Deconstructing Harry Page #8

l'd love to hear it.|Sounds amazing.

l'm writing a novel.|l'll tell you about it.

l'm not into the Amazon.|Know what the Amazon is?

Tiny little heads with|lips sewn together.

Can you picture him this way?

We'll take you to dinner tonight.

l'm single, available,|with the soul of a black man!

l smell sulfur.|Do you smell sulfur?

Hilly, did you open|the chemistry set?

Look!|We're almost there.

Hilly, wake up.

Wake up. We're almost|at the university.

Dad's being honored.|Limited as my curriculum was.

-Richard, we're there. 5 minutes.|-Wake up.

Something's wrong.

What's the matter?

l don't think he's breathing!

He's dead!

What?

l was at the doctor's with him.|They said his heart was fine.

l'm scared.

Don't be scared, Hilly.

l'm fine, Dad.

Death is a natural part of life.|You have to embrace them both.

What are we gonna do?

l don't know.|Get back in the car.

l don't want to|sit next to him.

Welcome to Adair University.|l'm Professor Higgins.

We certainly hope you had|a very pleasant trip here.

Would you like some refreshments?

ls he all right?

He's dead. You got one of|them rubber bags?

We've made arrangements|forthe body...

to be delivered to New York City.

l don't think he has|any immediate family.

lf you prefer,...

we can call off the proceedings.

-l think that's the best idea.|-No!

l do.

He'll be all right.|He's here for a purpose.

l'll see that...

the funeral comes off.

l'll see that he's buried...

properly.

l understand.

Poor Richard!

The poor guy!

l'm not gonna make it.|l can't go on.

Not if you keep drinking|and popping those pills.

l can't believe this.

My school honors me. l turn up|with a hooker and a dead body.

Take it easy. You're getting|all wound up about nothing.

Look at me.

Look! l'm out of focus!

You look a little pale,|but you're all right.

l'm out of focus. l'm soft!

Calm down. They'll be here|any minute.

lt's humiliating. They're gonna|honor me and l'm a blob.

You look fine.

l'll be sitting|on the dais there, eating.

They'll get seasick|and throw up.

Hold my hand.|Now, relax.

You wanted your son|to see you get honored...

and now you're acting|like a jackass.

But don't you see?|l'm a huge blur.

You're gonna be all right.|l'll talk you down.

l've seen all kinds of guys O.D.|Heroin, acid, crack.

l didn't take any ofthat.|l have nothing.

But you're a pill popper.

That's not what it is.

lt's me. l'm OD'ing on myself.

-l'm a sh*t.|-Have some coffee.

l don't want any coffee.|l'm a sh*t.

Talk to me about something.

You like sports?

Sports? Yeah.|l was a pitcher.

When the guy crowded the plate,|l'd throw at his head.

l'm the worst person|in the world.

-Honey, l've seen worse.|-Who's worse than me?

Hitler!

Maybe Hitler, Goering|and Goebbels, but l'm fourth.

Come on. Hold my hand.

-Can you feel my hand?|-Yes, it's warm.

See? lt's just panic.|You're not a blob.

l'm going to get over this.

l'm having a panic attack.

What sports do you like?

l like them all. l like baseball,|l like basketball.

l was married to a woman|who looked like Max Schmeling.

No, l'm not joking.

All right. lt's time.

l can't get through this|without you. l mean it.

Don't worry about it.

-lf you didn't come with me...|-Don't worry. Come on.

Straighten up.

l gotta get atie.|l gotta get my tie.

All right. Let's go.

Are you ready to be|immortalized by Adair?

We all know your work and characters.|Even the obscure ones.

Good reading is|a creative act.

Are you working on anything...

something we can|sink our teeth into?

l'm in the midst of writing...

a thing on the Devil|who kidnaps a man's true love...

and takes her down to Hell...

and he goes to retrieve her.

Since it's Hell, l'm able to...

settle lots of old scores.

What's the man like?

lt's me, thinly disguised.

ln fact, l don't think l should|disguise it anymore.

lt's me.

Floor five...

muggers, aggressive panhandlers|and bookcritics.

Floor six...

right wing extremists, killers,|lawyers who appearon TV.

Floor seven...

the media.

Sorry, that floor is|all filled up.

Floor eight...

escaped war criminals,|TV evangelists and the NRA.

Lowest level...

everybody off.

What did you do?

l invented aluminum siding.

Dad!

Get me out. This is terrible.

You know how l hate|hot weather.

What is he doing here?

He's condemned to|eternal suffering.

Help me!

l don't understand.|l demand to know the charges.

"Behaved unconscionably|toward his son.

Said the boy committed a|capital crime by being born."

Your wife, they told me,|is dead.

But your son, he's thriving.

Why did he fight|not to be born?

Look, l forgive him.

What's over is over.

lt's finished. Let him|go to heaven, please.

l'm a Jew! We don't|believe in heaven.

-Where do you want to go?|-To a Chinese restaurant.

Take him to Joy Luck.|l love him despite everything.

Looking for someone?

l'm here to get Fay.

She's not coming with you.

Because you're the head|of the underworld...

you can abduct her|and get away with it?

l'm going to kidnap her back.

-What are you laughing at?|-You match your powers against mine?

-You want to knowwhy?|-Yeah, l do.

l'm sorry. Forgive me|for laughing.

Why?

l'm more powerful because|l'm a bigger sinner.

Because you're a fallen angel...

and l never believed in|God or Heaven of any of it.

l'm strictly quarks|and particles and black holes.

All the other stuff|is junk to me.

And also l do terrible things.

l've cheated on all my wives|and none ofthem deserved it.

l sleep with whores.

l drink too much and|l take pills...

and l lie and l'm|vain and cowardly...

and l'm prone to violence.

l once almost ran over|a book critic.

But l swerved at the last second.

You ever had two women at once?

Yes, l did. And l'll tell you|something else.

l didn't care it was exploitive.|And something else...

-They were sisters.|-Really?

Yes! They were two|blond WASP sisters.

-Not the Sherman twins?|-Yes, the Sherman twins!

They're here.

The Sherman twins are here?

Unbelievable!|Do you know Sandra Pepkin?

Do l know Sandra Pepkin? Only the|best blowj*b in the Hadassah.

So, if you know|Sandra Pepkin...

l f***ed her best friend,|the cripple. Pearl.

-Pearl in the wheelchair?|-Exactly.

Speaking of handicaps,|do you know Marie Taylor?

Yes, but her l don't count.|Marie Taylor is dyslexic.

She put her Tampax|in her nose.

-Ever f*** a blind girl?|-No, that l never did.

Oh, they're so grateful.

-Would you like a drink?|-You're terrible.

Could l get some tequila?

l've got great tequila.|Make yourself at home.

Want the air conditioner on?

-You're air-conditioned here?|-Sure. Fucks up the ozone layer.

l could be very comfortable here.

l'll tell you something:|l love it here.

l wouldn't be any place else.

-There you go.|-Thank you.

l've had job offers in your world,|but why be an employee?

Here, l'm my own boss.|l'm free.

What jobs did they offer?

For two years l ran|a Hollywood studio...

but you can't trust those people.

l agree. Better to rule|down here...

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