Demon Knight
- R
- Year:
- 1995
- 92 min
- 1,227 Views
I did it, Jack. I did it.
And you know what?
It got me hot.
No, I'm not kidding.
You should have seen the look on Carl's
face when I buried that ax in his chest.
Ohh! Killing him was almost
better than sex.
I said almost, didn't I?
Ohhh! We are going
to have so much fun...
...spending all of his money,
aren't we, baby?
Oooh! Just thinking
about it gets me all...
...hot and squishy.
You mean right now?
He's in the basement
cooling off.
What took you so long?
Jesus, Jack, what kind
of cologne...
Cut!
Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!
What the hell are you doing?
You call that "hack-ting"?
Well, yes,
I do call it acting.
Well, let me tell you something.
You're no "Gorey" Cooper.
You ain't even
a Robert "Deadford. "
Another take like that and it'll
be back to bit parts for you.
And I won't say what bits
I'm talking about.
Huh! All right,
everybody. Reset!
Reset, guys.
Director?
Where the hell did
they dig this guy up?
I give and I give and I...
Oh!
Hello, kiddies.
So glad you could join me.
Your old pal the Crypt Keeper
has gone Hollywood in a big way.
Care to see what I've been
working on?
So if you're ready, creeps,
fasten your drool cups...
...and hold on to
your vomit bags.
We're going to the movies!
Frights! Camera!
Action!
I call this one...
Come on!
Son of a b*tch!
Come on,
you son of a b*tch!
Oh, sh*t!
Damn!
What ya doin', mister?
- Are you stealing my daddy's car?
- Stealin'?
No, I was testing the lock.
Seems to be working just fine.
You want a quarter?
How about a shiny new quarter?
You want one?
Dad, there's a guy outside
stealing your car!
Hey, Dad, hurry up.
Get out here!
Homer, go!
He's gone.
Boy, listen
to that thunder.
God's doing some
serious thinking tonight.
I'll bet he's saying...
"On second thought, maybe I should
have given it all to the monkeys. "
- Maybe it's not to late.
- I always hate drinking alone. You want a taste?
Sure.
To the monkeys.
It ain't very subtle,
but it does the trick.
You wouldn't happen to know of a place
where I could bed down, would you?
Well, it just
so happens, I do.
That's two cars, Sheriff?
That's right, Mavis.
One of 'em's got Maryland plates,
and the other one's from New Jersey.
Ten-four.
Ten-four.
You were right, Sheriff.
Them sons of b*tches must have
been doing well over a hundred.
Well, Bob, it's too late
to give them a ticket.
But, if it'll make you feel any
better, you can shoot their ashes.
What the...
Holy sh*t!
Hey, mister,
get away from there.
Where the hell you come
from? This is my car.
Was my car.
Did you see him?
Walking into town,
the guy I was chasing?
Air bags, gotta love 'em.
Did you see him?
- We didn't see anybody.
- Now wait a minute.
Are you telling me that guy over
there walked out of here too?
Where you goin'? You got
a few questions to answer.
Look, Officers, the man
I'm chasing is dangerous.
If he's in your town,
you got a problem.
traffic accident... Do you mind?
Something awful's about
to go down... Over there.
Is that where we're going?
It looks like a church.
That's it.
Used to be a church.
Ain't a church no more.
They decommissioned it in the
'50s, due to lack of interest.
Just the place
I've been looking for.
Gangway, I'm bringing
in business.
What kind of business?
a room of his own, Cordelia.
You been drinking,
Uncle Willy?
- I'm clean as a whistle, Irene.
- How long you wanting the room?
I don't know. One night,
maybe two. Depends.
I never rent short-term,
and I don't rent to strangers.
But I can make exceptions.
Okay.
Enjoy your stay,
Mr...
Mr. Smith.
Jeryline! Jeryline!
Jeryline, I mean now!
I'm trying
to clean your stove.
How do you expect me to get my
work done if you keep bothering me?
You've been working so hard
with them clean rubber gloves?
Show Mr. Smith
up to number five.
And then fix him some dinner.
And after that, I got
a few more jobs for you.
This time I'm gonna
watch you.
I want it right the first time,
and that's all there is to it.
It's my way
or the highway.
Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
What do I need to tell you?
What am I looking at?
Which way is town?
Town is that way,
and you're looking at nothing.
But I'm sure you didn't come here
for a view. But here's your key.
And the concierge will bring up
your bags momentarily.
I don't see how they could
fire you, Wally.
That's what
I told them.
Cordelia, I don't know what
happened to all that mail.
It just disappeared,
but they won't believe me.
God! It's so humiliating.
Do you know what he did?
Uh-uh.
Postmaster comes in...
...and he rips my name tag
right off my shirt.
Right in front
of everybody.
And like that's not bad enough,
he took my Mr. Zippy patch.
You should have told your
damn boss to go screw himself.
Stupid post office.
Ain't the only job in town.
The hell it ain't.
If you had any sense, Wally...
...you'd crawl back to him
and beg for the job.
Yeah, well,
He said no.
Oh, poor Wally.
Where is that girl?
Jeryline!
- What is it?
- Are my sheets done yet?
They're downstairs. And I couldn't
get all those stains out, either.
Damn guacamole.
Will you put them
on my bed for me?
- Why can't you do it yourself? You know I'm busy.
- Get her sheets, will you?
No, I just started that stove.
I can't do everything at once.
I'll get them for you,
Cordelia.
Good. Damn.
That's very sweet of you,
Wally.
Put them on your bed?
Thanks.
Oh, poor guy.
Maybe I should give him
a freebie.
Just what he needs,
someone else screwing him.
To be perfectly honest, I wasn't
watching the speedometer.
- Exactly why were you chasing him?
- He's a thief.
What the hell did he steal that had
you going over 100 miles an hour?
Must have been
pretty valuable.
It is.
Sheriff?
Yeah, Mavis, go ahead.
We just got a call from Homer
over at the caf.
He says somebody tried
to steal his car.
Okay, we're on it.
- You want some?
- Hell, no.
I was just thinking how much better
that stuff looked when it was roadkill.
Why don't you shut up?
You eat it.
- She loves me.
- You hurry up and finish and...
I'll take care of dessert.
Ah, don't worry.
Good Cleo knows better
than to eat that slop.
Goddamn it! Get that
p*ssy off the table.
I meant the cat.
Cleo! Didn't I tell you to put him out?
I did. I don't know
how she got back in.
You finish cleaning the stove, or
you too busy shooting the breeze?
For Christ's sake, I'll finish
cleaning it tomorrow.
I want it clean tonight.
Remind me of that program you're on.
It's called "work release", ain't it?
I swear that girl ain't got
no goddamn gratitude.
If I hadn't made a place for
her, she'd be behind bars or dead.
- Lucky kid.
- Mmm.
You expecting somebody,
Mr. Smith?
Evenin', motel people.
You kept me waiting, Roach. Ohh.
I'll tell you the reason I'm late.
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