Dead Man on Campus

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?? GOLDEN YEARS ??

?? GOLD ??

?? WHOP WHOP WHOP ??

?? DON'T LET ME HEAR

YOU SAY ??

?? LIFE'S TAKING YOU

NOWHERE ??

?? ANGEL ??

?? COME, GET UP, MY BABY ??

?? LOOK AT THE SKY,

LIFE'S BEGUN ??

?? THE NIGHTS ARE WARM,

AND THE DAYS ARE YOUNG ??

?? COME, GET UP, MY BABY ??

?? THERE'S MY BABY,

LOST, THAT'S ALL ??

?? ONCE I'M BEGGIN' YOU ??

?? SAVE HER LITTLE SOUL ??

?? GOLDEN YEARS ??

?? GOLD ??

?? WHOP WHOP WHOP ??

?? COME, GET UP, MY BABY ??

?? LAST NIGHT,

THEY LOVED YOU ??

?? OPENING DOORS

AND PULLING SOME STRINGS ??

?? ANGEL ??

?? COME, GET UP, MY BABY ??

?? IN WALKED LUCK,

AND YOU LOOKED IN TIME ??

?? NEVER LOOK BACK ??

?? WALK TALL, ACT FINE ??

?? COME, GET UP, MY BABY ??

?? I'LL STICK

WITH YOU, BABY ??

?? FOR A THOUSAND YEARS ??

?? NOTHING'S

GONNA TOUCH YOU ??

?? IN THESE GOLDEN YEARS ??

?? GOLDEN YEARS ??

?? GOLD ??

?? WHOP WHOP WHOP ??

?? COME, GET UP, MY BABY ??

?? RUN FOR THE SHADOWS ??

?? RUN FOR THE SHADOWS ??

?? RUN FOR THE SHADOWS ??

?? IN THESE GOLDEN YEARS ??

?? SOME OF THESE DAYS,

AND IT WON'T BE LONG ??

?? GONNA DRIVE BACK DOWN

WHERE YOU ONCE BELONGED ??

?? IN THE BACK OF

A DREAM CAR, 20-FOOT LONG ??

?? DON'T CRY, MY SWEET ??

?? DON'T BREAK MY HEART ??

?? DOIN' ALL RIGHT,

BUT YOU GOTTA GET SMART ??

?? WISH UPON WISH

UPON DAY UPON DAY ??

?? I BELIEVE, O LORD ??

?? I BELIEVE

ALL THE WAY ??

?? LOOK AT MY BABY,

LOST, THAT'S ALL ??

?? ONCE I'M BEGGIN' YOU ??

?? SAVE HER LITTLE SOUL ??

DON'T LOSE IT.

?? GET UP, MY BABY ??

?? RUN FOR THE SHADOWS ??

?? RUN FOR THE SHADOWS ??

?? RUN FOR THE SHADOWS ??

?? IN THESE GOLDEN YEARS ??

?? COME, GET UP, MY BABY ??

YOUR WORK STUDY IS

IN THE HOUSING OFFICE.

6-YEAR MEDICAL PROGRAM--

BIOLOGY,

ORGANIC CHEMISTRY--

FULL ACADEMIC:

SCHOLARSHIP?

YEAH.

I WANT TO KEEP FOCUSED

ON MY CAREER TRACK.

OK, BUT THIS IS

A LOT OF CREDITS.

BE SURE YOU DON' FALL BEHIND.

I THINK I CAN HANDLE IT.

?? I'LL STICK

WITH YOU, BABY ??

?? FOR A THOUSAND YEARS ??

?? NOTHING'S

GONNA TOUCH YOU ??

?? IN THESE GOLDEN YEARS ??

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Boy:
I DON'T KNOW

WHAT TO TELL YOU.

DUDES.

IT DIDN'T GO AS FAR

AS I THOUGHT.

STOP!

HI.

HEY.

[DIFFERENT MUSIC PLAYING]

Boy:
WHY ARE YOU GOING

THROUGH MY STUFF?

MA, WHY ARE YOU PUTTING

THE FLANNEL SHEETS ON?

