Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father Page #12

I am announcing our action plan.

We will develop policy

specific to children

whose parents are charged

with a violent crime.

The part I was most interested

in, as I said, is bail.

Why was Dr. Shirley Turner

granted

judicial interim release,

commonly known as bail?

This is the one question

that Dr. Markesteyn did not

and could not answer.

So, that's still an open wound,

if you would.

May I?

He did say this,

"Had Dr. Turner

not been released on bail

on 12 December 2001

or on 10 January 2003,

my review would have been

unnecessary.

Zachary would be alive today."

I would like to see

Parliament pass a law

denying bail to people accused

of murder.

Put them on the fast track

to get to trial

and get on with it,

get to the truth.

The only way

I can see it changing

is for every citizen who cares

about this to tell his M.P.

that "This law is stupid.

Change it."

And, of course,

such a selfish thing to do.

She not only killed Andrew,

but she left three other

children without a mother,

which is very sad for them.

And what kind of regret

does that give you?

Well, if things were different,

I guess it's possible

he'd still be alive

and rather than memories

of just one year,

there'd be a lot of years there

now.

- Tough losing a little brother.

- Yeah, definitely.

Zachary should be right here

with me.

He should be off

going to school now,

getting ready to go

to school.

I am going to continue to scream

long and loud

about bail for someone accused

of what Shirley did to my son.

I'd traveled the world for years

looking for what was left

of your dad.

I'd made dozens of new friends.

Dr. DiCuccio has made the trek

out to California.

But there was still one question

I couldn't answer.

How would I know

when I was done?

And what was I

really looking for?

Both as spirituality

and as grief,

the relocation of

the other person is essential.

It's interesting

you should ask that.

My first response was,

"That's not a person."

That is simply a mass of tissue

and protein and fat and water.

Something leaves a body

when death occurs.

What was I trying to find?

To resolve our grief,

we have to be able to accept

the reality of that loss.

Who's interviewing you, Kurt?

Get our questions answered

to the extent that they can be

and to basically surrender

to the things

that we can't have answered.

And how would I know

when I'd found it?

I appreciate you doing this

for him.

'Cause I know he talked

about you a lot.

- He'd talk about you.

- Really?

Well, then, you're not

a good moviemaker, huh?

'Cause that's what

he always told me.

I know he loved you.

And then to be able

to continue to live

remembering the person.

To be able to remember their

life, not only their death.

No, no, no.

I can feel it.

It's not far off.

It's too late.

I didn't want to stop making

this movie.

That would mean I'd learned

everything there was to know

and finished

my one last movie with him.

Earl Grollman says grief is

love's unwillingness to let go.

He doesn't like to wave goodbye.

I'll miss you.

- Well, I'll be going.

- Bye.

One more time.

And action!

It is my brother

that got married here tonight.

One more time.

And action!

This is your Uncle Kurt.

One more time.

And action!

When the person says,

"Life will never be

the same again, will it?"

they now know where they are

and what's involved

in moving forward.

There were so many stories

I wanted to tell you.

And somewhere

I hope you're watching.

I almost gave up making

this film when you were killed.

I couldn't see the point

anymore.

But something kept me going.

And then one day I realized

what it was.

This film was no longer

a letter to you.

It was now a letter

to someone else.

We thought

we'd go get Andrew,

get everything organized,

whatever,

and then kill ourselves,

'cause no point in going on.

Everybody always says,

"What would be the difference

if one person weren't alive?"

You've still got a hell of a lot

to live for,

and you've still got a lot

of friends and a lot of family

who love you very, very much.

You are the most amazing and...

I love both of you.

...the strongest people

I've ever known.

- I love you guys.

- I love them very much.

- I love them very much.

- I love them very much.

Now, how am I gonna do this

without weeping?

I admire you and respect you

so much for two things.

One, for such a wonderful

young man that you raised.

It doesn't matter what happened.

They raised a wonderful man.

Thanks for bringing such a

wonderful person into the world.

You know,

Andrew contributed a lot to me

as far as who I am today.

We won't forget their son.

...and for having the strength

to make it through

something like this.

With what you've been through,

to still be carrying on,

still to hold your heads up and

keep going and pushing forward

is amazing.

They've done it in such a way

that it makes you proud

to know them

and to be related to them.

I think God put some people

down on Earth

just to be examples

for the rest of us.

You are two very,

very special people.

There's a few things in my life

that have had an effect on me

like those two people.

I don't know how else.

I love them.

- We love you.

- Well, we love them.

- We're always thinking of you.

- And I think about them daily.

My thoughts are never far

from either of you.

I love them and pray for them.

God's blessings on them both.

Oh, they know I love them.

I feel very blessed, as I say,

to be among their friends.

I just thank them for being

my friends for 30-odd years.

We're very lucky to have them

as our neighbors

and our true friends.

God bless you guys and call me.

And as one of Andrew's

very good friends told us

very soon after he was murdered,

we still have children.

Kurt, Matt, Chris,

on down the list.

I feel like I got lucky in life

'cause they're another set

of parents.

Kate and David were a big reason

why I am the person

that I am today.

We're all their kids.

I'll always be there

for you guys.

And I love you both dearly.

We all love you guys so much.

There's really nothing

that I wouldn't do for them.

Do you feel better?

Do you feel better?

Yeah.

Yeah, you make me feel better.

I know that no matter what,

you're going to find ways

to continue to help people

because that's the type

of people you are.

That's how good you are.

I just hope

that Dave and Kate realize

how much he loved them,

because just in the short

period of time that I knew him,

that was the one truth

that I knew to be absolute.

I'm glad I wasn't

a rebellious youth,

because it would have been

completely and utterly

f***ing wasted

on David and Kate Bagby.

I mean, totally.

I had my ear pierced

for two weeks.

They never noticed.

I'm finally sitting

at the dinner table,

and I actually said to them,

I'm like,

"You know, Mom, Dad,

it's a good thing

I'm not looking for attention

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