kill him. Let's kill him.

- Kill him?

How do you kill

someone who's already dead?

I don't know. How do you kill

somebody who's already dead?

How do...

How do...

I'm thinking.

I'm dead, and I was frightened.

Do you think we should leave a note?

No way. Part of being dead

is having a very high deductible.

Are you sure you wanna do this?

Yeah.

And if Jennifer doesn't like it,

she can blow me.

Uh, hi.

Um, you don't know me...

Reg?

Reggie Lass.

- This is my sister.

- Millie.

I'm not really her sister.

I'm part of the Big Sister program.

We mentor.

He asked for you.

- He did?

- Last night.

He talked. A couple of words.

We thought Reg would be a boy.

But the way he said your name,

well, it was pretty clear

that you were a girl.

Sorry.

We'll just step outside

and give you some privacy.

Stay close.

I mean, in case he wakes up.

Talk to him. Hold his hand.

Yes, ma'am.

I'm sorry, Hudson.

I never should have let them

keep me away from you.

Reggie, I have to do my job.

You're not doing it.

I have to, Reggie.

But he asked his parents for me.

He asked for me, George.

I know.

He can't die.

Please don't take him away from me.

Please.

I have no choice, Reggie.

But I love him.

Reggie, I'm sorry.

What happened? Is Reggie okay?

I don't know.

His heart.

Oh, my God.

Clear.

Where did she go?

Where you can't follow.

Bullshit.

Clear.

Wait.

I've gotta find her.

Trust me, this won't turn out

well for either one of you.

I love her.

I know.

Tell her...

Tell her that I'm sorry

I kept her a secret.

I will.

Hudson, Hudson, Hudson...

Reggie, wait! Wait!

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Then why are we going

Because you're dead,

Hudson's dead...

But, Reggie, you have your

whole life ahead of you.

It sounds like a line

of Mom's bullshit.

You're right.

But if you're gonna die,

you're not gonna

do it at this speed.

Whoo!

Yeah! Look what

this baby can do!

You know what? I'm on your side.

Let's try to hit 120.

Stop it. You're hurting my foot.

Oh, you have no idea.

You've never been reaped.

Well, you see that wall out there?

When you hit it, it's gonna

really hurt, so be ready for that.

- Stop it!

- This is gonna get really messy.

Stop it! We're gonna crash!

Oh, I thought that's

what you wanted.

I don't want to die!

Take it from me,

you're gonna die eventually,

so why speed up the process?

Thanks a lot.

What I'm saying is

it's none of my business

when or how you die.

But know that

it is gonna happen,

and until then,

you have a lot to do.

Be adventurous, but not reckless.

You sound like Mom.

Fall in love again,

but not with some d*ckhead.

Stay in school. Have a big career.

Get married. Have a lot of kids.

Come 90 years old,

then a crazy old lady.

And scare the sh*t out

of the kids on Halloween.

It's hard to imagine.

Not for me.

Reggie,

I can't see you anymore.

I know.

I'm just tired of keeping so many secrets.

Then don't.

I love you.

Now you really sound like Mom.

When I was a little girl,

I thought there was

a clock in my heart.

That it had these little hands.

I wish someone had told me

how easily those hands were broken,

how quickly the clock would stop.

I wouldn't have pretended

I was invisible.

I would have paid

more attention to people.

To time.

I would have paid more

attention to everything.

If you think I'm going gently to that

good night, then go f*** yourself!

Ain't nothing gentle

about this, a**hole.

I thought silver bullets

were meant for werewolves.

What now?

I'm thinking.

How long's it been?

- About one bottle's worth.

Top me off then, darling, will you?

Think he's gone?

Christ, this is getting boring.

What now?

- I'm thinking.

- I'm not convinced.

- Neither am I.

Neither am I.

Guys, can we stop

f***ing around now?

Was she upset?

I don't know.

I mean, I don't think so.

You know, Reggie's pretty stoic.

Except she was upset

about this boy at school.

He'd... He'd had a bad accident.

You're an idiot.

Excuse me?

Not you. Me.

Murray, now you get to play

with Shadow and Snowball.

And JD and Junior.

Oh, and that meanie Stella.

Give her a swat for me, will you?

Meanest cat I ever had.

Will you come with me

to dispose of the ashes?

Anything you need, Delores.

Morning.

Hey.

You are so consistently inconsistent.

Actually, I'm just the opposite.

Well, either way,

you always end up here.

Would have been

considerate if you'd left a note.

I don't think you do that

when you run away.

Is that what this is?

Maybe.

Five years.

Like a blur.

Not for me.

And what exactly are these annual

maintenance fees used for, huh?

I'm never coming back here again.

Reggie.

Come on, it's your sister's grave.

Except George isn't in it.

I always knew that she was around.

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