IT'S SEPTEMBER. YOU WAN ME TO SWEAT MY ASS OFF?

[MUSIC STOPS]

[HAMMERING]

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

YOU MUST BE:

ONE OF MY ROOMMATES.

I'M JOSH.

THE SINGLE'S MINE.

I CALLED IT.

THAT SEEMS FAIR.

OH, SORRY.

Girl:
SO, ANYWAY...

GOD, I'M STARVING.

Girl:
ME, TOO.

Girl:
HE LETS YOU OU EARLY EVERY CLASS.

Girl:
REALLY?

MM-HMM.

[BONG BUBBLING]

[PERSON INHALES]

HUH?

HOLA.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH. HEY,

YOU MUST BE JOSH.

LISTEN, I'M SORRY--

[MAN INHALES]

ARE YOU GUYS:

GETTING STONED AGAIN?

MAN!

THAT IS CLASSIC!

TAKE THESE. WE WOULD'VE

BEEN HERE SOONER,

BUT THESE GUYS KEP STOPPING OFF FOR SNACKS.

HEY, COOPER,

YOU WERE THE ONE

WHO HAD THE MUNCHIES.

HA HA HA HA!

WE SHOULD'VE NEVER HAVE

GOTTEN HIGH IN BOSTON!

OH, MAN, THAT WAS GREAT.

Man:
LIGHT UP

ANOTHER ONE, MAN.

OHH.

YEAH. HMM.

JOSH...

WHERE DO YOU THINK

WE SHOULD PUT THE BONG?

IN THE CLOSET?

NO. THIS IS

A SHOWCASE BONG.

TAKE A LOOK AT IT, HUH?

HEY, DO YOU WAN A HIT?

UH...

NO.

I JUST BRUSHED MY TEETH.

JOSH, YOU'RE NOT GOING

TO BED, ARE YOU?

ACTUALLY, YEAH. I GO TO GET UP EARLY TOMORROW.

SH*T. I JUST ME THESE PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS,

AND I TOLD THEM TO COME

UP FOR A FEW DRINKS.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

THEY'RE RIGHT OUTSIDE.

I'LL GET RID OF THEM.

NO, NO, IT'S OK.

REALLY?

ARE YOU SURE? BECAUSE

I CAN TELL THEM TO GET LOST.

NO. IT'S COOL. I--

LET ME PUT ON:

SOME PANTS.

ALL RIGHT.

HEY, GUYS, COME ON IN.

HEY, THIS IS JOSH.

THIS IS MY NEW ROOMMATE.

JOSH, SAY HELLO, HUH?

WHAT'S GOING ON, GUYS?

HOW YOU DOING? ALL RIGHT?

GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

WHO WANTS SOME DRINKS?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

OVER THERE, GUYS.

OVER THERE.

YEAH. THIS IS

A PARTY.

SHOW ME THE MUFF.

PASS THOSE OUT.

THERE YOU GO.

Boy:
WHAT THE F***?

TURN THAT SH*T OFF!

[TURNS OFF MUSIC]

HEY, BUDDY.

YOU MUST BE KYLE.

I'M COOPER.

I'M NOT YOUR BUDDY...

BUDDY.

OK.

OH, LOOK AT THAT.

I SEE YOU LIKE GIRLS.

YOU MUST BE THE PRODUC OF AN ALL BOYS SCHOOL.

CATHOLIC:

ALL BOYS SCHOOL.

CATH--HOLY MARY,

MOTHER OF GOD.

YOU'RE SO HORNY

YOU'VE TURNED MEAN.

YOU KEEP THAT MUSIC OFF,

A**HOLE,

OR I'M GOING TO BASH

YOUR F***ING HEAD IN!

KYLE, KYLE, KYLE.

[LAUGHS]

YOU'RE BEING AN A**HOLE.

NOW, YOU GO AROUND

BASHING PEOPLE'S HEADS IN,

GIRLS AREN'T GOING

TO THINK YOU'RE COOL.

THEY'RE GOING TO THINK

YOU'RE A STEROID FREAK

WITH A PIXIE DICK

AND AN ASS FOR A BRAIN.

REALLY?

HEH HEH.

