Deconstructing Harry

l never could start|one those fires.

Dad, are you gonna have|chicken or meat?

Chicken's fine.

This is a brilliant article.|Norman!

-You read Ken's article on China?|-No, l haven't.

Terrific article.

And where is Ken?

He's in the house|watching the Yankee game.

Your husband comes for a day|in the country.

And heads straight|forthe TV set.

Ken, come on honey!

How many chicken?|How many hamburgers?

Two more outs. Three minutes.

Everybody's dying for a libation.

Make some of your famous|Stoli martinis.

Janet, when are you going|to have a child?

You've let your sister have a|big head start.

Let Leslie practice viola 6 hours|a day. lt's not so easy.

Leave her alone.

l came in to make drinks|for everybody.

-What are you doing? Want a drink?|-Sure.

l was.

This is nuts!

We gotta get out of here.

What? No, we'll get caught.

l see them by the lake.

They're deep in conversation.

Wait! There's Janet!

No. lt's okay.

You can't scare me like that.

l grind my teeth. Just don't|scare me like that.

Just a false alarm.

Listen, try not to actually chew.

Wouldn't it be great|to be off alone.

Just relaxed. You and me.

lt'd be so great.

Let's hang in. You never know.

Come on, open wide.

Turn the Yankee game off and|come out here now!

l will. Just one minute.|lt's almost over.

l'm done.

-Come any time you want.|-Can l?

l'm done!

l'm ready!

Leslie, is that you?

Can you lead me|down to the lake?

Just a minute, Grandma.

l'm making some martinis.

-Sure, dear.|-l want to finish.

Ken? ls that you?

Finish what?

Hello!

-Come, Ken.|-Come?

Come, lead me to the lake.

Ever since l lost my second eye...

l feel so frail.

You don't have to moan.|lt's not that terrible.

Ken is hurrying, Grandma.

Would you do the olives?|Could you do them quickly?

You can use onions, too.

l prefer onions,|don't you, Ken?

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Boy, you must really|love onions!

-Lucy?|-You schmuck! You bastard!

l'd like to cut your head off.

You're upset, right?

You knew what'd happen!

What are you talking about?

Don't answer me, prick!

You knew! You just didn't|give a sh*t!

Take your coat off.

How could you write that book?

Are you so selfish...

you don't give a sh*t|who you destroy?

-l can tell you're angry.|-You told our whole story!

You gave me away to my sister!

Marvin's left me. He's gone.

lt was loosely based on us.

Don't bullshit me, motherf***er!

Do you think you're talking...

to one ofthose retarded|talk show hosts?

l lived through it with you.|l know how loosely based it is.

What, are you telling me your|blind grandmother...

caught us f***ing?

Never!

Of course, you made a few|stupid exaggerations.

or, as the critics say:|"inspired comic flights".

But Jane recognized it.|You'd have to be sub-mental not to.

And Marvin was crushed!

Jane has suspected us for so long.

l know! And l denied it!

And now, you've gone...

and confirmed it all for her!

Big f***ing deal!|You made Leslie shorter!

Big f***ing deal!

But it's all here!

The schmuck country doctor,|the violinist...

her sister in Connecticut|cheating with her husband.

The picture window, for Chrissake!

Cruel observations about Marvin...

and his barbecue and chef's hat.

And of course, Jane,|or as you so pathetically...

disguise her...

Janet.

Here it is:

"lt was not just that Leslie|was numbed...

with the spate of leaden|perceptions...

that passed for wit from Marvin.

Nor was the image|she shared with Ken...

of Marvin's flaccid|microscopic member...

jiggling up and down|as he tiptoed naked...

across the icy floor|oftheir home...

to close the storm windows.

lt was that she|had never loved him...

but she wanted children to retaliate|against her sister...

who was not maternal, and whose|every inch, Leslie felt...

was occupied by gluttonous|self-love.

Ken fondled Leslie's large breasts,|mounting her from the rear."

Big f***ing deal!

-You gave her large breasts!|-Leslie...

Lucy!

l'm Lucy, motherf***er!

Not Leslie!

Except of course,|l am Leslie...

because you didn't disguise it!|You didn't give a f***!

You didn't care enough|to disguise it!

Please!

You pulled out two years ago.|You broke my f***ing heart.

You left yourwife and me...

for some little cooze!

Me and Janet!

Jane. Janet is the character|in the book.

Now...

two years later...

your latest magnum opus...

emerges from this sewer of|an apartment...

where you take our suffering|and turn it into gold...

literary gold!

Everyone's misery,|you even cause misery...

and use your alchemy...

to turn it into gold, like|some f***ing black magician!

l'm the one who|wound up in Bellevue.

You deserve it and worse.

You ruined my life!|l'll blow my brains out!

What's wrong with you?

ln front of you...

because you caused it.|My brains on your carpet!

You're unstable!

Will you relax?

That's why l turn you on.|Jane's crazy sister.

You're not going to kill yourself.

No. you're not,|because it's not in you.

You're never were|the dramatic type.

Jane is the dramatic sister.|Jane is the solo violinist.

Relax, for Christ's sake.

You're right.

l don't have the nerve|to kill myself.

l knew it as l came over here...

l said no.

Not me.

Better to kill him.

Pardon me?

Kill the black magician.

So he can't spin any more|gold out of human misery.

What's wrong with you?

Shut up!

-Put it down.|-You're so f***ing verbal.

You talked me into giving you..

a blowj*b at|my father's funeral!

You stop right there!

Don't pull the trigger!

lf it makes you happy, my life's|been going badly.

l've been miserable. My girl|left me for a friend of mine.

lnsomnia. l've got herpes.

l squandered all l have|on shrinks...

and lawyers and whores.

Fatigue syndrome.

l won't stand up here on this|f***ing roof...

with aworld-class meshugana|c*nt and beg for my life...

lf you want, shoot me!|You interrupted me...

-Whose life were you exploiting today?|-You'll be happy.

lt was re-writing.

An autobiographical thing from|when l was first married.

Harvey Stern married too young...

to escape his parent's apartment,|arent-controlled cornucopia...

of guilt, and|sou-deadening criticism.

By day, he labored in a shoe store.

By night, he glowed intensely over|his Remington portable.

Are you coming to bed?

l'm in the middle of a sentence.

-l lost my thread.|-l feel rejected.

We never sleep together anymore.

l don't knowwhat it is.|l'm just not attracted to her.

-What does she do to put you off?|-lt's my fault, too.

l lie, telling her|l'm too wrapped up in work...

when l'm actually hyper-sexually|aroused. Just not for her.

Who for?

Anyone else.

Shehas a sister.|l'm dying to fuckher.

A doll, thicklips.

Her friend Jennifer?.|l dream of her.

l never cared about African|history but she's spellbinding.

The truth is,|l never see a woman..

that l dont wonder|what she's like in bed.

l met a great hooker!

A hooker?

Beautiful. From China.

Unbelievable body.

Schooled by tradition|in the art of pleasing men.

Fifty clams.

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