Dead Man Page #3

bed and a tiny little bed.

- All right.

- I'll go.

...their tiny bed.

I'd rather not,

but I'll go.

The bears got home.

Papa said,

"Somebody here ate

all our porridge."

- What's the best way to get down there?

- Be quiet and go.

- And he scalped her,

- All right.

And he tore her head

off her body.

And he took that golden hair,

and he made a sweater for baby bear.

- That's terrible.

- Tonight we're reminded...

of the evil emperor

Nero Augustus.

He was the scourge

of all the Christians.

What's a scourge?

It's... It's like when

somethin' real bad happens.

Like when everybody gets killed

and you can't do anything about it.

Like a swarm of locusts.

For the entertainment

of his guests,

Nero would illuminate

his whole garden...

with bodies of live Christians

covered in burning oil...

strung up

on flaming crosses, crucified.

And at dinner,

he would have the Christians

rubbed by his guards...

with aromatic herbs

and garlic...

and sewn up into sacks.

And then they'd throw

these sacks to the wild dogs.

Well, that's terrible.

- It's horrible.

- Terrible's what it is.

You know, I just... I can't

drink whiskey like I used to could.

My old belly

just ain't no account.

I get the shits every time,

don't you know?

I'm sorry, Big George.

I got some food here that

even Goldilocks never tasted.

I think this is gonna

fix up your old gut.

These beans is sh*t.

Why don't you shut your goddamn trap

and just eat your beans?

Them, uh... There's possum

in these beans, and spices too.

- I tried hard.

- Well, Sally,

I don't give a pig's ass

what anybody says.

I still say you make

a hell of a pot of beans.

Now why don't you say us

a grace outta the Good Book, would you?

Thank you, Big George.

I'd be delighted to do that.

"This day will the Lord

deliver thee into mine hand;

And I will smite thee, and

take thine head from thee;

And I will give the carcasses of

the host of the Philistines this day...

unto the fowls of the air

and the wild beasts of the earth."

Amen.

- What's a Philistine?

- Well, it's just a real dirty person.

Hello.

I smelled beans.

Who are you

travelin' with?

I'm with Nobody.

Where you headed?

I don't know.

- Do you like beans?

- I...

I love beans.

Have you got

any tobacco?

- I'm sorry. I don't smoke.

- Would you give me some tobacco?

- I would if I had some.

- I'll trade you some beans

for some tobacco.

I don't have any tobacco,

but I'd love some beans.

Hurt.

- Yes.

- Eyeglasses.

- Yes.

- Pretty suit too.

- I clean up real good, you know.

- Is that right?

- Yeah.

- What size shoes are those?

- Ten.

- They look very comfortable. Are they?

Not too bad.

What kinda flower

is that?

Well, it's a rose...

that's made out of paper.

- Paper?

- Rose.

- Now you see there?

- Look at the edge on that knife.

- Hmm.

- Feel that.

- I'd rather not.

Aw, go on.

- Hmm.

- That... That is a very,

very sharp knife, that is.

- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

- Yeah. Yeah.

What do you call it?

- Pretty.

- I'm sorry?

That hat.

What do you call it?

I'm really not sure.

Ah, your hair.

Your hair is soft.

It's like a girl's.

By God, it is soft.

Now how do you

get it that way?

See, this old stuff of mine, it just...

Well, it's just like old barn hay.

- There ain't a durn thing

you can do with it.

- Hm.

How do you... How do you get it

that way and keep it like that?

Just lucky, I guess.

Lucky. Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Goddamn it.

You keep your hand off of it.

I thought I told you

not to touch me.

I don't give a good goddamn

what you told me. You keep

your hands off his hair.

Why? What's that to do

with you then, eh?

That's got plenty to do

with me, goddamn it.

- Really? This one's mine!

- That's right.

- This one's yours?

- Yes!

This one's mine, Big George.

You had the last one.

- Is that a fact?

- I saw him first.

I don't give a sh*t who saw what

and who did what or who did who.

You had the last philistine.

This one's mine.

If I want this one,

I'll have him, too, by God.

Fine. What happens

if I just shoot you then, eh?

- What do you think about that?

- You gonna shoot me?

- That's right.

- Well, why don't you shoot me

then, goddamn it?

- I will. I'll shoot you right now.

- Come on. Shoot me.

- I will.

- Well, quit talkin' about it

and do it, by God.

I will.

- There you go.

- Good God, I'm hit! Lord have mercy!

Burns like hell fire!

You son of a b*tch.

I'm gonna have

to kill somebody now.

Well, goddamn it,

I guess nobody gets you.

- What the hell?

- Nobody.

Oh, Jesus's bears and squirrels.

I cooked, I cleaned, and I sewed,

and I have

a right to get...

Yee!

Hootka.

That's me.

Wanted.

"The brutal murders of one Thel Russell

and one Charles Ludlow Dickinson."

I didn't kill Thel.

I didn't kill Thel.

Your actions

are useless.

This is complete fabrication.

There can't be...

You cannot stop the clouds

by the building of a ship.

What? What did you say?

You know, I've had it up to here

with this Indian malarkey.

I haven't understood

a single word you've said since

I met you, not one single word.

Are you sure

you have no tobacco?

I've already told you

I don't smoke.

If I don't smoke, there's a pretty good

chance that I don't have any tobacco.

William Blake.

I guess the best advice

just not to take any damn advice.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa.

What the hell...

is that?

What's that say?

Read it.

- "Wanted:
William Blake."

- Huh?

"In the amount of $500."

Sh*t.

Hell, ain't we about more f***ed

than a whore at closin' time, huh?

Thanks to goddamn

Mr. Dickinson, huh?

I'll tell you what

that there says, huh?

It says some

pelt-wearin' trapper,

some stinkin' bean-suckin'

possum skinner, he's gonna

collect that reward money.

Make you feel good?

Huh?

- Goddamn pelt skinner.

- I'll be damn.

Five hundred dollars.

I don't understand.

I thought we was hired exclusive.

I mean, he paid us in gold in advance.

I'm out here... I'm out here

in the middle of shits creek...

with two local lunatics.

One who don't

say nothin'...

And the other one,

he won't never stop yappin'!

You gonna shed tears for us?

I wouldn't do that

if I were you.

- And why not?

- Because it ain't good for your health.

F*** you.

F*** me?

F*** you.

Goddamn it.

Jesus, Cole.

He's just a kid.

He's a Navajo mud toy now.

Yeah.

Aho.

I have just ingested...

the food of the Great Spirit...

and Father peyote.

Do you think I could have

a little bite of it?

It's not for use

even for William Blake.

Flowers of the medicine...

give you sacred visions

that are not for you right now.

My southern brothers were

prohibited from using it...

by the Spanish devils.

But now,

even the Notoemne

and the Dene...

know of its loving ways.

What?

What are you lookin' at?

William Blake.

It's so strange that

you don't remember any of your poetry.

I don't know anything about poetry.

Oh, you're so modest.

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