Deathtrap
- PG
- Year:
- 1982
- 116 min
- 2,328 Views
[Hushed voices
in the background]
[Grunts]
Aah.
Cooperative as ever,
abigail.
Woman, whispering: it's
the worst play i've ever seen.
Man, whispering:
i can't believe
Sidney bruhl wrote it.
Good evening,
mr. Bruhl.
How'd it go?
Man on tv:
you want to be alone.
[Audience laughing
and applauding]
Man on tv:
the lines are trouble.
But you don't
have to look your best.
[Audience laughing]
Ohh.
[Telephone rings]
Aah!
Ohh. Sidney?
Darling?
Oh, darling,
i've been so anxious!
How's it going?
What do you mean
it's a disaster?
Oh, sidney, you always
think that on opening night.
Of course
it's not a disaster.
They're laughing,
aren't they?
Sidney...
Are they laughing?
Sweetheart...
Sidney...
They're not laughing
at all?
[Clack]
My god. Who could
ever have believed
It would
end this way?
Who?
Who?!
[Applause]
Well, bruhl,
you want to know who?
I'll tell you who.
My lawyer,
My accountant,
My proctologist,
Even my goddamn wife.
Yeah, she told me,
she said, "you produce
"Another crock by
that putz sidney,
You deserve
to go broke."
Even my goddamn wife!
She should know, seymour.
It's her money.
Putz!
Listen, pal,
you and me
Been in this business
a long time, right?
Long enough to know it ain't
your opening night crowd
That hands down
the verdict.
So just relax, kid.
Count your loot,
And drink
your orange blossom.
Thanks, burt.
The critics are gonna
love you, mr. Bruhl.
You got my promise, ok?
Here we go.
[Turns on tv]
Man:
our drama critic,stewart klein.
Sidney bruhl's new play,
Which opened tonight
at the music box,
Is billed
as a comedy-Thriller.
So much for truth
in advertising.
[Tv knob clicking]
Well, theater lovers,
there is bad news tonight.
Bad sets, bad costumes,
bad direction, bad actors,
And from playwright
sidney bruhl,
A spectacularly
bad play.
Well, sidney bruhl's
new whodunit murder most fair
Opened tonight
at the music box.
But there's no point
in you folks going there,
'Cause i'm gonna tell you
who done it.
Sidney bruhl done it.
And what's inexcusable
is he done it in public.
Well, they weren't
real raves, sidney,
But they certainly
weren't what i call bad.
I'm doing the only
sensible thing!
I'm getting pissed!
And i'll see you
in easthampton in the morning.
Conductor:
easthampton.Easthampton.
Cabby:
that'll be $52.Aah!
Oh!
Every time i come in
this bloody house,
You scream!
I have just been to
the worst opening night
Of my bloody life--
And that is
no small boast--
I was called a putz
by seymour starger,
And i had to come back home
on the bloody train!
Why didn't you take
a limousine?
Because i can no longer
afford a bloody limousine!
Of course you can. I can,
and everything i have is yours.
Don't you understand?!
I want to pay for my own
bloody limousines!
Myra, i have had 4 bombs
in a row!
And you know, they deserved
to bomb, because they stank!
Murder most fair
was total sh*t!
Because i'm written out.
Out!
I can no longer cut it,
my darling.
Do you know what happened
to me tonight?
I passed out
in the train,
And i came to in
the terminus at montauk!
End of the line!
Bloody symbolic.
My christ...
This has been some kind
of walpurghisnacht.
Oh, darling.
Oh.
Darling, i won't let you
do this to yourself.
Darling, listen to me.
Darling, you're a wonderful,
wonderful writer!
You are just going through
a streak of bad luck!
And! And to add bloody
insult to injury,
This came to the theater
tonight. Tonight!
What, darling? What?
This is what.
A thriller in 2 acts.
One set, 5 characters.
A juicy murder in act one,
terror in act two.
An ironic and
astonishing resolution,
Good dialogue, laughs
in all the right places,
Very, very commercial,
and easy to cast!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Darling, what's funny?
What's funny?
I'll tell you
what's bloody funny!
It was written by some
ignorant, infant a**hole
In the seminar i gave
last year at college,
Name of...
Clifford anderson.
Oh, li-Listen to this.
Listen to this.
Uh, blah blah blah,
"...Without your guidance
and inspiration..."
Uh, blah blah blah,
"...Therefore,
it is only fitting
"That you should be
the first person to read it.
"If you find it..."
Blah blah blah,
"...Your own great work, i'll
consider my time well spent,
"And the fee
for the seminar
More than adequately
rewarded."
Oh, my darling, that's
very nice. Touching.
"P.S.
"P.S. Please excuse
the carbon copy.
"The local xerox machine
is on the fritz,
"And i couldn't stand
the thought
"Of waiting a few days
to send my firstborn child
Off to its spiritual
father."
Ohh.
Would 'ems wike
to frow up?
Oh.
Little son of a b*tch
even types well.
[Breathing heavily]
Wait a minute.
Not so little.
I think
i remember him.
Obese.
Yes, i do
remember him.
He was the glandular case
that sat in the front
And never took his piggy
little eyes off me.
Darling, is it
really that good?
Is--Is it really
that good?
It couldn't be,
could it?
I mean, a first attempt
by a total amateur?
I'll tell you
how good that is.
Even a gifted director
couldn't hurt it.
Myra?
Darling, this is just--
Do you realize this is
the first opening night ever
That i couldn't be with you?
Darling, i felt so bad.
Darling,
i was so anxious.
I know, darling.
I should have given
more thought
About you
being left at home.
Myra?
Yes, darling?
Myra. Myra.
Yes?
I must be able
to trust you, darling.
Oh.
You cannot smoke.
You know that,
don't you?
You taking your pills?
No.
Now, everything's
going to be all right
Provided you take
reasonable precautions.
Don't make me
worry about you
Every time you're
out of my sight.
Oh, darling,
i am so sorry,
But i was so anxious.
That's not
your job, anxiety.
Anxiety's my job,
you got that?
I've got that, darling.
Myra:
how does mr. Anderson'splay read when you're sober?
It's worse
than i thought.
It's flawless.
So...so maybe you should
do something about it.
What i should do
is beat the fat bastard
Over the head with
that mace over there,
Bury him in a hole
Big enough to
accommodate his bloat,
And then send his
little masterpiece off
Under my own name.
There's the best idea
i've had in 10 years.
Yes, darling,
It's so unfair,
isn't it?
Hmm?
I mean, what's the point
in owning a mace
If you don't use it?
[Laughs]
Darling, do you know what
i was thinking last night?
Why don't you
produce the play?
I mean, you've been involved
in production for over 20 years.
You certainly know
as much about it
As someone
like seymour starger.
Darling, though
i might be capable
Of killing
clifford anderson,
I am not up
to the criminal behavior
Of a broadway producer.
I daresay not.
Well, have you thought
about collaboration?
I don't want any help in
killing clifford anderson.
I want to strike
the blow myself.
Darling, seriously.
Have you thought about
collaborating on the play?
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"Deathtrap" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/deathtrap_6611>.
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