Deeper Page #2

we do the opposite.

My publisher talked

to your company.

Money might have exchanged

hands, it doesn't matter,

either way, I'm here

because you guys wanted

more publicity, right?

So if it's gonna be a no,

I'd rather know now,

before I have to see

your boy John naked.

- Oh, you want to

see John naked.

My dick is magnificent.

- It's up to you, man,

what do you think?

All right, chief, fire away.

Great.

Okay, so, where should we start?

How long you been employed?

- What, you didn't

do your homework?

It's three years.

Before that you were

in the film industry,

but I just needed

it for the record.

Bingo!

- How much money you guys

making off the website?

A lot.

What's a lot?

A lot is a lot, man.

Jesus Christ.

A lot's a lot.

What about you, John?

What got you into

the porn business?

- Mm, 'cause I get to

nail hot chicks all day.

That's why I do this sh*t.

Okay, what

about you, Steve?

What about me?

Why'd you start this business?

- 'Cause I get to film my

buddy Holmes Junior here?

Whoa, hell yeah, mothafucker!

- Why do you call

him Holmes Junior?

- Well, you know that

porn star John Holmes?

Yeah.

- Well, my dick is a quarter

of an inch shorter than his.

This close.

That's lovely.

So what about you, Mark?

- What, are you asking

my dick size too?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.

Check out this one.

Look at her ass, holy sh*t.

Up here.

Yeah, she has got a

serious case of RCA.

What's RCA?

- Raging cock

addiction, and bad.

Oh my god, wow.

Dude, we gotta

come back for her.

Yeah, we will,

just calm down, cowboy.

- So these girls that you

pick up off the street,

you rehearse with them

before you shoot, or...?

No, no rehearsals.

It's actually pretty simple.

We just pick them up, we

offer them some money,

they take off their clothes,

and Johnny-boy here

sticks them with his dick.

They f*** for a buck.

Exactly, yeah.

We can get them to do

anything we want them to do.

Come on.

Believe it, bro.

Yeah, see, the trick is

everybody else uses pros.

We're the only bona fide

amateur porn station.

The ladies agree out of

pure charm and seduction.

Seduction or manipulation?

Uh, seduction.

Okay, we'll call it seduction.

What kind of seduction

are we talking about?

- Well, that's why

you're here, Mark.

You're here to bear witness.

I, Steve Coulter, am the

most persuasive prick

in the business!

I'm the only guy with

100% amateur rating.

Like, you know how guys,

they're really good at math?

Or they can play the piano,

or painting the Sistine

Chapel or something?

They're blessed with

abilities that nobody knows

why they have them.

Ah, idiot savants?

He's funny.

- Yeah, I don't know

about the idiot part,

but savants, geniuses,

call it whatever you will,

but for whatever

reason, I was blessed

with the peerless

ability to get women

to take off their

clothes and f***.

I'm not good at

much, but at this,

I'm a f***ing ninja.

I am the master.

I could do it in my sleep.

I mean, I didn't

have you come here

to make me more money, man.

Look around.

We're doing fine.

I want someone to capture this

for pure posterity.

- Oh, hey, hey, whoa,

look at these two.

Whoa, wait, two?

Is there a problem?

- No, this is where

you watch and learn.

All right.

Hey,

excuse me, ladies.

Do you have a second?

What is it?

- We're film students

doing a documentary

on the neighborhood

and we were wondering

if we could ask you a

couple of questions?

Like a survey?

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Like a survey.

We could throw you a

little bit of cash.

We're kind of in a tough spot,

'cause we need to hand

it in by tomorrow.

All right.

Shoot.

All right. Well, just hop in.

In there?

- Yeah!

Yeah, in here.

Why not?

What did my parents say

about getting into

vans with strangers?

Oh, come on.

We're not kidnappers

or pedophiles,

we're just three handsome dudes.

What's the worst

that could happen?

All right, fine.

I'll offer you a little

bit more in cash, okay?

How's that look?

You like that?

Okay.

See? So easy, just hop in.

Beautiful. Thank you.

All right, well, I'm Steve,

this is John, and

this here is Mark.

Hi.

I'm Sam.

This is Beth.

So, what do you do?

I'm a writer.

For documentaries?

No, I'm a journalists.

- Yeah, actually, Mark here,

he writes the questions for us.

Ask me a question.

- Okay, why did

you choose to get

in a van full of strangers

for a bunch of money?

Education.

Of course.

Okay, okay, all right.

Johnny-boy, hit the gas.

Let's do this.

So, ladies.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Mark.

Let's get to know these

girls a little bit better.

Look at Sam. Isn't

she beautiful?

Sam, you're f***ing smoking hot,

if you don't mind me saying.

But I guess you hear that

all the time, don't you?

Yeah.

Yeah, I knew it.

So, are you from around here?

Born and raised.

All right, we got

ourselves another local.

Another local?

You guys do this often?

Sh*t.

You look familiar.

Really?

Yeah.

Have you ever been

on camera before?

Yeah, like something dirty?

You two know each other?

No.

- So, you guys

are all strangers?

You've never met?

Wanna get to know me?

- Yes, yes, Sam, I want

to get to know you.

To tell you the truth,

I couldn't give a sh*t

about getting a good grade

on this doc for school,

'cause now that you're a

couple burners in my van

and the camera

rolling, well, it's

it's got me thinking.

Could you two hold hands?

I'll pay extra.

- I thought this

was a documentary.

I have a nice secluded spot,

we could park and

nobody'll bother us.

- How much money are

we talking about?

Hold on.

Can you two make out?

I wanna know if you

two can make out,

and then we'll talk business.

You want us to kiss?

- You kind of want to kiss

each other, don't you?

Just close friends

getting closer.

I don't know.

This is pretty weird.

Well, it's a cliche, I mean,

you're in a van with a

bunch of guys who want to

watch you kiss your friend,

but I'm not asking you

to do anything dangerous.

I mean, isn't it on

your bucket list?

Do something naughty,

once in your life?

Feel your heart racing?

All right.

Sure.

All right.

Oh yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's nice.

That's really nice.

Nice.

That's really nice.

Okay, now do it again.

Okay, now how much

are you paying them for this?

- Hey, hey, hey, hey,

just let it be, all right?

And now we're in fantasy land.

Yeah, Steve.

How much are you

paying us for this?

Hold on.

Beth, can you pull

down Sam's top

and give her a

little kiss there?

I don't know.

Can't people see

through the windows?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

These windows are really tinted.

Maybe...

maybe somewhere else?

- Well, I gotta see

the merchandise first,

before I set value

if you catch my drift.

All right.

Atta girls.

Let's have some fun.

You like fun do you?

Oh, yes, yes I do.

Oh yeah.

Yeah, look at those little pups.

Beautiful, Sam, beautiful.

Okay, Beth, now it's your turn.

Okay.

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