Dean Spanley Page #4

I see what you mean.

The trouble with cats is

they have no idea of the rules.

One chases them,

invariably they hide or run up trees.

Or perform that preposterous inflation

they're so fond of,

raising their hair on end.

Well, I was never fooled by that ruse.

No?

Well, perhaps once or twice

when I was very young,

but once I discovered what devious

and subversive creatures they are...

So you are inclined to agree

with the swami about them.

About cats and how they diminish

man's estimation of himself.

Oh, indeed.

- They have no awe of the masters.

- The masters?

Yes. How one loved

to be in their company.

How one wanted to please them,

if only by obedience.

Let me give you a piece of advice.

When a door is opened, always

take the opportunity to leave the room.

There is nothing more annoying

to the master

than a dog whining and scratching

to get...

- Tokay?

- No. No, thank you.

Two glasses are my limit.

One must know one's limit.

Otherwise there's no knowing

where things will end up.

I had no idea of the true nature

of what had occurred with the dean.

It may have been madness.

But I found it intriguing.

So intriguing

that I finished the rest of the bottle.

"... pulling a scholar out of the British

Museum by the scruff of his neck. "

It was as if his mind had slipped a cog.

- Went barking mad, you mean?

- No, he was completely rational.

If you can call

remembering you were a dog... rational.

- How much of the Tokay had he had?

- Two glasses. Two.

Sure it wasn't you that was snockered?

So what do you think?

That getting deans tiddly so they can

pretend to remember when they were a dog

is as harmless a way

of spending an evening as any other.

He was not tiddly, as you put it.

He was... well, it was more like

an altered state of mind.

Being tiddly

isn't an altered state of mind?

No, it was the Tokay.

Even when he inhaled it

he was transported to this other place.

And you'd like to get him back

to this other place?

Can you get me another bottle?

Can you?

I don't doubt that for a price

one could come to hand.

Can you get one for next Thursday?

Have another shot.

Your Tokay, Dean.

Ah. What lambency of hue, what colour.

It reminds me of the light

when the master came home. Hup!

- Never to the brim.

- Of course.

- One must leave room for the aroma.

- Yes, yes. The aroma.

Now, you were saying about the master.

Oh, yes. The master.

He would go away for very long times.

Other people were kind,

but it was not the same.

And what did you do?

Why, I'd wait for him

until I knew he was coming home.

- You knew when he was returning?

- Oh, yes.

How, might I ask?

Well, before he was not coming back

and then he was.

That was the difference,

plain and simple.

- I see.

- Yes, seeing is part of it, it's true.

The proximity of the master

does affect the light.

The light grows brighter?

- No, not brighter. Louder.

- The light grows louder?

Well, certainly there was more of it.

I remember waiting one day

when he was due to come back.

And the light that day got brighter

and brighter until one was quite dazzled.

I only know

when he did finally come back

I was so excited

I had several brandies to calm myself.

Dean, dogs do not drink brandy.

No more they do.

I would achieve the same effect

by running round in tight little circles.

Drives the blood to the head

in a most exhilarating fashion.

And then I'd sit down,

have a good scratch.

Were you much bothered by fleas?

When I say bothered, I don't mean...

There's nothing wrong with a few fleas.

They help get one's grooming going.

Ah, yes.

Indeed, I doubt if one can be a dog

and not have fleas.

So these evenings have become

a regular feature, then?

Yes. The dean has a wealth of knowledge

which I find quite fascinating.

Oh.

- Lawrence! Come here!

- No!

Lawrence Swan, come back here!

- But only on a Thursday.

- Come back here at once! Lawrence!

- That man tripped me up!

- Don't be ridiculous.

- He's given to imaginings.

- Uh-huh.

Pick yourself up. I told you before

about running away from me.

If I call to you, you come back...

What on earth possessed you

to do such a thing?

No business running off like that

when he was being summoned.

You talk as if

you were never yourself a child.

Indeed I was,

and damned glad when it was over.

Too much is made of childhood,

to my mind.

Golden days of fun and innocence?

Poppycock.

The most miserable I've been

was as a child.

Is that why you tripped up him up?

To teach him childhood isn't a happy time?

Do not presume to judge me, young Fisk.

I should first have to understand you,

Father. And that, I confess, I do not.

Perhaps you would have to become

a father first.

Your example disinclines me to that

particular comprehension, I'm afraid.

Push on!

Push on!

You don't think

the dean is having you on?

What do you mean, having me on?

That he's spotted you

for the gullible sort

and a good source

for his favourite drink?

Why would he assume

that pretending to have been a dog

would not attract disbelief and ridicule

rather than invitations to dinner?

He saw you at the nawab's

listening to the swami

about reincarnation and dogs

and all that nonsense

and he decided that you believed

in all that stuff.

I can't accept that.

It would be

most unlike someone of his gravitas.

Gravitas?

Telling you about running round

in circles to create the effect of whisky?

Brandy, actually.

And fleas are a good source of grooming?

You could call that gravitas.

He doesn't know when he's saying

these things and when he isn't.

I'd have to be there

to see it for myself to believe it.

- Your Moroccan is here.

- Excuse me. A delivery.

- Go easy on him, my darling.

- Be careful, he's a monkey.

Abdul, how are you?

And how much do I owe our man?

- You owe him nothing.

- You tell him he owes me a gin.

- With pleasure, Mr Wrather.

- Good day.

Very nice article, this.

Fell off the back of an elephant.

Not interested, are you?

- Don't have an elephant.

- Just say the word and I'll get you one.

- Look, about this Tokay...

- Yeah, right. Tokay.

How about if I do round one up,

you let me sit in on the next sance?

It's not a sance.

It's more like the parting of the veil

between one life and another.

All right. The parting of the veil.

But I want to be there.

All right.

But you must promise,

truly and genuinely promise me,

that you will let me

do the questioning.

- Cross my heart and hope to die.

- Swear on something you hold sacred.

- 50 guineas.

- What do you mean?

I give you 50 guineas to hold and if I don't

meet your standard of decorum, I forfeit it.

Am I to understand

that there is nothing you hold sacred?

I feel quite religious about 50 guineas,

I assure you.

I can only imagine

that I was not in my right mind

to have spoken to you in such a fashion

and it grieves me to think that I may have

offended you by my lack of respect.

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