Deathgasm
- NOT RATED
- Year:
- 2015
- 86 min
- 612 Views
- You know that evil
Heavy Metal
that your parents hate
you listening to?
You know those lyrics
about hell and doom,
demons ripping you
new orifices to sh*t out of?
What if I told you
it's all reel?
I know...
I was there.
- But wait.
Lets start at the beginning.
It all started in Greypoint,
the middle of ass-f*** nowhere.
I had to shift here
after my mum
went on a massive meth bender,
and tried to suck off
a Santa Claus
in a crowded mall.
Mum got sent to a mental ward
and I got stuck with my uncle.
- My Uncle Albert
was balls deep into Jesus.
was heavy.
Disembowel/ed Corpse,
and he hasn't slept for days.
I brought about
the end of the world.
Biggest dick move ever.
- Stop struggling.
- Ow.
- It won't fit.
- Ow. Ow.
- Get up there. Oh...
- This is Dion.
- And that is probably the
least embarrassing orifice
that dice has been shoved into.
- Wait...
Yes, it's in!
- And this
is my d*ckhead cousin.
- Hey, David...
- He's hospitalized
more nerds than asthma.
your sheets this morning.
You sh*t the bed or something?
- F***in' devil-worshiper.
I can't wait until my dad
kicks you out on the streets
and you've got to blow
truck drivers for food
like your psycho mum.
His Mum is a psycho.
- Ow.
- You all right, man?
Here's your dice.
- It's actually a die.
Dice is plural.
Um, and it's a D10. But...
- Thanks.
- Jesus.
Who's that?
- Oh, Medina Darcy.
- Number one cause
of awkward boners in Greypoint.
- Ahhh... no, dude.
- What do you mean "no"?
- No way are you tapping that.
Chicks like that, they don't
go out with metalheads,
they bang apes
like your cousin.
Forget her, man.
At lunchtime,
do you want to do something
completely badass?
And that's...
...eight points
of non-lethal damage.
Exceeds your HP;
your cleric is unconscious.
- No f***ing way.
How is it still breathing?
I cast a fireball.
- You cast it at a Fire Troll.
It's immune to fire.
- This is bullshit.
- Well, that's Giles.
He was once suspended
for violating the
CPR training dummy.
- I'm the DM, Giles.
What I say goes, okay?
I am the law.
- Yeah, this is
your problem, Dion.
- Okay, yeah.
- This is why no woman
will - will talk to you.
- Hey, do you know what?
has just amassed around
your dead body.
And one of them
is humping your foot.
How do you like that?
- How - how...
Metal is the way
- Ah!
Hey.
- F***in' nerds.
- Oh Jesus.
It's piss.
- They - they sprayed us
with piss.
Again!
- Oh, the Player's Guide
is totally ruined.
- My friends are losers,
to christen me in my sleep,
and I'm drenched in my
cousin's bodily fluids.
- X minus one...
X plus one...
Good work, Brodie.
Nice technique.
Great shading on the
demon penises.
Ah.
Ha, is that me
having hot pokers
stuffed up my rectum
by skeletons?
- Yes, sir.
- Mmm.
Nice likeness.
Very detailed.
Two weeks detention.
- Silence!
- So, that's me, Brodie.
- Thus, X 6, X 5...
- F*** my life.
- F***ing late again.
Oh, Christ, it's my
Satanist cousin Brodie.
Look at that ugly loner.
I'm gonna make his life
hell on earth.
- Wow.
That's really cool, David.
Can you please
take me home now?
- I thought we'd take
a drive or something.
- Okay,
It's hard to believe,
isn't really a turn on.
- There was only one
Alien Records.
Byron sold the sickest vinyl,
while his psychic girlfriend,
Abigail,
told fortunes to
bored housewives
How are things, kid?
- Things are shitty.
- Check it out.
- Oh, Haxan Sword?
Epic.
- Yeah, man.
It's only one of
666 ever printed;
numbered in blood
Metal vinyl is over there
by that kid.
- F***, yes.
Now that's a record, man.
- Yeah.
I've actually been after
that one for a while.
I'm Brodie, by the way.
- Zakk.
- After I met Zakk,
my life changed.
- My mother was gonna
call me "Storm," though.
- Rad.
- I know.
- He was a
tornado of chaos,
leaving, ah,
a trail of destruction
and teen pregnancies
in his wake.
- Zakk got expelled after
stabbing a kid
with a math compass
because he stepped on his
King Diamond tape.
Or was it a setsquare?
He used to help his
Dad at the car workshop.
But mainly he just stole
anything not bolted on
and then unbolted the rest.
- Yeah. F*** you too, Bono.
- Hey man...
...you want to do
something crazy?
- It's not role-playing is it'?
- What the f***
is role-playing?
- Zakk played bass
so we started a band.
- Hey.
This is, ah, Giles and Dion.
- Hey.
- Hey.
What are we called?
- Um... Murder Boner?
- Toothed Vagina.
- Oh, Maggot Sperm.
- Cannibal Unicorn.
- How about like,
thirteen S's.
You know, like...
- Got it. Got it.
DEATHGASM.
All spelled in capitals.
Lower case is for pussies.
- Cool. What about...
- I f***in' said...
DEATHGASM!
- Solo!
F***in' shred it!
- Dude, I thought you said
you could play.
- Sorry.
Ah... I can. I can.
I'm just - I'm -
I'm just rusty.
All right. From the top.
- What?
Just mixing it up.
- Where are we going?
- It's a surprise.
- What's the hell is that for?
- Dude, chill out.
It's fine.
- All right.
You stay here.
You're lookout.
- What?
- Sh*t.
Zakk?
Zakk?
- Oh sh*t!
- Did you sh*t yourself?
- Nice surprise.
- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're an accomplice, mate.
Don't puss out on me now.
Come on.
Check it out.
- Oh sh*t.
- Man, these guys were legends
back in the day.
Check it out.
- Oh.
Rikki Daggers.
- He was a maniac.
Didn't he used to kill
live rabbits on stage
with a crowbar?
- No, man.
It was a claw hammer.
- Wonder what
happened to him?
- Spent all his money
on coke,
hookers and Satanist sh*t.
Last I heard he was
hiding out in some small,
crappy New Zealand town.
- No f***in' way.
- Yes f***in' way.
No f***in' way.
- Rikki F***in'
Daggers, man.
- Shh.
Hey, this way.
- Holy f***.
Look at those amps.
- Ah, they're old as hell.
Probably all busted.
- Is that...?
It's him.
Is he dead?
I bags that record.
Dude, that's low.
- I can go much lower.
- Shh.
Come on.
- Check it out.
- No f***in' way.
- Motherf***er!
- Whoa!
- Dude. Dude. Dude.
Dude...
- The record!
Drop it!
Kick it back.
Right. What the f***
- Chill.
- Are you two c*nts...
- doing in my house?!
- Let's get out of here.
Come on.
- Don't you f***in' move.
- Aeon sent you,
didn't he?
- When are you
occultist c*nts
ever gonna f***in learn?
- No, we're just - we're just
metalheads.
We're fans.
Well, how did you find me?
You were outed.
- Oh f***.
F***!
We're all gonna die.
- Sh*t, someone's coming!
- Here. Take it.
Take it!
Hide it and guard it
with your life.
- Come on, let's bail.
- Let's bail.
- F***.
- So you f***ers
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"Deathgasm" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 8 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/deathgasm_6606>.
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