Deathtrap Page #10

Now, the next bit

is less strenuous

And very brief.

Glad to hear it.

Uh, come up here.

Now

i'm the detective...

And you're julian.

Ok.

Now take the ax

off the wall.

Uh, this one?

Yeah.

Ok.

No, it doesn't look

natural that way.

Well, it feels

natural this way.

Uh, try it the other way.

The other way.

No, it really doesn't

feel natural this way.

Put it back the way

you had it, then.

Ok.

Yeah, feels--

Feels better

this way.

Good.

Uh, i'll tell you

what, cliff,

Put the ax

down on the floor.

Stand very still,

clifford.

We're going

to say good-Bye.

This weapon

from gunpoint...

Is now full of

live bullets, luv.

I loaded it myself

last night.

I just can't have

the play written, cliff.

And i honestly

cannot think

Of any other way

to stop you but this.

And i do not wish to join

All the ex-Mistresses

of ex-Presidents

And former cia assassins

And happy hookers

Lining up to--

To tell tom snyder

And phil donahue

how it was.

That's not my style.

It's just not me,

is it, luv?

It's not going to be

you either, luv,

Spending the next

At crappy jobs

for no money.

You have got a very firm

grip on unreality, sid.

you're written out,

You're

practically broke.

I'm afraid i told you

a little fib.

Between the insurance

which arrived a few days ago,

And what myra really left,

I'll have about

a million dollars.

Plus, of course,

This quite

valuable property.

And i do hope to have

another hit play someday.

Hope springs eternal.

You sh*t! You'll never

get away with this.

Why not?

Such wildly extenuating

circumstances.

I asked porter to have you

checked out in riverhead,

Do a serious rundown.

And i spent this evening

listening to his report.

Porter was shocked,

Very disturbed at this possibly

quite dangerous young man

I had innocently

taken into my place.

Porter insists that the sooner

i send you packing,

The better.

So i come home,

And i give you your notice.

But you become

abusive and violent.

Luckily,

i get to the gun.

I'm truly sorry, cliff.

I shall miss you.

You opened up

certain doors for me,

And for that i'm grateful.

Oh, god.

This is going to be even

harder than i expected.

Good-Bye, clifford.

Bye, sidney.

[Click]

[Click]

[Click]

Bang bang.

Sorry the click is so

anticlimactic, sidney,

But i needed the bullets

from that gun...

For this one.

Now sit down,

dum-Dum. Sit down!

Right in that chair,

thank you.

Reversal, sidney.

Remember?

You stressed it in

the seminar, first day.

But you see,

the problem was,

I had this terrific

first act--

I just couldn't think

of what came next.

You see, dialogue's

a snap for me,

But i still have little

problems with plotting.

And that was

very frustrating,

Particularly because i'm

sharing bed and board

With the old

master plotter himself.

Let's see.

I think you're

about a 42 regular.

You can put your gun

down, sidney.

Unlock them, please.

[Thunder]

Ha.

It's corny

but effective.

Well, there i am

with my problem.

See, sidney's not

going to help me--

Well, not voluntarily.

This--I know that

from square one,

'Cause sidney uses

And 4 kinds

of deodorant--

Not for him the whiff

of scandal.

But i think to myself,

Is there a way that

maybe i can harness

That 17-Jewel brain

And get it to work

for me all unwittingly?

So i go on

drafting act one,

And every time

i leave the room,

I put it inconspicuously

in the drawer. Ha ha.

So inconspicuously

in fact,

That for a day

and a half,

Smart old sidney

doesn't even notice.

And then dull old porter

comes in

And twigs right away.

Oh, what a relief.

So, on we go

with my scenario.

You rifling my desk,

Confronting me

with the evidence,

Et cetera, et cetera,

et cetera.

You're a prick,

you know that?

Duh, sticks

and stones, sidney.

Ha. Hey, sidney,

here we are, huh?

Bruhl and anderson.

Now, i write,

and sidney thinks.

Hmm.

And i really

don't sleep much.

Uh, last night,

for example,

I hardly got a wink

With all your elephantine

tiptoeing around.

Tin pan alley

dialogue?

God, do you think

i'm stupid?

That was

dummy dialogue, dummy!

To keep you comfy

while you're plotting.

For every wooden line

i wrote there,

There's an aerial one

up here.

I am going to burn this sh*t

myself when i leave here.

Now you give me

the key, please.

And you put them on.

Oh, and i do thank you

for act two, sidney,

But we're not going to have

a long island detective.

Julian's lawyer

is the fifth character.

Julian finds out

in scene one

That victor is actually

writing the real deathtrap

About doris' murder.

He pretends that he

will collaborate--

Through the arm

of the chair.

Don't be stupid.

Put the handcuffs through

the arm of the chair.

Thank you.

Yes. Old julian pretends

that he will collaborate.

Meanwhile,

he has his lawyer

Do some checking up

on victor,

Knowing that there are

some charges to be found...

Most of them

very, very unfair.

Scene 2...

Julian sets victor up

For what will look like

a murder in self-Defense

By getting him to

act out bits of business

From the play.

Unh! Unh! Uhh!

God, that's nice,

sidney!

I mean, wow!

That is simple.

It is workable.

It's gonna play.

I'm really

in your debt.

So, julian

shoots victor,

Who's a handsome,

charming, wonderful kid

That julian has

led astray, seduced--

You big creep.

Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah.

But at the very

next moment,

Inga van bronk

and the lawyer come in.

See, she's called him

Because she's been getting

bad vibes all night.

They met

at doris' funeral.

Now, victor lives

just long enough

To tell the truth

about himself and julian...

And about doris' funeral.

And then...

Julian shoots himself...

Curtain.

Is that it?

What do you mean,

"is that it"?

They're both dead, dummy.

The play is over.

Julian shoots himself?

That's exceedingly

feeble, clifford.

I'd be glad to think

about it some more.

No, no. That's ok.

I can fill in the holes.

Now, here's

the big surprise, sidney.

Are you ready?

[Gasps]

I'm not gonna kill you.

Ha.

Hey, i just wanted

a hit play. Ha ha.

And i'm really not

the total sociopath

That you'd like to think.

Sidney, i'm gonna pack,

i'm gonna call a cab,

And i really hope that

i can get one in this storm

Because otherwise you're going

to have to sit there all night.

When the cab is safely

at the door...

I'm going to

give you the key

And unlock one wrist.

You will tell people

that you gave me my notice.

I accepted it with grace.

But if you hassle me

in any way,

You will be opening up

a very messy can of worms.

If you don't bother me

Between now and the opening

of deathtrap,

I'll say, "well, yes,

i got the idea years ago.

"I worked for sidney bruhl

for a few weeks, but i left...

"'Cause i was so depressed

"At the way he kept humping

beautiful women...

Out of grief

for his wife."

[Thunder]

Electrical effects

by god himself.

So long, sidney.

It's really been

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