EVERYBODY, THIS IS KYLE.

GIVE HIM A BEER. COME ON,

LET'S START THE MUSIC.

LET'S GO. LET'S GE THIS PARTY STARTED, HUH?

Cooper:
ALL RIGHT,

WHERE WERE WE?

MARTINIS, HUH?

ALL RIGHT.

INCOMING.

HEY.

HEY, I'M PICKLE.

I JUST THOUGHT YOU COULD

USE THESE THINGS.

OH, YOUR NAME'S

PICKLE, HUH?

WHAT'D YOU DO, KNOCK OFF

AN APPLIANCE STORE?

I HAD SOME STUFF

SHIPPED HERE.

IT KIND OF REMINDS ME

OF HOME, YOU KNOW?

THAT BLENDER:

REMINDS YOU OF HOME?

OH, YEAH.

DEFINITELY.

[LAUGHS]

MARTINIS!

WHAT IS THAT?

THAT'S A MATH AWARD.

LOOKS LIKE A DILDO.

HEY, ZEKE, LOOK.

IT'S A DILDO.

HEY, HEY, HEY,

HEY, HEY, HEY.

HEY.

HEY...

HERE'S YOUR DILDO.

THANKS.

OHH.

SO, JOSH...

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF.

I DON'T KNOW.

UH...

I'M FROM INDIANA,

AND I'M IN THE 6-YEAR

MEDICAL PROGRAM.

SO YOU, LIKE, STUDIED

IN HIGH SCHOOL?

WOW, THAT'S COOL.

YOU KNOW, I HAD A COUPLE

OF FRIENDS WHO DID THAT.

OH, YEAH?

OH, SHE'S NICE.

GOOD CHOICE.

GO TALK TO HER.

I DON'T THINK SO.

WHY? WHAT ARE YOU

GOING TO DO?

SIT IN BED UNTIL SHE GOES

HOME WITH SOMEBODY ELSE?

YEAH.

I'M IN MY UNDERWEAR.

SO WHAT? JOSH, YOU DON' NEED TO GET DRESSED.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'LL BRING HER OVER.

NO, NO, NO.

WHAT?

DO YOU WANT ME TO GO

GET YOU SOME PANTS?

YEAH. WOULD YOU?

AHH.

THAT'S RACHEL GILMORE.

SHE'S FROM NEW YORK,

AND SHE LIKES:

CREATIVE WRITING.

HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT?

FRESHMAN FACE BOOK.

I'M JUST, LIKE, PTOOF!

JACKING OFF TO THAT THING

FOR, LIKE, 3 WEEKS.

[SNORTS]

OH.

THIS IS MY BROTHER'S

RITALIN.

RITALIN'S GOOD FOR STUDYING

MATH OR SCIENCE.

JUST DON'T TRY TO WRITE

BECAUSE IT WON'T MAKE

ANY SENSE.

ENJOY THEM.

THIS IS MY MOM'S

DIET PILLS--

LOVELY FOR PULLING

ALL-NIGHTERS

AND FOREIGN LANGUAGES.

Girl:
HEY, JENNIFER,

COME HERE.

[EXHALES]

NICE CROSS.

THANKS.

ARE YOU CATHOLIC?

YEAH.

I WENT TO SACRED HEAR SCHOOL FOR GIRLS.

I LOVE YOU.

WHY, HELLO, LADIES.

WE HAVEN'T MET.

I'M COOPER.

THIS IS JOSH.

HI.

DO YOU GUYS:

GO TO DALEMAN?

IT'S THEIR ROOM, LUCY.

YEAH?

I'M LUCY, AND THESE ARE

MY HOMEGIRLS.

RIGHT, KRISTIN?

ISN'T THAT WHAT THEY SAY

WHERE YOU'RE FROM?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

"WHERE I'M FROM"?

OH, YOU KNOW,

THE 'HOOD.

LUCY, WE NEED TO HAVE

A LITTLE TALK.

AHEM.

WELL, TALK.

UH, HEY, UM...

HI.

HI.

YOU MUST BE RACHEL.

YEAH, YEAH.

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

OH, IT'S

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